My Elder Brother's Flip-Flopping Sucking Up to Appease My Elderly Parents (page 2)

jamiebowers

How does your brother know that any inheritance is due to him? Maybe your parents left it all to the WB&TS.

NewYork44M

Follow the money. Is it possible that your brother is insuring his share of the inheritance?

I do not see anything backwards or inconsistent about your brother’s actions. Apparently he believes children have a primary obligation to help their own parents in their old age or time of sickness. He acted accordingly in both cases. Also, according to you, his advice to your and his sister was good advice in terms of your sister’s wellbeing.

I see nothing in your summary indicating that your brother is/was unwilling to care for his sister should it fall to him as a family member. I only see him doing the same as I probably would; move closer to your able-bodied children so they can help you. I would not presume too much, based on your summary.

Marvin Shilmer

Confession

I'm with Marvin on this. I'm aware that you have the full story on your brother--and I don't--but in trying to be objective in considering what you've laid out, I don't see it as clearly wrong--or obviously about money. I *cringe* at the concept of "pioneering," but I know many of these JW zombies think it's the best way to live right now. They may also feel a bit "guilted" into it by the Society. For them to think that her daughter could better care for her--and that this daughter might be the most appropriate person to care for her--does not appear to be wildly off-base. You yourself have written that she's receiving better care now.

The idea that they see her daughter as the most sensible caregiver for her--but see themselves as the right ones to care for your parents--does not seem suspicious to me. Unless one is looking to be suspicious.

The Mulberry Man

Hi All

Mr Flipper - I understand where you are coming from. A few years ago when I was living with my Grandma a simlar thing happened. The people across the street from my Grandma were slightly incapacitated. My Grandma would always take meals over, help with shopping etc even though her health was not that great. Not one member of the incapacitated people's family were to be seen until one of the incapacitated had died and the other was on deaths door. The incapacitated peoples family who are JW's then accused my Grandma of wanting something - WTF !!!!! . I later found out that the incapacitated people were quite well off even though their house did not reflect this by any means. My Grandma was quite annoyed to say the least - my Grandma is very old school - if someone needs help - then help them - no payment required. After that incident my fade began - I definately saw the new light.

no more kool aid

Flipper, this is one of my 1001 reasons for quitting. I have so many family members that won't miss a meeting or a Saturday in service but will not lift a finger to help elderly family members. " Sorry I can't take grandma to the doctor, it's my service day". Please tell me what good is it to preach to strangers that are hiding from you while you ignore family obligations. Is this not sacred service? We also have a sibling in the family that has not worked in 3 years (able bodied) and a lazy wife that has "never" worked that rely on a monthly stipend from their retired parents. But can you believe "he" is the "good brother" because he is the model JW, pioneer, elder yada yada. Where do you think he'll be when there are adult diapers to change?

CoonDawg

My two aunts have been staying close to my grandparents for years. They are my dad's half sisters. My grandmother treats my entire family and all of us tho aren't progeny of her current husband as "inferior". They've made it pretty clear that we'll have no part of the family farm. I asked about buying some acreage from them a few years ago in order to keep part of the family farm In the family. They dismissed me as a young upstart who couldn't possibly afford some of the family homestead. My aunts kept hanging around (both self righteous JWs) eyeing the family posessions. My grandma has about 180 acres of prime industiral development land...

I've never laughed as hard as when I found out my grandparents took out a reverse mortgage on their place. That's one of the worst things someone can do. My aunts finally relaized that they won't get jack sh*t out of the old family farm. They are stil dubs, but they've all recently moved a long distance away.

It actually serves my grandmother right to be surrounded by all these greedy little bitches. My grandmother screwed her sisters out of all the family inheritance too. She's been a JW for years.

sass_my_frass

I'm betting it's the money too, but: witnesses don't have a monopoly on this kind of behaviour.

OnTheWayOut

It simply means he knows his ass is on the line if he declares "Corban" and doesn't take care of mom and dad. He's pioneering and if it comes at their expense he could be deleted. Always remember that standing in the congregation is worth than a fistful of money.
Naaah! Call me cyncial, but I'm guessing it's the money.

The best comments I have read in a long time.

Good point and good counter-point.

flipper

Wow ! Lots of good observations here ! Thanks ! I'll reply.

MUSTANG- I'm sorry you and your brother were aced out of your inheritance. The wedge driving that occurs between family members in the organization is disgusting. No real love.

MILLIEMOOTOO- It's too bad people were not understanding about your dad's depression. People are shallow. They were there when someone dies , but dissappear when the real support was needed down the line. Seen it happen many times.

TIRED of the HYPOCRISY- I hope my brother is saying he would care for my parents first also, out of a good motive - instead of pioneering. I guess time will tell where his loyalties lie. The organization or care for my parents.

WITNESS 007- I agree. In my witness family it seems like with the fanatic witnesses the " kingdom " interests always come before family interests.

QUESTIONING EVERYTHING- That is so common what you describe about your sister in law. So many witnesses pioneer but live off government assistance or want handouts to survive. They won't work. Ridiculous.

JAMIE BOWERS- Good point ! How DO we know what my brothers inheritance may be ? Gawd- I hope my parents don't leave it all to the Watchtower society when they die ! That would suck for everyone involved.

NEW YORK 44M- Might be true. My brother might be insuring his part of the inheritance.

MARVIN SHILMER- I see what you are saying. And you may have a very valid point. I do hope my brother has good motives and just wants to let my parents know he'll be here if they need him.But he did not act that way towards my stroke victim witness sister. And she lived near him for 12 years. He just tried to make her feel guilty and even used the term " burden" in describing how her being near was taxing him and his wife in their congregational responsibilities. So that's why I have my doubts about his being real and sincere.

CONFESSION- Basically what I told Marvin- However I agree with you my sister is better off near her daughter as she has someone who will show a real interest in her ! And I do hope my brother puts our parents first before his elder/pioneer duties. I guess I've just seen so much 2 faced actions by people in the witness organization that it makes me a bit paranoid and overly suspicious I guess . I do hope my brothers motives are good .

MARY- I have heard of scenarios like you say where witnesses battle over inheritances from parents. It brings out the worst in people I fear. Hope that doesn't happen once my folks die .

MULBERRY MAN- No good deed goes unpunished , eh ? Sounds like you had a great grandma. It's too bad people imputed wrong motives to her.

NO MORE KOOL AID- I agree with you . I get so tired of my witness relatives having so much devotion to meetings and service and then ignoring elderly relatives in our midst. I agree taking care of our parents is " sacred service ". A lot more honor in doing that then serving in some position in a congregation.

COON DAWG- It's too bad your aunts were greedy like that - eyeballing your grandparents farm like they did. It serves them right that your grandparents took a reverse mortgage out on their place. At least your aunts moved away and won't be stalking your grandparents like vultures now !

SASS_MY_FRASS- It probably is the money that makes him act this way - and you are right, not just witnesses act this way.

OTWO- I agree. I'm sure my brother is a high profile guy in the organization - so he is very concerned how he appears to others. He doesn't want others to think he would pioneer to the detriment of his parents health needs. But then again, it just may be the money. Who knows ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper

My Elder Brother's Flip-Flopping Sucking Up to Appease My Elderly Parents

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