That's a tough one. I'm looking at beyond the holiday problem. How I see it, how can we/I have a meaningful relationship with someone that see's you as an "un-believing mate" and is convinced that YOU WILL DIE when the end comes?
Successful JW/Non-JW Relationships... How do you make it work?
by cognac 26 Replies latest jw friends
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seeking help
This is terribly long:
In my case I made major mistakes. I married a born-in, never promised to join, but never world stop her. Sounds fair right? Well I didn't stand up for what I believe or what I didn't. We have been married over 20 yrs. I always gave in, cut ties with my family, after all no wife on holidays or b-days, was easier to not do it. I attended meetngs with her cause I love her. I did the study thing, but not really a big religion guy so it didn't "get" it. Once the kids came I may have well been baptized, Thats he terrible mistake part.
I did meetings, family studies, even some field service (not much.god i hated that). I have such deep feelings of regret over this. I should have stood up, given them a choice, i didn't and I am so sorry about it now. My oldest got himself DFed and I didnt stand up for him. He moved out with a relative and I believe that he was so much better off there. He completed collage with our financial support so there was that. My youngest is still "in". living home and going to 4 year college.
Just in the past 6 monthsI stopped going to meetings unless I get guilted into it by my wife. She says " I knew you didn't agree with it, but now your opposed". I need to repair my relationship with my oldest. I have apologised to him in writing about the whole him leaving the house thing. I understand his feelings, I hate what I did and he has his own life. I hope my youngest will at some point leave the "borg" and the odds are in my favor.
My relationship with my wife is really great all things considered. She does her witness thing and doesn't try and engage me in it. But the "pink elephant" is ALWAYS there. I know she disappointed that the "elders" haven't talked to me. Some have been social friends for over 20 years. I have no friends outside the hall and i know they aren't friends anyway. I am very much alone at times.
So, I'm not sure it can work, but I am hopeful that the real truth will win out. and at some point this will be behind us.
its really all i have at this point.
Thanks for reading..
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insearchoftruth
I know that is one thing I really need to do is build up my friend network again....I have a lot of acquaintences, but not really any extremely strong friends any more. Going to join a golf league here at work next spring and may find a book group or something else to get involved in, if she is going to want her 'jw time', I need to get my time as well.
I think, regardless how hard it is going to be, that tolerance is going to be a huge step forward, but I also think in our case with no children of our own, we need to keep it that way, I do not want to get in the midst of that issue.
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Dagney
Nice thread and helpful comments. I wish I had this years ago.
My concern more than anything at the time was being divided over the blood issue and children. Has that ever come up? Or is it a non-issue now with all the fraction business?
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Finally-Free
We split up. Now I celebrate Christmas, New Years and Easter with my sisters, Thanksgiving and birthdays with my friends, and everything else with my bird.
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Old Coach
My spouse went running back to the Borg when her JW dad died suddenly. Some friend of her Dad whispered something in her ear at the funeral (probably that she would miss out on paradise) and she quickly abandoned her Savior for the WT lies. I now question whether she ever truly had a real conversion and merely said she did in order for us to be able to marry. I was committed to not being unequally yoked to an unbeliever and now look where I am. Our relationship has deteriorated consistently over the past several years as she has cut off all feelings and emotions. I guess you could say we are roommates. I fully intend to keep my marriage vow, so she will have to be the one to leave which I doubt she will until she gets her inheritance. She won't need me then so I expect her to skip. If I had known she was lying and being deceptive, I certainly never would have married her, but I do thank God daily for our wonderful children. I expect if she ever does leave, she will be quite lonely as our children will reduce contact with her to a minimum.
We get along by not talking about the giant elephant in the room, despite its abudant size and awful odor. She stopped celebrating all holidays, so I do what I can for our kids. The JW's are big on celebrating wedding anniversaries so to compensate her legalism for birthdays, Christmas, Passover, I won't acknowledge our wedding anniversary since it is not something dictated in the scriptures as ok. I was never a JW. I received Christ as my savior as an adult. I strive to set a good example for my children who generally find the WT to be full of falsehoods and bizarre beliefs.
It's not easy being married to a JW. They are like Stepford people. They cannot think for themselves, they follow the GB blindly, and wouldn't know the truth if it bit them on the nose. Very sad - I think my wife lives in fear of not getting it right, not doing enough, and missing out on their dismal paradise. Sad thing is, she's going to get an eternity of torment and doesn't even realize it. I haven't given up hope - The Holy Spirit is put into God's children, so if her conversion was real, she will escape as if coming through fire - with no reward but her eternal soul.
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jgnat
Oh, Tiffy. Be smart please. There are simple things you might do, like a separation agreement. If a young lawyer simply listed all you are entitled to, and you showed it to your husband, he might be more inclined to settle, on the dotted line. Men in divorce tend to become very cool and objective, self interest only. Too many women retire in poverty who don't have to.
Michigan legal aid...http://www.michiganlegalaid.org/
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OUTLAW
Jgnat..Hey Girl!..Just curious..You know the WBT$ teach`s the WBT$ is the mediator between God and man..Jesus is only for the 144000...........Have you ever pointed that out to hubby?..............
...OUTLAW -
mary stewart
jgnat, women who divorce are the ame way! and they can mak things up. :D
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no more kool aid
We made our unevenly yoked marriage work for about a week. My husband and I were pretty much on the same page but he was a few steps behind. He saw the sleeping in on Sunday, enjoying the kids having breakfast when he got home, next thing you know he joined me for good. I cannot imagine doing this alone. Seeking Help: I am so sorry. Please keep your relationship with your son so that he he knows where your loyalty lies, that will go a long way with him. Tiff: the above posters are correct you need legal counsel. You have a right to half of your marital assets and an attorney will help you freeze them until you can sort this out. Good luck!
...OUTLAW