Many of us who have witness relatives have experienced them fading in and out of the cult personality to their real, authentic personality. It's like they are a totally different person. As Steve Hassan says in his book, " Releasing the Bonds ", " It is an eerie experience when, mid-conversation, you sense a different identity has assumed control. " He continues, ' recognizing this change, and acting appropriately, is one of the keys to unlocking your loved one's authentic self and freeing him from cult bondage. "
So how can it be done ? Hassan says we have to try an develop " rapport and trust with the cult identity and the authentic identity" of the person. Hassan says it's easy to get frustrated trying to communicate with cult controlled relatives. But he said to , " keep in mind that you are trying to help someone whose behavior , information, thoughts, and emotions are being manipulated by the group . "
As much as we ex-JW's aren't really interested in believing in what the witnesses do - still to get inside their minds to help them open up to us - we need to ask leading questions Hassan mentions to get them to communicate. For instance if a witness says , " I'm doing some amazing things ! " You could ask, " Give me an example of how you feel. " It opens doors and avenues of communication. If a witness tells you they had a " experience that made them feel warm and loved or spiritual , you could say, " I get a really great feeling walking on the beach, or by a river in the mountains. " The key is to show them you " don't have to be in the cult to have that kind of experience. " So it's a comparing type of thing.
In a cult they " attempt to suppress and destroy the authentic identity, but it never completely succeeds. There are too many experiences , too many positive memories that don't disappear . Yet, over time, the authentic, pre- cult self seeks ways to regain it's freedom. " Hassan says we can help loved ones to reflect on their experiences. He states, " Because mind control cults never deliver what they promise, it is likely that your loved one will have many disappointing experiences with the group. Deep down inside, the authentic identity sees contradictions , asks questions, and records the disillusionments. "
To help our relatives get out of the witnesses- it is " essential for family members and friends to step out of our own reality - to think , feel and imagine what the other person's reality is. For instance we may ask our cult controlled relative or friend , " Tell us about yourself. Tell us about your experiences . We want to understand. Want to know you better. " It's kind of like what they used to tell us to do out in service - find a common ground so we can gradually build trust. Not that we believe in what they believe - but to help them open up to communicate it can be a start to getting them to think about things.
I've already started trying this on my older witness daughter- sent her a letter asking how her experiences are going , and sent her pictures of our trip to see her older non-witness brother in the mountains. So- We shall see what becomes of it. So, just wanted to share this info with you folks. Have any of you had some success getting your witness relatives to think about things or consider looking outside the witness box ? Look forward to your comments ! Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper