Jeff, you need to 'come out'.
Have a 'coming out' party, complete with coffee mate, cream, half and half, 2% milk, skim milk, and soy milk.
Oh, and don't forget refined white sugar, unrefined sugar, brown sugar, unrefined brown sugar, pasturized honey, unpasturized honey, bulgarian unpasturized honey, sucralose, white stir-sticks, brown stir-sticks, black stir-sticks, white coffee cups, and finally black coffee cups, because you wouldn't want to offend someone's taste in coffee.
Oh, did I mention you need (both in caffinated, decaffinated, and half decaf, half regular, (all in normal and organic)) coffee brewed in a perculator, a bodum, expresso machine, and boiled on the stove.
Just so you don't offend anyone's sexual coffee preferences.
Wait a minute! Walter wants his roasted before it's ground - so be sure to do that!