If you were DFd: How did you feel at first? (for my book project) (page 2)

foreverfree

I was df'd in 1997 after being baptised for 5 years. JWs are my only religious experience in my entire life. I was df'd for their wild definition of "loose conduct". Anyways before and up to the judicial hearing I was a nervous wreck. Right after the hearing I actually felt serene and free. I went out to a bar/restaurant and sat there and drank a beer. I felt free. After my wife conspired with the elders to use the "absolute spiritual endangerment" reason to separate from me, I got angry, real angry. I then vowed a violent bloody revenge on two particular elders who were assigned to my judicial hearing when I was first df'd. Coincidentally they are father and son. I vowed to myself secretly that I'd fatally wound or even kill one of their family members just like they "took" my wife away from me. I was very bitter and angry because the dfing caused my marriage to go bad. I even tried for a couple months to get reinstated in a nearby congregation for the sole reason to be able to speak my mind to those elders about the situation.

Not long after that I got ahold of Ray Franz "Crisis of Conscience" and also his "In Search of Christian Freedom" After reading those books, all the anger and all the bitterness has gone away. I now realize that all JWs are victims. Victims of the WT cult. I went from anger and bitterness to actually feeling pity for those men. I no longer hold any resentment toward them at all. I can only hope they realize their errors and come to understand what Christ is really about. They only did what they felt was the Christian thing to do under the WT. They did'nt know any better. I forgive them completely.

Today I am much happier without that burden on my back. I am free to have faith in the freedom of the Christ.

purplesofa

When I was DF, it was the most traumatic thing I had been through up until that point. It was a death sentence. I had five children. They were under my headship, it was a death sentence for us all. I was panicked, the end was coming soon. I was scum from the very bottom of the earth, not worthy to be alive. I lived in fear everyday. I was alone. I really was scared out of my wits, physically sick. I cried for days. I never felt so empty, worthless and distraught. It took me awhile to get my bearings. I was ashamed, I felt sorry that my kids had me for a mother. I was a disgrace even to those that were not in the truth.

Prior to being DF, I came in the truth, found D2D, made a stand with my ex-husband and family. I eventually was scriptually divorced, with 5 young children in a small town of 2,500, no family living close. Their father abandoned us financially. We went on welfare, after being accustomed to a very nice lifestyle. No one, even witnesses had much to do with a single mom with overwhelming problems with five kids, the stress mounted until my stepdad (who I was very close to) committed suicide. My mother lived in another state and needed me. I met my breaking point and began to drink, which led to a night of fornication. Not uncommon behavioural symptoms of someone grieving.

I learned that elders are just men, they cannot read your heart and no one, no organization can take God away from me. That took nine years with the fear of Armeggedon around the corner always in the back of my mind. I went back to the Kingdom Hall, got reinstated, and found out it was not the "Truth" afterall.

And honestly, I can't think of anything I have ever gone through worse than being disfellowshipped and all that encompasses.

purps

no more kool aid

I have never been disfellowshipped or reproved during my life long JW career. But as a young teenager my elder father was disfellowshiped. I see now that he may have been going through some of the same things that I am now. I have not seen him since (adult now with family of my own). Everyone around me made it their job to keep me far away from him. Back to when it happened, I was just at that age when you don't want to be different, don't want to be talked about be stared at. Well, everyone is talking about you and looking at you because it was absolutely scandalous among a bunch a people who don't have a life. The actual reading of the letter was traumatic. They read it at several different halls and I was there for three of them ( don't quite remember why my mom put me through that). I remember so clearly everyone turning around to look at me during the announcement. For the very life of me , I do not understand why people who are suppose to love and support you do that! To a child no less! Do you earn more points the harder you cry? As a kid my entire world fell apart. I was willing to be different in the world as long as you fit in within the congregation and had an intact family. But now you are still different to the world but you don't fit in within the congregation either, truly no man's land. That is my worse disfellowshipping experience, but it has really fragmented my entire extended family. We have the JW family that are "in", diehards and will turn off feelings of love and attachment with a single announcement. We have the DF'ed cast offs that are not trying to come back, they are just angry. Then there are the few family members that never were witnesses that are just quite bewildered by the whole thing, as I am becoming. I will be first in line for your book.

ecuador

What a horrible thing for a young teenager to go through! I really feel for you!

tenyearsafter

WOW!...I guess I am very fortunate to not have felt the profound impact that the rest of the posters have in their DF/DA experiences. I truly feel for each of you in your pain...it is a very sad statement about a "loving and caring organization" that they would treat people at their greatest point of spiritual need in such a heartless manner. It is interesting that the Society claims to be so concerned about drawing people to God, yet they manage to accomplish just the opposite with their policies. The JW that has "fallen away" is not encouraged to come back for any other reason than fear of God's retribution or to discontinue being shunned and re-join family and "so-called friends". My wife, a very reasonable and thoughtful Christian, was absolutely appalled at the shunning policy. If there were ever a chance that she would open her mind to JW doctrine, it was completely and forever crushed when she saw what the shunning policy was. I agree with posters on other threads that the DF/DA policies are nothing more than a way to control the masses and keep free thought at a minimum. Again, my thoughts are with all of you experiencing pain from the cruel shunning policies...I pray that you find comfort and peace as you work to heal from this barbaric practice.

Awakened at Gilead

@ No more kool aid...

Thanks for your experience! Are you now trying to get in touch with your dad? Its never too late!

____

I am reading through everyone's experiences and I am working on my draft... I will keep you posted.. If I used your experince in the final version I will advise you first before it goes public... it may be a few months though as I write everything down... Chapter 1 is called "The Untouchables"... and it is almost done...

oompa

my 16 year old son was completly devasted....he had one prior so of course he could not REALLY be sorry for what he did!.....great read on the ol heart you elder pieces of shit comittee!!!!!....oops, sorry...........he even appealed the df...and he tried perfectly for four months to get back....damm i begged him not to get dunked....but of course his girlfriend was about to.....dammit......so he saw the light even before me....he may have helped me...there was no way in hell i was going to shun my son....i asked an elder recently if he would shun is great awesome son if he got dfd...he said..."hell no".......loved it.......but my son has suffered....lost all the "friends" he dearly loved...and who thought loved him...and really seemed to...just because six asses in a back room said he was not repentant...wtf?....thought only god could read hearts..................dammit all....................oompa

White Dove

The damage the WTS does through our families is purely evil. I don't forgive anyone unless they ask for it. I put resentment on a shelf so I can forget about it for long periods of time, but when the subject comes up again and the temptation to pull it off the shelf rises up in me, I walk past and say not now. Resentment is still there, but at least I can look the other way most of the time.

BabaYaga

This thread is breaking my heart. I don't know what to say besides that.

Love to you all,
Baba.

oompa

babayaga...sorry to pile on but i sure have major wetface now....this subject suck ag..........my dear exwife dub who i still care for and get along with...was dfd three times...and reproved twice in public and once in private.....please dont ask for details as only oprah will ever get them.....and nobody would believe me anyway.........oomps

If you were DFd: How did you feel at first? (for my book project)

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