Is my life reaching to a dead end?I need a way out...

by justhuman 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  justhuman

  I just don't know what to do...it seems that I have been carrying this burden since I was born. And the burden is to be raised and live for 33 years in the most mind destructive cult the Watchtower. After I have been disfellowshiped 2 years ago(yes my wife turned me to the "loving"elders for apostasy)I left home. since there was too much tense between us. Those 2 years were hard for me, since I was trying to start over again, facing the consequences of being disfellowshiped. Like many of us(I recall my dear friend Mr Flipper)we were not allowed to participate to our childrens wedding, and we are cut off with family ties and friends.

  Well my wife asked to go back home, and I have decided to go on a trial status. I thought that she would get over the fact that I no longer believe in the WT, and plus I'm Christian. Every day I hear the same old story. That I'm a selfish person who thinks only for my self, I'm proud, without being humble, and I was carried way by "apostates". For this God will panish me and I will regret deeply because I left the Org. While on the other hand she has "friends"(JWs) and I have no one.

  She is having parties for the kids at home frequently, and I'm asked not to be there when her "friends" will come. Also lately the WT Club Society are having excersions with the Cong and she is always repeating the same words, that I could have been with them, but I have chosen another path.

  I don't know what to do.I just can't see no way out. It kills me to hear everytime the same words. I did talk to her before regarding the WT and of their false prophecies, and I show her from Jo's rainbow books, that they are wrong. But nothing...instead she turned me in for apostasy. I don't feel like to go on with her. I have never forbitten her to attend to the meetings, go to the field service and take our children along. I believe in freedom of thought.But I can't stand to hear the same crap about my self. Many of us are paying the ultimate price for leaving WT. And like many of us were born in that cult, we still paying high price.

  As a child we never had a normal life. We were like outcasts in school, because everyday we had to prove our "faith in God's Org". I was watching the other kids to celebrate their birthdays, Christmas, and we never had that feeling of being accepted. I didn't finish school because the end was so closed(it was 1984)and I pioneered. I have paid like many, the ultimate price to be free. I do not accept the WT in any way. If I had the chance to be a judge, I would have send the leaders of this cult to death. They are guilty of crimes against humanity, for killing so many innocent humans and children due to their policy of blood transfussions and organ transplants.

  I cannot go back in the WT, the idea makes me sick. There is no way to support such a blood guilty organization, plus the draumas I carry they will never healed.I just don't know what to do. Many times I thought to leave the country and go someplace else, but I cannot be far from my 2 small children. I need to be near them and guide them. On the other hand finnancially I'm in a bad shape and I need money. But I can't accept the accusasions of being selfish and proud, since I know most of my hardships is due to the WT.
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  Eyes Open

  Tough. (((justhuman)))
  
  Could you take an evening to sit down and define clear boundaries about what you are not willing to hear from your wife? Explain that it is not acceptable to be accused.
  
  If things are just not going to work out and you can't carry on with that partnership, it's not a dead end - just an end. It must feel suffocating to be where you are (I have no idea), but "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". I wish you all the best with the rest of your life whatever you decide.
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  Anator

  Her way of trying to bring you back to the fold using guilt will destroy you inside. She is doing everything wrong from the scriptural point of view in how she is treating you. (1 Peter 3:1) Witlesses continue to use this technique of guilt. They use it in their talks, sheparding visits, their so-called loving counsel and so on. This is what you need to present her. Either she follows the scriptural admonition found at 1 Peter 3:1 rather than the guilt trips or for your own mental state of health you need to get out.
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  JimmyPage

  Wow. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. All I can say is I know where you're coming from. The Watchtower screws up so many good people.
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  compound complex

  Dear Justhuman,

  I'm very sorry about your struggle and pain. None of us is Jesus Christ, but he was accused falsely, too. I recall one contributor's comment in E. Gruss' book THE FOUR PRESIDENTS that the WTB&TS leadership teaches hate when they should be praying for their enemies. That bad example trickles down to the rank and file. They follow the leader.

  Because I'm in a somewhat similar situation, I can relate to how bad you're feeling; however, I'm not living with someone who scolds me daily. That's unbearable (I know). When dealing with abusive JWs I was helped by 1 Peter 2:23, which refers to Jesus' not reviling revilers nor threatening those who caused him suffering. He committed himself to the one who judges righteously.

  My entire family followed me into the WT ... this is my dilemma.

  Best wishes and peace,

  CoCo
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  oompa

  my friend...i am in a similar situation, but thankfully do not have small kids. the key for both of you should be the scripture already cited:

  (1Peter3:1) In like manner, YOU wives, be in subjection to YOUR own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives,

  let her know that she HAS TO STOP and apply this scripture....the only hope for your marriage is to apply it, and let her know you will too....i actually drove my wife into depression due to my trying to always show her the REAL truth...now we just dont ever talk about it (i still unfortunately have to blut out some point once in awhile)....i so hope you can remind each other of what made you love each other in the first place....and keep that in front of you........good luck friend........oompa
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  jgnat

  It is a very bad place to feel you are trapped. The way out is to sort out that you do have choices. Every choice has a cost, as you are painfully aware of. The trick is to pick the choice with the least cost, either to yourself and to your family. Consider new ideas that you have dismissed before. Break out of your box.

  In my opinion, your wife must treat you with respect as long as the two of you are together. There should NEVER be a party or event where you are not invited. This is a matter of simple dignity as a human being.

  Similarly, she should NEVER be describing your behavior as "selfish".

  The boundaries talk, as described above, might be a good start.

  As for getting your financial house in order, do work on that. Have goals and work towards them. Don't beat on yourself if it takes longer than you hoped. Just keep forging on.

  Here's another idea you might have dismissed before. Once you are on your feet financially, could you get an apartment nearby? You would still be involved in your children's lives, but you would not be in an atmosphere where you are constantly diminished and demeaned as a human being. Keep this in your back pocket, in case your wife never clues in to proper behavior.
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  jaguarbass

  Justhuman.

  You need to put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time.

  And live one day at a time.

  I dont know how old you are.

  I am thinking you are young because you have young children.

  Go to school so you can make money.

  Contrary to what the JW's say money is not the root of all evil.

  And money can solve 99% of your problems.

  I dont know about Greece but in America health care, nursing, in an unsure world, is a pretty sure educational investment.

  A degree in nursing will get you more money in shorter time than most other degrees.

  The people that I know in health care are doing the best of any people that I know today.
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  WingCommander

  Seriously, get a DIVORCE, and don't look back. Every time you speak of her you go into a downward spiral. Are you really happy living with this twisted bitch? If you are, then grow some balls and enforce your authority as "head of household" and tell her to shut the f*ck up before you really go apostate on her ass. Better yet, kick her ass to the curb. Since when did you leave YOUR own house? SHE would have been out the door the same day she turned me into the elders.

  I'm going to take a wild guess here and ask if that when you were growing up, did your MOTHER wear the pants in the house? Reason I ask is because every guy I know that is like you, it turns out their mother was the authority figure while they were growing up, and they tend to just let the women in their lives step all over them.

  Eat some spinach, grow some balls, stand up straight, put your chest out, put your finger into HER chest, and tell her how it's going to be from now on if she wants to remain in the house with a roof over her head. Be a model of self-esteem and immediately end her converstations that turn into guilt-trips by telling her you will not allow her to dump her negative thinking upon you, nor will you be belittled by her assinine statements any longer.

  Straight up tell her how it's gonna be; she'll either except it and change for the better, or she'll get her sh*t packed and out the door.

  Sorry, but this rant to you has been along time coming. You and Ooompa have some serious problems with the women running your lives. Time to take back your lives.

  - Wing Commander
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  FlyingHighNow

  Try standing up to her with clear, assertive boundaries before you think something as harsh as divorce. Letting her know you will not be walked on emotionally or spiritually will command her "respect." Those children are your children as well as hers. You should have some say so in how they are being raised.