Why don't I have friends? (page 2)

Hope4Others

Hi there!

Number one does not apply to you at all, it really is the combination of #2 & #3. I was in about the same amount of years,

and as hard as it is to make new friends on the outside because of the mindset of jw we still carry at first

it is always a work in progress. But we all have to reach out and make changes for what we want in life now.

We can not change the past but we can change the future. Sometimes this means learning about ourselves and who we are

all over again, this is something we have lost in our former religion. It starts by replacing things in life that you have lost,

whether hobbies, starting going to the gym its making contact with others. What i have found that helped greatly is

getting to know others on the forum. There are truly many great people here!

Cheers!

h40

wanderlustguy

When you fade you start to lose the pace with the rest of the group, in particular the mannerisms, language, and behavior patterns of those in the organization. "The chariot is on the move" is a great way of saying "things change constantly, and if you aren't keeping up, we'll be able to tell who you are." The difference is detectable on a subconscious level so people currently in will be able to tell something isn't the same and their defenses will go up. Of course the common defense is "not to associate" with someone.

They probably don't even know what they are doing. Spending your time thinking about it just gives something else to a group that doesn't deserve it.

WLG

Farkel

A real friend is someone who will stay by your side no-matter-what happens.

By that simple definition, JWs who faithfully do as their religion tells them to do can NEVER have any real friends in or out of their religion.

The WTS religion is not a religion of love. It is a religion of hate.

Stop beating yourself up over it. You cannot have friends in that religion, unless they violate WT rules.

Farkel

loosie

I am leaning toward #2.

What helped me when I left was co workers. I found that they weren't judgemental and liked me because of me and not because they had too because I had a label of Sister. Don't get me wrong I'm not best buddies with all my co workers. Some of them can't handle my feminist CA attitude.But the ones that can are closer than any of hte JW's were.

no more kool aid

I too, have had to come to this sad realization. You see they may have seemed like really good friends and maybe they were as long as the one thing remained a constant. Your friendship was contingent on being in the truth. I opened my eyes to this when I didn't miss a beat(spiritually) but did return to college and was shunned a little by some people. I realized that you had to really, really tow the line. I just got tired of it. Now we pursue other friendships (neighbors, workmates etc.) and feel as though we are getting back to normal.

jaguarbass

mtsgrad

I escaped after 31 years. My mother was a JW my father was an earthling.

I grew up in both worlds but the Wactower world tainted both worlds.

I always loved music and sports and was able to participate in both while in school because my father was not a JW.

I came to realize that we hang around with people that we have a common interest with.

My early interest where sports and music in both those endeavors if you dont make the team you dont end up hanging around with the team.

Its pretty much the same in the work world.

You were a volunteer worker for a pulp fiction religious publishing house when you ceased to be a worker you were no longer on the team.

Their not wanting to socialize with you should come as no surprise. That is the way of the world and of life.

Dont be too hard on yourself though,

Most folks only have 1 or 2 real friends in a lifetime.

Wheather they know it or not.

Long ago I came to speak of my various acquaintances that I dealt with in life.

That might be cold but I always know what time it is and who's got my back.

orangefatcat

Number 3 is best suited to me. I blame the Rules of the WTS for the loss of my family although my sister and I were somewhat close and mom and I knew what we had to say but kept our comments to ourselves until two wks before my departure from the organization. She wished she hadn't said what she did. I didn't hold it against her I knew it was over I just had to get up and leave and she made it easier for me. I know that there are times I miss seeing them but they are the ones who backed off not me. I knew the rules and they being all hard core JW's meant no talking to me ever unless it a death or death.

I have a great number of friends true and genuine. If my family doesn't want me thats fine my best friends do want me. They treat me better then my family. In fact my dearest friend I consider her more a true sister then my sisters. We have been thru thick and thin togehter for over 30 years. Except for the 7years when she left the JWs , she knew some day I would leave and she was right I did. We picked up as if we hadn't skipped abeat in our friendship.

Love

Orangefatcat

yknot

Some of 2 and a lot of 3.

What I have found is that many worldly are willing to be friends, it is us who because of JWism tend to be hestiant at first.

Those JWs who truly did like you will eventually speak to you in passing once all the dust settles.

Keep you chin up and keep walking forward.

Bubblie

They weren't real friends and the religion told them not to contact you after you left. Out of sight out of mind. I had a former bible student tell me even if I was df'd she would still be friends with me. She never called me after one phone call. So much for that.

yadda yadda 2

Its a little bit of 2 but mostly 3! Remember, if the Gibbering Body changed all this tomorrow and said that all JW's must be friendly to inactive ones, socialise with them, and encourage them in whatever way possible to get them back into the fold, your friends would be back in touch with you again in a flash!

Nearly all JW's absolutely do whatever they are told by the GB (read "faithful and discreet slave"), regardless of any scripture or warm emotion or common sense that might inform them otherwise.

But my advice is just forget about all your former JW 'friends' and go make new ones. Join a dancing class or Toastmasters.

Why don't I have friends?

Share this