Whoa, man. You have my deepest concern, sympathy and compassion. I've respected your work here on JWD for a long time.
I'm not sure exactly what you feel and believe about your loss, beyond the obvious immediate pain and sadness, but I do hope that you find a center and a sense of understanding and peace about this. Feel free to PM me if you feel that in any way I can be of some small help. I'd be glad to talk with you if you think it might help in any way.
God, death is just simply so hard and sad to deal with, despite how much we think we are prepared. I weep for you, my brother.
S4