Andee writes:
It's whole new ball game with your Dad and he knows it. I remember the first time I stood up to my Dad. Not arguing with him, I just put my foot down. I remember he just wasn't sure how to act with me.
As if for the first time, I was looking him square in the eye. He saw me as an adult, not his child that he could manipulate. He didn't have power over me anymore.
The first time I stood up to my dad.... I was 36 years old, had 3 kids of my own.... and there were 9 of us cramped into a camping trailer while it poured rain outside. My youngest, who had just turned 6, needed to use the washroom and was about to use the one in the trailer, when he insisted that she go outside in the rain to the public washroom. His exact words to her, in front of everyone present, were "Either you go across the road, or you pee yourself." I took her across the road and we both got soaked. When we came back, I started packing up to go back home. There was NO way I was going to let him talk to my kids that way. When he and mom confronted me about why I was packing, I told them both: "We came here to spend time with you on the first vacation I've had in years. We did not come here for you to have the opportunity to bully my children the way you did to me. I am NOT about to allow you to humiliate my children the way you did today. If you are not going to respect the fact that I am their mother, and you are only their grandparents, then we're going back home."
My father countered with information that the tank on the trailer was close to being filled. "So rather than give a reasonable explanation of why you preferred to have her go across the road in the rain, you chose to look unreasonable and humiliate her in the process. That's a very Christian thing to do."
Then, for the first time in my life, he apologized. He said "I'm sorry." I told him, "I'm not the one who needs your apology. Your grand-daughter does."
I guess that was the last straw for them. They started hurling my belongings at me and my brand new car. My mother was crying. My dad said "I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything." I told him "We aren't talking about everything right now. We are talking about what happened *today*."
We drove away a short time later. It was dark, about 9pm, and still raining. It should have taken us 5 hours to get back home, but we ended up stopping and taking short breaks to nap and get some snacks. My son, who was 13 at the time, said "I guess we won't be going back to the lake huh?" and had to admit that we'd probably never see that place again, but he said "That's OK, mom, I'm glad you stopped grand-dad from being mean to us, we can find our own lake." It took us 12 hours to finally get back home.
A few days later, the eldest of my brothers called while he was waiting for a connecting flight out of the local airport. He wasn't there for the fireworks, but my JW parents made sure that he and everyone in their congregation who knew me had heard *their* version of what happened without me having the benefit of defending myself. So much for the theory that JWs don't engage in gossip and slander. I've since heard that apparently I was the one throwing things *at them*, and cursing them out "like a demonized person".
There are times when I miss them visiting or calling, and it bugs me that I'm the one that has to initiate any interaction with them. And it bugs me that I have never discussed the incident with family members who were not present, while they have seen fit to trash me up and down and sideways to anyone and everyone who will listen. But, I am glad that I put them in their place with regard to my kids. My kids know that I'm on their side, and that I love them no matter what. My parents never had the guts to take our side on anything when we were kids, even when we were right. They never went to the school and threatened to sue the teacher who pulled me up by the hair at the nape of my neck for sitting respectfully while the National Anthem was being played. They never offered any comfort when I came home crying because someone at school had made fun of me for being a JW. The best thing they could come up with was "Well, they won't be laughing at you when they get destroyed at Armageddon."
Anyway, I'm rambling, and that was not my intent. Standing up to our parents is one of the hardest things we will ever do. But in their minds it transforms us from their children to adults in our own right. It's how we grow. And if they can't see us as adults without having the confrontation, then it's necessary for *us*, not just for them.
Love, Scully
JWs: "keeping the fun in dysfunctional"
It is not persecution for an informed person to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63