I guess I should mention my/our status these days first:
I've posted sporadically here, but have been a voracious reader of all of your wonderful posts. Spouse and I are almost inactive now. We do not attend meetings, except every once in awhile to turn in fake time reports. Spouse still is waiting for very active JW mom who lives nearby to die and that's why we're turning in those stupid time reports. Sometimes I think she will live another 10 years and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm making very good progress with spouse, albeit slow. I'm hoping that we'll be fully inactive by next year, since more and more spouse disregards what JW mom/parents say and is refusing to compromise principles for some stupid JW "rules". Spouse even directly made a stand against mother and the response was shocked disbelief. I'm just glad I got to see it happen. Baby steps are good.
Anyway, it feels good to basically be myself after all these years. I can go to work, go to birthday parties, celebrate any holiday I choose. While at first I was terrified of telling people at work about my recent religious status, once the dam broke and everyone was so supportive, I now have no fear of it all or even of "wordly" people. I was in fear, fear, fear of everyone and everything in the congregation, which is what drove most of my compliance with my JW upbringing. I pioneered and did everything else, being so afraid of what the organization would do to me if I didn't comply with everything the WT says.
Well, no more. So now, I REALLY want to put up a Xmas tree, lights, and have parties. Our neighbors are out in the cold weather, sharing cups of coffee and helping each other put up their lights. They have even offered to put ours up for us, since we "don't seem to have the time". I politely declined and thanked them very much. Even though we live far away from the hall, all it takes is one JW working our street to turn us in.
But the good news is, I don't care anymore. I'm NOT afraid. Spouse, on the other hand, is still afraid...but I can't believe the progress that has been made. I guess I'm still afraid of what spouse thinks, but I can live with that.
Once again everyone, thank you for your great advice and examples on how to handle a very embedded spouse. I look forward to supplying my name, telling my story in great detail, and even posting a few good photos of myself (and spouse!).
Hope is everything.
