Raising children as JW's

by lancelink 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  StAnn

  I called my oldest son two years ago and apologized for raising them as witnesses ,but he said that he was just fine with his upbringing . He told me he was glad because of being a witness he stayed away from drugs and immorality

  Unfortunately, one year a bunch of Dub teens had a party over the Christmas break and that's where my son learned to smoke. And a lot of immorality occurred within his privileged little group of elders' kids. His dad was/is an elder and stepmom was/is a pioneer. All of the kids at that party got in big trouble. Now half of them are DF'd and the other half just go to meetings because they don't want to lose their families.

  Every year, the Dubs in my ex-husband's cong would take a "cabin trip" and go to a state park for the week between Christmas and New Year's. In Ohio, all lodging at state parks is half-price that week. One year my son and three of his friends went to the lodge on Christmas morning for breakfast and shared their little smuggled-in Christmas gifts. They videotaped their secret Christmas together! When my son showed me the tape, I cried for three days. Poor little kids, their gifts were just pathetic and had to be small enough to be smuggled in their pockets. And the youngest one of them kept looking around, to make sure they weren't caught.

  Yep, raising kids in the Borg does untold emotional and psychological damage.

  StAnn
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  CHILD

  Young adults are very idealistic. I was baptized at 21. I did not know the bible before JWs and witnessed hypocrisy in my childhood church. I think I was seduced by the fantasy and living forever on a paradise earth. The love bombing was seductive also. Thankfully, I had great parents. I worked many holidays and have since discovered my daughter celebrated holidays with my parents. My parents also persuaded me to allow my daughter to swim, run track, and take music lessons. She also attended camp each summer. I apologized for making her miss out on holiday celebrations, but she said she's glad I wasn't too strict because that's why there so much immorality among the JW young people. She received presents from the family and I took her shopping each November. Her regret is not knowing the Christmas songs.
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  Scarred for life

  it made sense to them and they were concerned for their children's future. I know my heart was not in it for some time and we thought we were doing the kids a favor

  No more Kool Aid:

  Thanks for your reply but, no, that doesn't make me feel any better. How can this religion make sense to anyone? My father was a very intelligent, well-educated textile engineer. This religion could NOT have made sense to him.

  If they were concerned for their children's future they could have raised us in a normal loving church. They did me and my sister no favors. And my parent's heart seemed to be very much into it for much of those 25 years. My father was an eldrer and gave Sunday talks and even gave talks at other congregations. I think it was the power and prestige that was bestowed upon them that roped them in. Milton and Mille. They were a very attractive young couple. The powers that be in the JWs loved them.

  What a hoax! What a fraud! At the expense of me and my sister.
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  Scarred for life

  I think I was seduced by the fantasy and living forever on a paradise earth. The love bombing was seductive also.

  Child:

  That makes some sense. Especially for my mother. She lived in a fantasy world her whole life. My father would have been attracted to the love bombing. He ate that up.
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  WTWizard

  Every year, the Dubs in my ex-husband's cong would take a "cabin trip" and go to a state park for the week between Christmas and New Year's. In Ohio, all lodging at state parks is half-price that week. One year my son and three of his friends went to the lodge on Christmas morning for breakfast and shared their little smuggled-in Christmas gifts. They videotaped their secret Christmas together! When my son showed me the tape, I cried for three days. Poor little kids, their gifts were just pathetic and had to be small enough to be smuggled in their pockets. And the youngest one of them kept looking around, to make sure they weren't caught.

  I wonder if that has anything to do with why the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger insists so strongly that people go out in field circus EVERY weekend, without exception, and to do field circus on Christmas Day all day. That way, they wouldn't be able to do Christmas (i.e., worship the sun) behind their backs.
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  LDH

  I frequently thought of it from the other perspective once I had children.

  I felt sorry for my parents, that they missed out on all the things that other parents enjoy with their children. Cheering at games. Helping out during holiday parties in the classroom. Watching the kindergarten Christmas program. Cooking for 200 people for an out of town high school competition.

  Now that I'm a parent for almost twenty years, I feel that I can speak on it intelligently. There is no way in hell I would miss those memories with my children.

  The JWs take away all the fun things from parents and children, and all that's left is rote memorization and blind obedience and the ever present opportunity for the parents to be frustrated and angry at their child because a six year old can't sit still during the meetings. It's no wonder so many JW parents hit their children. The pressure of getting children ready for the loving 5 meals per week spiritual indoctrination sessions, plus the door to door sales pressure, it's almost impossible for that relationship to thrive.

  I have heard of very few, if any, JW child/parent healthy relationships.

  They are all built on subterfuge.

  And I do give you credit for saying you made a mistake. Most are too stubborn to admit that to themselves, much less to others.
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  LDH

  I killed a very promising thread I see.
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  strawberry cake

  I look back on how I raised my 3 sons with some relief. Even thought I pioneered and was quite a zealous JW. I always made sure they had lots of fun.
  
  We camped a lot and went out on day trips almost weekly. We made our family study fun, by keeping it to half an hour and always playing a board game or having a special treat to eat after.
  Saturday ministry, also under an hour, we would ALWAYS end up at our favorite cafe for a panini, danish and hot chocolate.
  
  My kids had Parties,sleep overs and take-out nights with friends,also puppet shows.
  The last thing we did (secretly saying goodbye to them all)was to have man come to our house and do a reptile/insect party for all the kids in the congregation.
  
  all in all,ironically, because of our hard work, our kids have a very close network of JW mates, who they would find hard to lose and some happy memories.
  
  The one thing I couldn't do, was to make those mind numbing meetings more interesting for them.During the meeting, my two younger sons would chew and peel their finger nails till they were dripping with blood! Also my middle son started to build up a real resentment of me...for being so full on as a pioneer.(strangely enough, resentment for leaving also) Lately, however,(I think, because I am not setting his theocratic goals and he is free to be himself now,) I feel he is actually starting to let me off the hook.
  
  This year they had their first Christmas, my eldest is still going to the meetings, but we still enjoyed a special day, with a large roast dinner and all the trimmings. (Last night he went to his first new years eve party with non JW old school friends. He said he had lots of fun.) We all sat together after dinner to watch Christmas telly. It was great! My youngest especially loved it. Next year there is no stopping us! Christmas tree,presents,decorations the lot!
  
  xxx SC