How stupid do I think I am? (page 2)

Tyrone van leyen

Well said Jeff. I can certainly relate to that. I must ponder that a moment. I'm gonna get a coffee and tell you what I think in a bit.

When we are born life is thrust upon us whether we are ready or not. Having loving parents is a real advantage but as we approach adulthood we who were born and raised JW have a more difficult situation than the average person who is guided into education etc. The easiest route for many of us is to get in the passenger seat and let the WTS drive. But if you finally decide they are taking you in circles and say "stop, I want out" Then you take on the responsibility of steering. Jeff, you know you wouldn't have it any other way, neither would I or most others who post here. I will still be trying figure it out when I die. So be it, what a great ride.

Satanus

Me too. I'm basically about 10 yrs old in some ways, 20yrs old in other ways. Rumpelstilskin syndrome.

S

SPAZnik

I hear ya. And for what it's worth, ya seem pretty smart from where I sit. :O)

SPAZnik

P.S. >>>---> hindsight = nature's university. =)

startingover

Great comments one and all! I was listening to Roy Clark as I reread the OP, now that was heavy.

I have come to grips and totally agree with Gregor, I too feel "so be it".

Tyrone van leyen

I wonder looking back just how insensitive to reality I could have been to have spent the vastness of my youth and midlife believing the obvious lies of Jehovah's Witnesses. Though I enjoy my freedom, I have no foundational background upon which to prop it.

I think this is a bigger dilema for those born in. When you leave, in most cases, folks just keep doin what they were doin before, or look for soemthin else. A born in looks back and wonders who the hell he was and who the hell he is supposed to be now. This was part of our developmental years. This was the foundation of who we were and our identities. That structure collapsed along with trust in knoledge and people.

Though having a sense of being reborn, that rebirth has taken place late in life, and has left me feeling somewhat empty. Like a man who just emerged from amnesia and has no past from which to draw his moral/ethical/philosophical/spiritual value system, I sometimes wonder who I am, where I have been, and mostly where I am going.

Again, I can fully relate. Yes, and sometimes reality, takes as long as it takes, to be lowered upon our conscious minds. That is painful when you consider, we already lost our youth to it, and now have to face the next 20 years with the conscious reality of its impact. I am ready to say the next 20 years are mine but bitterness, regrets aging, etc. If I will truly own them, I must not allow all that shit to poison my future enjoyment. Who am I? Where have I been ? Where am I going? These questions are necessary for self exploration and development. Something we were not allowed to do. Hence delayed develpment and sense of loss. The abscence of rights of passage also factors into delayed development. Indeed what an empty feeling.

Retrospectively, I seem to be drawing all my perspective from a clouded past. I was drawing no conclusions based on the facts of my experiences - until I left. I feel like a man of 53 making his early forays into the life of an 18 year old. My mind had been pickled in subversive propaganda for most of my life. Though I no longer look for a guide to tell me what I believe and how I should react in this life, I sense that the marathon started and was nearly finished before I began the race. Now the sun sets on the course, and I run it alone.

I've always said this whole damn life is a rigged game. If it ain't some bullshit disease you don't know about, like celiacs takin your life from you. It's some huckster politician feeding us lies, or the media, or some A hole who wants to sell you something. This is all a part of life. You can be a mean bastard, a player, or just shake your shoulders and drift. That is the human dilema. Yes but the real sadness, with born ins, is that everyone should be able to look back and see the reward for something we did, or didn't do. There just ins't any. The org. was our parents and they were delinquent tyrants who took from our life rather than add to it. I am running that race, alone with you Jeff.

StAnn

Very well put, OP.

Although I wish I even felt 18. Sometimes it's like I'm just a child, trying to raise myself. Although I'm now 45.

So much missed. I'm 25 years behind the rest of the world.

StAnn

Farkel

AK - Jeff,

:I'm a fellow mental 18-year old, schlepping alonside you, figuring it out as I go along.

There's the answer you need. And it is a good one! It frees you, and should invigorate you.

Now, get busy living or get busy dying. This is not the Shawshank Redemption. You are much better off than that. You just need to get that fact and start schlepping along your path. It's a wonderful experience. Also, EVERY Watchtower experience will teach you things that will benefit you as you really begin living your life.

Farkel

beksbks

Farkel, sometimes you're kind of a nice guy.

How stupid do I think I am?

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