See Drew Sagan's post.
Is it possible for a child to be exposed to JWism and not be damaged by it?
by Mickey mouse 140 Replies latest jw experiences
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Junction-Guy
St.Ann, that was a darn good explanation.
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Scarred for life
I can think of only one case of where it's possible for a child to be undamaged by being raised a witless: If the child is a "frog baby"--and then it has no brain, and will die within a day or so of birth. And it will never know what it could have been like.
Aside these extreme conditions, it is not possible to be unharmed by being a witless. They are given a negative view of so many things and then told not to cross-reference any of them. They get persecuted for being different. They miss out on playtime for field circus. They miss out on after school events. They flunk tests because they are too tired (or couldn't study for them) because of a boasting session the evening before the tests. They are forced to sit still for hours at a time at boasting sessions, and are often beaten for not doing so. I don't think a child would be unaffected by all that.
I agree with you 100%, WTWizard. I also agree with the above person that said that adults that come into the JWs are negatively affected also. My parents joined as a young engaged couple and spent 25 years in this cult, raising both their children. They spent many of those years as gung-ho leaders within 2 different congregations in 2 different states. They were also members of a 3rd congregation that eventually was a factor in the disintegration of our family. I will also agree that there are a few people that seem to gain strength from being in a JW congregation. I think they are an exception. And I think that they would have trouble functioning in a society without the structure of the JW lifestyle to keep them going. For example, I have an aunt who many, many years ago had a child out of wedlock. She became a JW and the congregation that she went to basically coparented her child with her and supported her financially and otherwise. She is bipolar, tending more toward the manic side. The JW lifestyle along with her job at Wal-Mart provides her with the structure and rules that she would have just like she was in a psychiatric hospital! She doesn't take any medication due to the JWs belief that all psychiatrists are bad. So being a JW has been "good" for her. She is 78 years old. I have other cousins and 2 aunts and an uncle that are still active JWs. They are all in the same small town. It has provided them with a ready-made support system. All of their friends are JWs. They could not possibly conceive of not being a JW because it is all they know. It is their routine. It is their whole life. They are like little puppy dogs. My uncle, who just married my aunt about 15 years ago became a JW at the time he married my aunt. He's a smart, talented man who can do anything with his hands. He has become enamored with the attention he has gotten. He has been made an elder and is praised and respected within the local JW community. He eats it up. So I guess being a JW has been good for his ego. Several of my cousins that have left the JWs have become substance abusers, extremely depressed, unable to find work etc. etc. Do I think this is because they have left the JWs? No. They couldn't take living the lie anymore and now they find themselves uneducated, untrained, unable to function in a society that doesn't tell them every move to make. They are incapable of living a normal life because of their upbringing and repression and isolation that is all a part of being a JW. I have one cousin and her husband that are still active JWs. They are both now in their 60s. They have 2 grown daughters and at least 2 grandchildren. The husband retired from BellSouth after about 30 years. He had a pretty decent job. They have spent every penny of his retirement money, they've been foreclosed on in their latest house. They now live in a small apartment and he's driving a school bus everyday to pay for living expenses. My cousin is working as a parapro in a classroom for emotionally disturbed children. How'd you like to spend your retirement years doing that? This is all because they believe that Armagedoon is coming at any moment so they didn't need to keep the retirement money! Seriously, these JWs don't have a lick of sense and cannot function in society. The whole pupose of being a parent is to train your children to be able to function in society and be independent. The JWs do not do that. They train you to be totally dependent on the GB. You are not supposed to think or do anything for yourself. It is sick, sick, sick! It is child abuse and it's adult abuse too but the adults make the choice of becoming a part of it.
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Scarred for life
the WTS rapes its victims emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually
StAnn:
You've said it perfectly.
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Junction-Guy
Good point Scarred for life.
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beksbks
If a child is born in, and lives as a JW with two JW parents throughout their formative years, there will be damage.
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JeffT
I'm going to ask this question of my daughter when I see here. She was born a JW and twelve when my wife and I left in 1988. By all appearances (and I'm sure she will agree with this) she's happy, well adjusted has friends, a career etc. She's currently working toward a PhD in Psychology.
I think that the issue is not how you were raised, but what you did with the experience. I know adults who sit around and bitch about how awful it was to grow up rich and being given everything you wanted. Or at least they can't deal with life now.
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Scarred for life
JeffT:
If you've never asked your daughter this question before, then I would love for you to share what her answer is. The fact that you left as a whole family when she was 12 could have softened the experience for her. Also, if you talked about it as a family back then it would have made her feel safer and less confused. I do find it interesting that she has gone into Psychology. What is her specialty?
And to the above poster, I do feel that being raised by one JW parent and one non-JW parent has a different affect. I do have 2 cousins that were raised in that way. Their father was never a believer and was vocal about this. So they grew up knowing that it was OK not to believe. I think they did have some form of Christmas in their family and were very active in sports. This was something that most of us JWs never experienced at all. I think their family was pretty much completely out of the JWs by the time they reached maybe 12 and 15 years old. They have lived in another state away from the JW extended family. Neither one of them have ever married. I don't know exactly what that means but I've often wondered about it. They both live in the town that the younger cousin went to high school in. She has a network of friends from high school that she has made into her "extended family". It has been probably 22 years since either one of them has been to visit any of the JW part of the family. They have just made their life elsewhere and I do think that the JW part of it is a major factor.
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Mickey mouse
I think that the issue is not how you were raised, but what you did with the experience. I know adults who sit around and bitch about how awful it was to grow up rich and being given everything you wanted. Or at least they can't deal with life now.
That is so true. I recognise that being raised in this rather bizarre set of circumstances has been an incredible learning curve for me.
I am also interested in your daughter's choice of psychology as a subject to study. It's something I plan to do in a few years also.
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eyeslice
The question is; and not be damaged by it?
A lot of us here grew up as JWs and have even raised kids as JWs. Different people have different circumstances but overall I don't feel damaged by it.
And, my kids? Yes, they grew up without Xmas and birthdays but they all seem fine, even though all of them have left the 'truth'. I have lots of great memories of my childhood and my kids childhood many of them to do with being a JW; volunteering at assemblies, working on KH projects, etc.
When my youngest son decided to stop accompanying his mother to the meeting I had a chat with him and asked not to be bitter about growing up a JW and not to become anti-Witness as such. We were all mislead by the Society but many of us have lots of positives too.
To be balanced though, I have to admit I know lots of people who were damaged by being Witnesses, many of them kids who grew up in domineering, oppressive homes.