Is it possible for a child to be exposed to JWism and not be damaged by it?

by Mickey mouse 140 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Number1Anarchist

  What can we truly know about the inner life of another person with any certainty? Not a lot I think.

  But it certainly seems to me that many people live their whole lives happy as Jehovah's Witnesses. They have careers, friends, family, a place in the congregation, a sense of purpose, and an ideology that makes sense of the world around them. Sure some leave because being a Witness makes them miserable too. But we should be cautious about assuming our own thoughts and feelings about any given situation to be universal.

  And incidentally, although many are happy to get free from the religion, some apostates are by all appearances miserable once they have left. So it works both ways.

  Sounds like Watchtower thinking to me! They need to install a revolving door in this religion because the turnover rate is so high. If the Watchtower was a company to work for it would be rated a horrible place to work because if people were happy in it they would stay but there not so they leave. The many you speak of are the ones who are so braindead and overlook everything and are walking zombies. I met plenty guess what by the time there old there so screwed up in the head there not even human. Some leave,lol they are running out of there faster than they can recruit them. Nice apology reading for the Witnesses and how wonderful it is to be there and is no different than any upbringing. Ya right i was raised in the world and the Witneses are a strange bunch indeed. They are barely human there so brainwashed.Any normal person would see it but you must have been raised that explains your comment because you still think like a Witness!
• 

  JeffT

  My daughter and I have talked about it, a lot. I just haven't prefaced the question with "What would you say to a bunch of people on the internet?" I think that a major factor was that we weren't very good witnesses. We frequently had better things to do than go to meetings or field circus. We took lots of vacations together and the kids had an assortment of classes and the like. Daughter took lots of dance and still choreographs for a local children's production company. My mother (not a JW) paid for them to go to summer camp. In other words, they had a mostly normal life.

  I'm not postive she's decided on a specialty. She teaches preschool (if you're thinking she's awfully busy - you're right) and wants to work with children. Because of my alcoholism (now 3+ years sober) she's interested in addiction issues. Whatever she does she wants to incorporate dance as movement therapy. Knowing her she'll do all of it.

  The other children:

  Youngest was three when we left and has no memory of being a JW. He knows we were and we've talked about it. He read the book I wrote (and I'm trying to publish) and thought it was interesting. I don't think he feels any personal connection with it.

  Oldest (a year older than his sister) has some issues but I don't think they're JW related. He seemed fine until about five years ago when some sort of mental illness/addiction seemed to gain the upper hand in his life. He doesn't talk about having been a JW as a source of his troubles. He went to college and could go again if he wants.

  All of them know they have parents that love them and want the best for them.
• 

  slimboyfat

  The many you speak of are the ones who are so braindead and overlook everything and are walking zombies. I met plenty guess what by the time there old there so screwed up in the head there not even human.

  Why can't you accept that others may be happy with a style of life that you personally do not find appealing? Why do you feel the need to dehumanise Jehovah's Witnesses? I wouldn't like to live the life of an Amazonian Indian or a Pentecostal for that matter but I don't need to call them zombies or braindead for either being born in or choosing a different path.

  Any normal person would see it but you must have been raised that explains your comment because you still think like a Witness!

  I became a Witness when I was 13, but had some contact before that.

  You could say Jehovah's Witnesses are not "normal" in some respects because in a few significant areas they diverge from what modern liberal societies deem proper. But then who is to say conformity to what society views as "normal" is always desirable either. If you leave JWs and seek to become utterly "normal" then is not that simply swapping one sort of heteronomy for another?
• 

  Scarred for life

  I think one big key here for your children as compared to my family environment is that you have talked about it all openly. My parents never talked to me about it at all. On the few occasions that I or my sister brought it up to my mother she refused to talk about it. There was never an explanation as to why they became JWs or why they stayed as long as they did or why they began to fade or anything. I completely rebelled when I was 15 and refused to go anymore. I don't think my mother ever forgave me for that even though she eventually quit going herself. She didn't like the fact that I "rocked the boat" and "created some waves" within the family both our immediate family and our JW extended family.

  Good point about not being very good witnesses. I think the "better" the witness family, the harder it is on the kids. We were "model" witnesses for at least the first 11 or so years of my life. Things started changing after that for, I think, a variety of reasons. We had moved to a third city and a third congreation. It just never worked for us. I cannot think of one positive experience from that congregation. I cannot think of one person that I liked or felt was a friend to me or my family.

  But there were years where our "family vacation" consisted of going to assemblies and nothing else. There are no family bonds strengthened at assembliesMy sister and I never took dance classes or did things that "normal" kids did like participate in sports.

  "All of them know they have parents that love them and want the best for them"

  I don't know if I can say that about my parents. That is sad but true. The only people I can really say that about in my past is my non-JW grandparents. In my experiences, being a JW wrings all the love out of people and you are left with heartless zombies.
• 

  beksbks

  I was born in, and my parents both became Dubs as children. We had a large family (on both sides) and EVERYONE was a witness. The few odd family members who were not Dubs were basically unheard of. Many of them I never met. I believe one of the biggest detrimental effects the JW life has on someone raised in my position, is lack of trust. From day one, you are taught that anyone who is not a witness is somehow evil. Bad intentions, dishonest, etc. Yet hypocrisy within the congregation is fairly common. It really skewes a child's thinking and perception of the world. As far as not being a good witness, my experience is that is was even worse that we weren't very active. There was always something to be slightly ashamed of. My family didn't give talks or go in service much. So here we are, no part of this world, but the black sheep of the world we were supposed to be part of. Always apart from the group, and never quite good enough.
• 

  Scarred for life

  beksbks:

  You've brought up some excellent points. My father's family was not a part of JWs AT ALL. For the most part, they loved and accepted us anyway and I still have warm, loving relationships with those that are still alive. I did have some window into "normal" life through them. Both of my uncles have very close families and live in the same towns as their children and grandchildren. They have closer, more loving families than all my JW relatives combined. There is something about the JWs that keep everyone at arm's length including parents and children.

  Yes, I do have a big problem with lack of trust with almost everyone.

  Hypocrisy within the JW congregations is rampant and is basically what drove me out at 15, actually moreso than me not believing. It was really after I left that I realized everything was a lie.

  As far as not being a good witness, my experience is that is was even worse that we weren't very active. There was always something to be slightly ashamed of. My family didn't give talks or go in service much. So here we are, no part of this world, but the black sheep of the world we were supposed to be part of. Always apart from the group, and never quite good enough.

  This is very, very true. I did experience this side of things also. Because when we moved to our third and final congregation we never fit in and the family did start fading. I felt great shame. I was ashamed of being a JW when I was at school and I was ashamed of not going in service enough and missing meetings with the JWs. I was not proud of ANYTHING. I had nothing in my life to be proud of. It was constant shame. You've said it very well.
• 

  NanaR

  I was raised as a JW (5th generation on my mother's side). I had a very happy childhood. I actually liked all the Witness stuff -- assemblies especially. I never really minded not celebrating holidays. I decided that being different was okay. I met my husband at an international convention. We've been married almost 35 years.

  I believe that my happy upbringing was due to my parents, not to their crazy religion. After my father died, people in the congregation (especially the elders) treated me very differently from the way I was treated when he was alive. My father was a legend in the congregation; everyone loved him, and he converted most of the other elders that were serving when I walked.

  I learned just how devious and evil the organization was after my father died and my daughter became the focus of a disciplinary matter.

  So yes it was possible to grow up as a Witness without ill effects when I was growing up, but it did not seem to be possible to raise my children in the organization without bad effects later, hence my decade plus "fade".

  But I personally do not feel that I suffered at all as a result of being raised a witness.

  Ruth
• 

  sammielee24

  Something else too I have noticed is that some people seem to have escaped it well, but when you dig deeper, they really did not escape as untouched, as was originally thought.

  I believe that.

  I do not believe that it is possible for a child raised in it to escape from the tentacles completely - and if the child grows into adulthood and does not move away from the control of the WTS, then the ramifications are tenfold. I know people who faded...they think they're doing great...but once in a while when you ask them about a church, blood transfusions, crosses, holidays for example - they still exhibit a certain amount of fear and confusion about where they stand and why. They don't always understand that the subtle prejudice against the world and people in it, becomes evident from time to time in the way they speak or the things they say.

  If the WTS were more mainstream and not a doomsday religion, teaching children fear of the world and a hope for the destruction of the earth, then perhaps I would say they do little damage. A conversation on the board around the value of Santa Claus in a child's life was interesting in that a child in the WTS is taught that they will never die if they stay with their 'friends'. The damage done to a child when they find out that Santa Claus is dad, compares in no way to the damage done to a child who when he becomes an adult, realizes he will in fact die and he is totally unprepared for that. sammieswife.
• 

  JimmyPage

  I think most of you are being too nice about the subject.

  I was raised a JW from childhood by 2 JW parents.

  It hinders you socially. It hinders you economically.

  You always feel like you're playing catch-up and not living up to your full potential.

  You feel guilty for wanting to pursue your dreams and just be yourself.
• 

  Scarred for life

  I really, really agree with you Jimmy Page. It is true with me and everyone else I know that was raised a JW.