Yeah I know….so I like "Introductions That Arouse Interests" on my subject lines! But the Danger is at the end of this post, not the beginning. This is actually a very serious thread for oompa… and not my first, but I apologize in advance for it being the longest I have ever posted. Of course I know many won't read it...maybe because I cut up a lot here on JWD, but I have found that it is how I cope...at least partly....with with the many stresses caused by my abrupt and painful Wake-Up to reality. The reality that I had been lied to my entire life of 45 years in this religion…as had my three previous generations since my Great Grandpa bought in in 1919. I had doubted for so many years, but of course even when I asked my Dad and other Elders about them…I was told to just “wait on Jehovah”… and so I would just store them away... on the dusty shelf in the back of my mind
But then the shelf became full…it could not hold anymore doubts…so I was forced to confront them head on. What did this require?....it required something I had never done before. You see…when you are raised from birth being told you are part of the only group in the world that knows the “truth” of the Bible.. and that we are the only ones on earth that God approves of…and that He shares these truth directly with the wise men who lead us…the way in which you study the Bible is very different. Very different from those in other religions or those who have never been religious.
Since you KNOW it is the “truth”….then when you study…there is really no need to question anything…because since you know it is the “truth”…then everything you read and study automatically confirms everything you have been taught….the wonderful “truths” that you are so glad you know. Oh how incredible to have the “truth!”…nice and easy on the mind except for all the meetings and field service……but since we had the “truth”…it was no big deal to spend all that time in what is for some reason called “worshiping Jehovah”….because our reward for doing so would give us a lot more time!.....”life everlasting in paradise surrounded only by our loving brothers and sisters"…and hey,we may even be naked.
But when you face your shelf full of doubts head on…strange things happen. You actually start to study with a mind open to the thought…”hmmm…what if this really is not the truth?” Once that happened to me…I was able to study the Bible with NO PRE-CONCIEVED NOTIONS!!…of course I had never needed to do that before…since I had the “truth.” I could now ask serious questions, and research them with a desire to find the ACTUAL ANSWERS….rather than just to reaffirm my already known “truths.”
I at first researched using ONLY Watchtower source material like a good Witness. In fact, after a year of doing this intently…obsessively actually….I had enough concerns to meet with my CO…and then after the shock that the CO laid on me confirming one of big doubts, I wrote the Society. Well of course the info I sent in was so complete (very long letter)…that they were forced to agree with some of my well studied research…but also blatantly lie about the rest…so blatant in fact…that they sent their reply not to ME…but my local elders to READ to me…not even let me see…and not give me a copy!!...so now it got spooky…strange...weird...with so many layers of deceit going on that is was like the Bourne Identity. They even told me the reason they could not give me the letter was because of fear it could be used by Apostates!!...well I pretty much said how the Hell could they do that if it is the “truth” about our Bible??...they were silent. Funny, but the odd way it was all handled only reassured me that this Organization was NOT the truth.
So I crashed very hard. For me... it was no longer the “truth”…my lifelong dream shattered…the rest of my family still dreaming the dream…and so I pretty much I became an angry raging apostate for a year… and made my wonderful but hardcore JW wife cry every week…I sooo regret that, as everyone should be entitled to their own beliefs!! Avoid doing that to ones you love if any are still reading this. And I drank a lot...self-medicated…and went to shrinks…and was on more meds that you would ever believe…because my wife insisted I was nuts and had turned me into the elders for being here…but thank GOD! (oops..I mean JWD!)……for finding this lifeline!
JWD did not fix my problems…or change my behavior much…but it was a lifeline…a true support group…not an evil apostate site….and I have clung to it…lived here...some here would say far too much...as you can see from my numerous posts, but hey…I have already admitted to being obsessive. The truth is, when you lose nearly all your friends…and your family will no longer discuss anything religious…even though they are the things that really trouble you (isn’t that funny…I just realized I have always been able to go to my Parents with ANYTHING that bothered me…but not this). When you are in that situation...and oh how many I have seen like that here....then you REALLY need someone to talk to. You need friends who understand what you may be going through…and I found them on JWD...and nowhere else.
What is incredible is that nobody on JWD starts out being your friend…they are total strangers…but they know that you may be hurting in ways that no other group of people can even imagine…or understand. And what do they immediately start to do?...they listen and try to help…they care for you because they themselves may have been here before once in tears… while typing their heart out…and total strangers held them and comforted them. Total strangers would provide answers to your questions…or confirm what you have already discovered…and it makes you start to not feel like such a FREAK…you are not crazy after all. That is what I love about finding JWD.
THE DANGER ON JWD
The danger is that being here can be so comforting…that as you heal…and get better…it can also become a helluva lot of fun! And of course you will become concerned with others here that you now want to help. Before you know it you spend so much time here that you may be neglecting things outside of this Cyberworld!!...and that is the danger. JWD can indeed help you make REAL friends…even if you don’t to to each other, cause PM’s and chat-rooms and e-mails and texts can build real friendships. But before you know it, you are on your apostaphone while sitting your truck or in your garage so you won’t offend your wife! And that increases a problem you already have…..your ever growing double life. I hate mine! But have gotten damm good at it unfortunately.
So just be cautious of these little “dangers”…because when you are really hurting…you may need distractions, and JWD can become an incredible distraction...with moving on in your life in some way...or fixing things in your own real world. Not everyone on JWD is able to find total freedom from the JW cult…I now have many friends here who just can not escape fully…and for many a good reason. I urge all those here who are totally free to always show respect for those who for whatever reason can not be free of it…I know that we would all appreciate that. So anyway…I hope to slow down now with my posting…I have many things to deal with outside of Cyberworld that I have really been neglecting.
So once again Simon...thanks you for JWD and now JWN....and I sooo love you guys… and thank you sooo much for being here….....oompa
...OUTLAW