Jehovah is getting ready with his design for humans and he calls his worker bee angels to a meeting so they can go over the matter. Jehovah did all the design work, but is only going to be supervising the creation of humans and will leave the actual construction to his worker bees.
Jehovah calls the meeting to order and says,"I want to make sure you construct these humans according to my precise design, so let's go over my checklist one final time, ok?
Angels: "Aye, aye, sir!"
Jehovah: "Give them total freedom of choice."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make sure that the majority of all the choices they can make in life results in a lot of pain for them."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Give them an insatiable desire to have sex."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make sure their energy is sapped by guilt even when they just think about sex."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make lots of diseases they can catch when they have sex."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make the female capable of having multiple orgasms with multiple partners even into old age."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make a law that says females can only have one mate, and make that mate a sex partner that can never totally satisfy his female. Make sure his hormones start to dry up just as the women is coming into her sexual prime. Also, make sure the female gets blamed for those problems."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Oh, and make sure the human body starts to rot and fall apart just when humans are beginning to get things figured out."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Give the humans a bunch of Holy Books, and make sure those Holy Books are all full of shit."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make sure you create some humans who are convinced they have Divine Knowledge and are convinced they know why human existence is so miserable. You'll need to create some real idiots to pull that one off. Do the same thing with politicians."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Find a way to make humans blame someone else instead of Me for all their problems."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Wait! Better yet, also find a way for them to worship and love me even MORE because of all of the problems I am giving them."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Make lots of poisonous plants and animals that will kill humans and make some of them so small, they can't even be seen. Find a way to blame someone else for that, too."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "I want you to make sure there is great deal of variety among humans: different shapes, sizes, customs, cultures, races and languages."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Then, make sure humans have a tendency to hate and fear anyone with different shapes, sizes, customs, cultures, races and languages."
Angels: "Check!"
Jehovah: "Have you guys thoroughly tested the Earth prototype yet?"
Angels: "What do you mean?"
Jehovah: "I mean do the earthquakes, volcanos, hurricanes, tornados, floods, famines, blights, droughts, pestilences and asteroid collisions all work properly?"
Angels: "Tested and all working properly, sir!"
Jehovah: "Have you run the human scenario through a simulator yet?"
Angels: "Yes, we have, sir!"
Jehovah: "How did it go?"
Angels: "Great, sir! The simulator shows continuous and countless wars, plagues, genocides, enslavement, hatred, fear, torture and evil, just as you predicted, Sir.
Jehovah: "Does the simulator project that humans will ever correct the condition I am putting them in?"
Angels: "No. It predicts that condition will last as long as humans last, Sir."
Jehovah: "Well, great! Let's get this human show on the road. Who's got the popcorn?"
Farkel
...OUTLAW