If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

by John Doe 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    And so I adopt a new motto. I'm forming a new religion. I'll be a deity. Here's a list of rules:

    1. Thou shalt not use the proper name of our deity; rather, thou shalt call him Maestro of the Wonderful Endowment.
    2. Thou shalt eat only foods that are acceptible to his holiness; namely, beef, pork, chicken, fish, grains, dairy, deserts. Under no circumstances shall thou eatest of the tuna in cans. Such is an abomination unto the Maestro.
    3. Proper respect for the Maestro is an accoutrement and compliment unto the humble and glorious ladies. Therefore, all ladies of character shall offer back massage and oil treatmens freely and without reservation every day the sun rises. Men, being lesser vessels, have greater needs of character building worship. Therefore, men of character shall always give freely with their monetary possessions unto the church of the Maestro. If there is any man amony you who will not give freely, then neither let him come into the sight of the Maestro.
    4. What happens in the Maestro's haven, stays in the Maestro's haven. Thou shalt not ask questions or speculate. A wicked tongue licks the spiderweb of treachery and gossip. The devil shall smite thy wicked tongues, cause he's a badass mofo.
    5. These rules are not intended to encompass every aspect of the agreement between the Maestro and the scum bag followers. All words are open to interpretation, equivocation, modification, and euthenasia at the sole discression and whims of the Maestro. This directly means that the Maestro shall have exclusive power to determine what words mean, who can use them, and who can think them.
  • beksbks
    beksbks

    Johnny, have you been eating moldy bread again??

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    I'll smite thee, you impish naysayer!

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    OK, I hate canned tuna, I'm glorious, humble and of good character, I enjoy gossiping and being smote by bad ass mofo's... finally a religion I can do! Sign me up! Wait a minute....I'm not sure about Rule #1. I'm going to have to see that Wonderful Endowment with my own eyes first...

  • Clam
    Clam

    OK I might be back later as I've got a few more to look at.

  • John Doe
    John Doe
    I'm going to have to see that Wonderful Endowment with my own eyes first...

    Oh ye of little faith. . .

  • Outaservice
    Outaservice

    I think I'll pass on your new religion. No offense....

    Outaservice

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    I think I'll pass on your new religion.

    Ah, an infidel I see. Only those who can truly see are not blind.

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    When will you be available to your public?

  • dinah
    dinah

    Sign me up!! Anytime men are seen as the weaker vessel, I'm there!!

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