JW's and not having real friends

Iwonder17

I have been a JW my whole life and am just realizing now that I have no friends. The 1 or 2 good friends that I had as a child have since moved away and now I am stuck trying to make friends with people in the hall that I am in that don't want anything to do with me cuz I'm not a MS, Elder or pioneer.

It's weird, because I look at Facebook or other sites where people talk about their day or what they have been doing and it seems like people "in the world" have a lot of friends and have a good/happy life.

I think that the JW's are so busy with all of the WTBS stuff that they don't have the energy to take time to be friends with others.

I am sad...cuz I don't see a way to get any realy friends as too much of my family is in the "truth" and I'm stuck in it

BabaYaga

You are not "stuck" with anything. You have choices.

Start school (just take a class or two to start with.) Volunteer with an organization you like or would like to support. Smile and speak to strangers more. Far contrary to what the Witnesses would beat into you, there are lots of wonderful people in this world.

quietlyleaving

volunteering is a good transition and you can do it for as little as 3 or 4 hours a week. If you have time, studying something fun and educational is great too. Exploring nature, historical sites are also great. As an added bonus discuss your new exploits with your JW friends (but in moderation).

Firendships outside of the WTS are different. So allow yourself time to adjust.

Above all come here and talk to us.

Iwonder17

It's just weird that I don't think that the dubs even realize how crappy their lives are. They are so busy, they don't take time to make meaningful and lasting relationships.

How many times have you heard to the meetings " the best way to get to know someone is to spend time in the ministry with them" OMG it makes me want to puke

truthsetsonefree

Volunteering has really worked well for me.

Isaac

Simon

It's never too late to make a fresh start and make new friends.

I found opening up to people, while really difficult and almost painful, helped to make friends and also explain to people why I may come out with odd things sometimes. People are very forgiving and patient or maybe I've just been incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people as friends.

The one thing I am sure of is that I never really had true friends while I was a JW but have met some absolutely awesome people since we left.

quietlyleaving

simon

I found opening up to people, while really difficult and almost painful, helped to make friends and also explain to people why I may come out with odd things sometimes. People are very forgiving and patient or maybe I've just been incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people as friends.

this is so true. I found tutorials really difficult. Other students seemed so knowledgeable and wise. I seemed alwasy to be misunderstanding. Well, I decided to talk to my tutor and explain my situation because I'd almost decided to stop attending tutorials. An amazing transformation took place as my tutor insightfully broadened the discussions to include my input.

Iwonder

It's weird, because I look at Facebook or other sites where people talk about their day or what they have been doing and it seems like people "in the world" have a lot of friends and have a good/happy life.

a word of warning - facebook can be misleading and it can make you feel more lonely and cutoff. The good/happy life it protrays isn't real, so please take it with a pinch of salt. (mind you I haven't tried it for myself but am basing my views on seeing the "what others are doing feed system" in acton)

BluesBrother

Iwonder17 is very much right..In dubworld, you have associates, not friends. If you even move congs it usually means the end of "friendship" . "We are just so busy in the faith" they say - so they get on with whoever happens to be out in service with them.

But cultivating and retaining friendship is an art that an still be practised even within the Borg. Some are good at it, usually women. You have to work at it though, I was never good at it.

If you are a young person, use this time to really examine what you believe, THE TRUTH does not come from friends, it comes from study and reasoning, then you know which direction you want to go..

Newborn

Dear Iwonder,

That wordly people are dangerous and not very nice people and you should not be too close friends with them is one of the ugliest lies of the WT.

I've the best friends ever now since leaving and haven't missed my so called "dub friends" one sec. As you say yourself they are only your friends under certain conditions...who needs such friends?

I'm sure you'll meet wonderful persons who may be friends for life, at school, work, when you travel, in the store, at the gym, anywhere! And you have us:-)

Good luck!

/Newborn

fokyc

JUST "one of the ugliest lies of the WT."

There are SO many real friends here on this forum, forget the past and move on,

build others up by mixing with the world; STOP destroying yourself and others with the JW's ideas.

fokyc

JW's and not having real friends

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