JW's and not having real friends

by Iwonder17 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  I am really surprised that your new congo is not love bombing you with friendship. Everytime i have moved to a new hall, friends were INSTANT, because this really is a worldwide bruddahood. I have traveled all over the world and found this to be the case. Recently i told A@G that because this loving group of jws is a reality....very few social skills are needed to make new friends....since they even call themselves "the friends"........the subject came up cause my 23 year old dfd son recently told me he is having problems making friends with anyone not a former jw. i also realize that it is even easier to make true friends with those here on jwd....cause we have gone from a very special small bruddahood...to and even smaller one here....but there is MUCH more REAL things we have in common here.....and we are more genuine and certainly less non-judgemental

  i do want to say that the friends i had as a jw were REAL friends at the time.....i have been with them as they died or with the families of the one dying....they have been by my side as friends or family of mine died.....the tears that were said were REAL....the support i had was REAL....the comfort given was REAL........and i understand why they are not by my side now........oompa

  there are a lot of good people in that ol bunch....i miss many of them....funny, but i never had any real issues with them....just the lies i found out about
• 

  shopaholic

  Iwonder,

  Everyone has given you really good advice. You're not "stuck" in the religion. If you're an adult, you have a choice. Its a very controlling religion that makes you feel as if you don't have choices and that the world will eat you alive. None of that is true.

  Liars, drug users, alcoholics, fornicators, adulterers, pedophiles, perverts in general...you find them in the world and you will find PLENTY of them in the congregation. Not all of these folks are DF'd before the congregation, so much goes hush-hush depending on who you are, if your daddy is an elder or if your family has money so most in the congo don't even know whose in their congo.

  Don't let the world scare you. But like someone else said, friendships outside the org are different. People actually talk to you instead of at you. Open up a little bit and share things about yourself. The first time I went out with a group of non-witnesses after leaving, it felt soooooo strange. It took time to figure them out and guess what...they are not the devil.

  It takes time. I hope everything works out for you.
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  Scully

  The JWs I used to know weren't the "best" friends anyway. As long as the sun was shining and you didn't need anything from them, such as emotional support or a shoulder to cry on in a crisis, things were ok. Mind you, they could suck you dry when they needed stuff from you, and knew how to work the Brotherly Guilt angle like nobody's business, when they were on the receiving end, but if the tables were turned, they forgot you existed.

  With friends like that, who needs enemies?

  It's taken the better part of a decade to cultivate new friendships and rekindle old ones (thank you Facebook), but the real friends I have now are 1000% improvement over the JWs who, almost ironically, refer to themselves as The Friends™.
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  primitivegenius

  the best advice that i can give is start makeing friends NOW. dont wait untill the poop hits the rotateing blades. my mother in law(jw) is always trying to bash my wife over the head regarding how she spoke to her girlfriend or whatever the other day and whatever. my wifes reply.......... nope they never were my real friends, i moved 15 minutes away and quit going to the hall and poof they NEVER visited me. if they would have been real friends then they wouldnt have stopped until they knew what the problem was and when they found out what was up they would have had her back.

  right now you got the so called friends......... which are really associates with conditions. if you get your 10 hours a month, if you drive a 4 door car........... dress appropriately............ no........... um........ according to their standards aka ignorant rules and regulations from fickle biatchez. if you stop doing any of those things............. and a million more...... then they gonna consider you bad association. poof your done, they cut you off like you got leprosy.

  right now you think......... i could never leave i have to much family in......... what happens when you forget to log off and they see you posting on this site.......... poof, what happens when you finally get fed up with the bulls***? when your conscience screams at you untill you have no choice but to leave? what then?

  prepare now, lots of good advice here on how to start makeing friends, work mates you like hanging out with, online video gamers? people who have the same hobbies that you do. those jw fools will look down their nose at you........... but in the end you could get many TRUE friends outta it. so when it all comes down to it in the future..... or tomorrow as the case may be......... you got a support system of friends already set up.

  honestly WHY do you think they wont let you have any so called "worldly" friends.......... they want you STUCK in that cult. if you got no one else to turn to............ then you can allow yourself to be forced into staying.

  make em now and keep em. make claims that you are talking to them about the organization.............. hell count your field service time with them lol........ say your studying with them, hell of alot better than wasteing your time knocking on someone elses door. you get a friend that will let you play that................ tell them what you need them to say if asked lol and your out of haveing to waste your saturday mornings. and damn you got 4 bible studies wow.............. thats how many times the national average............. kinda ewww as far as im concerned...... but i damn sure wish i could get back all that time i wasted knocking on peoples doors.

  now im the type to leave as soon as i see somethings rubbish...... but i did have one return visit........ id go over to his house and talk about hum........ electronics, guns, movies................ all sorts of things. we would trade things and shoot guns and have a good time when i came to visit him. was the coolest old batchlor to hang out with, that was the ONLY return visit i ever made that was worth makeing. if ya gonna waste ya time at least have fun doing it.
• 

  steve2

  Iwonder17,

  It's interesting to make comparisons between being raised in the JW organization and any other strict religious group. Whether the background was with the JWs, Brethren, Mormons and, yes, even some Adventist groups, the problems in adjusting to life on the outside are pretty much the same.

  There is a lot of good, sensible information available to help you make your adjustment. You can proceed at your own pace in your own time. There is no rush...you'll soon learn that they "Urgency" that used to drive you as a JW is no longer necessary. The best news is that lots of people from all sorts of different backgrounds do have an understanding of what you're going through. Go well.
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  Sunspot

  SO MANY of us can sympathize with your predicament! After 30 years of complying with WTS requirements on not having "worldly friends" I found myself in the same situation. The WTS had slowly kept me so busy with THEIR pursuits and obeying THEIR ideas on friendship, that all my nonJWs friends and relatives had been slowly and methodically eased out of my life.

  I look back and see NOW that they had planned it this way all along. They do want WANT any JW to have ANY love, companionship OR support other than with other JWs. It is just one more "tiny thing" they neglect to tell you when one is "studying with JWs", and one that they know will stand over your head if you think of leaving.

  You have gotten some excellent suggestions on how to go about breaking ground to finding NEW friends, and I can't think of a thing I could add to what has already been said......except to say that to BE a friend, will do wonders to FIND a friend. I wish you the very best in doing this!

  hugs,

  Annie
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  XxJazzxX

  It was kind of weird to touch on this subject with my wife, since she had always been in touch with family outside the WT all her life. however, thougout her life, practically all her friends were in the WT until she met me. my best friends has became her best friends. my close friends became her close friends. and my associates became her associates.

  Her "so-called" best friend is still in the WT. There was a convention on saturday(not sure if it was a district convention or not) and i heard she was getting baptised. My wife didnt attend for whatever reason, but she had slight guilt that she didnt go because her friend went to hers.

  Im starting to see a change in my wife. She hasnt been going to the meetings lately, and shes been telling me that she dont feel like being around people, particularly her JW people.