Why did the spider cross the road.................To get to a new website
The stupid father of one of my kids.........
by oompa 41 Replies latest social humour
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watson
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
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OnTheWayOut
Two priest's were using the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and
see's what he assumes is a nicotine patch on the other guy's member. He says
"I'm not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on
your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine right there. I'm
down to two butts a day"! -
OnTheWayOut
One Sunday after mass is all over, the two priests decided to hit the showers.
After getting all wet, the priests realized that there was no soap.
So one priest says "I have extra soap in my room, I'll go get some".
So he leaves to fetch the soap and doesn't bother to get dressed figuring nobody
would still be in the church at such a late hour? So he comes back from his room
with two bars of soap and is walking down the hall when suddenly he hears voices
coming around the corner, so with his quick thinking he froze to the wall, stiff as a
statue. He thought he might get away with that because the light was dim and there
were a bunch of very white statues of naked men.
The voices turned out to be that of three nuns who saw what they thought was a new
statue. They stopped to look at it and admire how realistic it looked and what a nice
body it had.
One of the nuns reaches out and grabbed his penis.
Startled, he dropped a bar of soap, with this the nun said "Oh look, a soap dispencer."
A second nun also reaches out and also grabs his penis, again he drops a bar of soap.
With this the nun says "Yes it's true, it is a soap dispencer".
Wanting to get her share of soap and excitement too, the third nun reaches out and
grabs his penis.
But nothing happended for he was all out of soap, so she goes on yanking and pulling
his penis for the next few minutes until, to her delight, she squeals "Oh! Look, handcream!" -
musky
I had a hard time remembering important dates like anniversaries,etc. So I went to the florist and said,"just always send flowers to my wife on those special days and put it on my account. That worked great until I came home one day and she showed me the flowers. I said" Nice flowers, Where did you get em?"
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hubert
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
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Priest73
An old soldier walks up to the gates of the white house and asks to speak to President Hillary Clinton. The marine at the gate kindly informs the old salt that Hillary lost her bid for the Presidency.
The next day the same old soldier walks up to the gate of the white house and this time demands to see president Hillary Clinton. This time the marine on duty chuckles and says "Hillary lost the election sir."
The next day the old solider comes back, more aggitated than before, demanding once again to see President Hillary Clinton. The marine, finally loosing his cools says "Dammit! I've told you! Hillary is NOT president!!! She LOST!"
The old soldier says, "I know. I just like hearing it."
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watson
Ba, dum, bum, rim shot.
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Elsewhere
lol
Oompa, this reminds me of a time when I dated an elementary school teacher. In passing she mentioned her "27 kids".
Me -->
She quickly clarified.