The day after Valentine's

by JimmyPage 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    I had a pretty normal day yesterday until it was time for bed. Then my wife said: "We need to talk." I said okay and waited for her to say something but she didn't speak. So I talked.

    I assumed she wanted to speak more about what I believed. I told her I didn't feel that the position I took was my fault, that it was the Society's (thanks for reminding me of that, purple sofa!) I told her that I hoped she didn't regret marrying me.

    I told her that I still believed in treating others with kindness and that I still believed that Jesus died for us so that we could have forgiveness. This prompted her to ask, "What about Jehovah?" I said I believed that is one of the names for God. She said, "One of the names?" I said, "Yes, there is Jehovah, there is Yahweh, there is Allah. Yahweh and Jehovah come from the Tetragrammaton." She said, "Yes, we don't know the exact pronunciation of God's name." I said, "And the New World Translation wasn't the first bible to restore the name 'Jehovah' throughout."

    I told her that I could relate to her the history of the Society but that it was something she would probably want to look into herself. I told her the story of a non-JW, Steve Hassan. I related how he became involved with the Moonies and how he fought his parents tooth and nail because he thought they were under the Devil's influence. I told her it was good that she was able to examine these things now as opposed to when she becomes very old. I told her that I had come to grips with a lot of things recently and that I know it takes time to heal.

    Apparently these weren't the things she had in mind to talk about. She said she wanted to go to the elders this week and confess our sins that we committed before marriage. I said, "Didn't you go to the back room when you were younger?" I emphasized, "You told me it was THE worst experience of your life." I told her that the elders would probably want all kinds of sexual details and that I didn't feel like that was any of their business. I said, "I don't mind confessing that we committed fornication. It's all the other nosy questions that I don't agree with." She said, "Yes, it is so embarrassing, you wouldn't believe what they ask."

    I wasn't sure why she was all of a sudden wanting to talk about our sexual misconduct until I read the board today. I then realized, oh, it was probably the article about sex that was guilting her into this. Anyway, I led her in a prayer at the time time asking for God's forgiveness and thanking him for the sacrifice of his son that made this possible.

    Whatever happens, whether I DA or get DF'd, I am at peace. And I have this board to thank for it. You guys pointed me toward Ray's and Steve's books and they have been a godsend. I have learned so much and appreciate everyone here.

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    Oh yeah, I want to add that I told her that I try to look at everything in life with a sense of humor and not take things too seriously because it's all pretty silly anyway. And it is.

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    Oh and I told her that now that I'm a parent I realize what unconditional love is and that I could never shun my child. I told her that I was offended by people who do that and that they are really missing out.

  • Robdar
    Robdar

    Curious as to why she would want to confess fornication. It's my opinion that you didn't commit fornication. You were engaged, and having intercourse just sealed the deal before God. Then, of course you went on and took public vows. Marriage happens in the heart and on a spiritual plane long before it materializes into this dimension. There was no fornication as far as I can see.

    Thanks for the update. I can tell you are at peace. I get all kinds of peaceful vibes off your post. Let us know what else happens.

    Robyn

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    I think the book about zen living that I've been reading has been helping me too.

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    Page....

    Why does she feel that your marriage should be an open book to these people?

    Where is your private life?

    Seems to me, if you object to your private life being scrutinized by these people, and she goes ahead with it, then the borg has actually usurped your authority as head of your household.

    She is giving them the power to condemn you.

    And futhermore, why does she feel the need to be punished by these old farts? Because you know that's what will happen.

    Why don't you remind her that in marriage, two become one....not a committee.

  • sacolton
    sacolton

    The most important thing is that you're doing this for YOU. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for her too.

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    When I was a die hard JW, I used to reason that if I had a problem it may be due to some sin I covered up. I would go crazy trying to figure it out, this coupled with that ridiculous Watchtower probably has your poor wife thinking that your problems are due to this sin that was "covered up". Wouldn't they just love to get you in that back room with all their perverted questions and this would make it so nice and tidy for them to get rid of you on these grounds. I am afraid she will get you there and bring up your doubts. Hopefully praying with her and asking forgiveness will appease her. It seems like you are handling everything beautifully.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga
    JimmyPage said: Whatever happens, whether I DA or get DF'd, I am at peace.

    I am actually very happy for you. My thoughts and best wishes are still with you and your wife.

    Love,
    Baba.

  • Mary
    Mary

    Hey Jimmy.......I wouldn't worry too much about what the elders say. When my best friend (at the time) got married, her and her hubby had engaged in (gasp!) 'loose conduct' before they were married. In a nutshell, she let him go down on her. Happened once. Anyway, about 3 or 4 years after they were married, she dragged her hubby before the elders to confess their sin. The elders didn't do anything and said 'well, that was a long time ago, so there's really nothing we can do about it now.'

    Most of the Dubs I know all had sex before they were married. Are you even going to go to talk to the elders if they ask to see you??

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