I had a pretty normal day yesterday until it was time for bed. Then my wife said: "We need to talk." I said okay and waited for her to say something but she didn't speak. So I talked.
I assumed she wanted to speak more about what I believed. I told her I didn't feel that the position I took was my fault, that it was the Society's (thanks for reminding me of that, purple sofa!) I told her that I hoped she didn't regret marrying me.
I told her that I still believed in treating others with kindness and that I still believed that Jesus died for us so that we could have forgiveness. This prompted her to ask, "What about Jehovah?" I said I believed that is one of the names for God. She said, "One of the names?" I said, "Yes, there is Jehovah, there is Yahweh, there is Allah. Yahweh and Jehovah come from the Tetragrammaton." She said, "Yes, we don't know the exact pronunciation of God's name." I said, "And the New World Translation wasn't the first bible to restore the name 'Jehovah' throughout."
I told her that I could relate to her the history of the Society but that it was something she would probably want to look into herself. I told her the story of a non-JW, Steve Hassan. I related how he became involved with the Moonies and how he fought his parents tooth and nail because he thought they were under the Devil's influence. I told her it was good that she was able to examine these things now as opposed to when she becomes very old. I told her that I had come to grips with a lot of things recently and that I know it takes time to heal.
Apparently these weren't the things she had in mind to talk about. She said she wanted to go to the elders this week and confess our sins that we committed before marriage. I said, "Didn't you go to the back room when you were younger?" I emphasized, "You told me it was THE worst experience of your life." I told her that the elders would probably want all kinds of sexual details and that I didn't feel like that was any of their business. I said, "I don't mind confessing that we committed fornication. It's all the other nosy questions that I don't agree with." She said, "Yes, it is so embarrassing, you wouldn't believe what they ask."
I wasn't sure why she was all of a sudden wanting to talk about our sexual misconduct until I read the board today. I then realized, oh, it was probably the article about sex that was guilting her into this. Anyway, I led her in a prayer at the time time asking for God's forgiveness and thanking him for the sacrifice of his son that made this possible.
Whatever happens, whether I DA or get DF'd, I am at peace. And I have this board to thank for it. You guys pointed me toward Ray's and Steve's books and they have been a godsend. I have learned so much and appreciate everyone here.