I don't care if people are married to more than one person at a time. I would turn anyone in for welfare fraud or abuse though.
Would you turn in your neighbour if he was a polygamist?
by sammielee24 29 Replies latest jw friends
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drwtsn32
+1 rebel8
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mkr32208
I'm still trying to figure out how to get insurance for my new 'wife' maybe I should adopt her?
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White Dove
As long as no one is getting hurt, I don't care how many wives or husbands a person has. I'm for the alternative lifestyle of polyamory, anyway.
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shopaholic
No. When you really think about, its not such a bad deal.
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parakeet
Even if all are consenting adults, polygamy destroys family life. The "wives" and "husband" can't develop the same kind of intimate relationship that two married people can. There's just "not enough" of the husband (emotionally) to go around. Women who have fled polygamy talk about the jealousy and backbiting among the wives -- who's the favorite, the youngest, the prettiest, who spends the most time with the husband, etc. It's not an arrangement designed for the happiness of women; only the man.
It also deprives children of their father. If you have thirty-two children who lives in different houses with their respective mothers (as is typical in the FLDS), there's no way you can be a good father to that many children. Even if the desire to be a good father is there and you have "only" half that number, how do you allot your time to be a good father to them all? It can't be done. And who suffers? -- the children.
In the FLDS sects, the higher number of wives you have, the higher your status in the church. Polygamy isn't marriage -- it's simply an onging collection of women (and girls) to one-up other men in the church. It treats women as chattel and the children as numbers.
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jws
Even if all are consenting adults, polygamy destroys family life. The "wives" and "husband" can't develop the same kind of intimate relationship that two married people can. There's just "not enough" of the husband (emotionally) to go around. Women who have fled polygamy talk about the jealousy and backbiting among the wives -- who's the favorite, the youngest, the prettiest, who spends the most time with the husband, etc. It's not an arrangement designed for the happiness of women; only the man.
I don't think polygamy necessarily destroys family life. The way it's practiced might. Sure, the dynamics are different. The wife and husband may not be the same as a one-to-one relationship. But in some such relationships, the "wives" can develop intimacy between themselves. So you have more of a support group. Not in the mormon church, but I've also heard of very succesful partnerships with two men and one woman.
It also deprives children of their father. If you have thirty-two children who lives in different houses with their respective mothers (as is typical in the FLDS), there's no way you can be a good father to that many children. Even if the desire to be a good father is there and you have "only" half that number, how do you allot your time to be a good father to them all? It can't be done. And who suffers? -- the children.
Again, it seems to be the way it's practiced that's at fault. Who says they have to all live seperately? 32 kids may be a bit extreme. But with today's busy lifestyle and two-income families, there's parents of one or two children who aren't spending enough time with them but there's no huge outcry about that. There's no reason that with a limited number of children all of their needs cannot be taken care of. It would seem to be a case by case basis.
What's more, you seem to assume that a father figure is necessary. There are many women who are single parents who raise their children well. And some of those children seem to do so better than others who had a father figure in the house. There are many father figures that if they were around would be a negative influence on children.
There seem to be two different issues here. The original question deals with a polygamist. That's a multiple partner marriage. That's not specifically mormon. You seem to be focused on mormon cults exclusively, some of which are guilty of crimes that aren't necessarily caused by the act of polygamy itself, but by the culture and attitudes within the cult.
To make polygamy work, it would seem it could not be driven by one person selecting the people he wants to marry. It should be a group process. Wife #1 should also help choose wife #2. Wife 1 & 2 should help choose #3 and so on. I think that would eliminate much of the competition and backbiting. It would probably work better with (as White Dove says) polyamory. Everyone intimate with each other.
I don't think it's polygamy itself that's at fault. It's the attitudes and culture of religion that allow for atrocities and for unevenly balanced marriages among the partners.
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parakeet
jws: "The original question deals with a polygamist. That's a multiple partner marriage. That's not specifically mormon. You seem to be focused on mormon cults exclusively....."
Yes, and sorry, sammielee, for shifting the polygamy subject from the UK to the US. As to the issue of Islamic polygamy, I don't think anyone would disagree that those women are not enjoying their human rights to the full. If anything, polygamy in Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern countries is worse for women and children than in the FLDS.
jws, you mentioned ways in which polygamy might work and even be beneficial. You don't think "polygamy itself that's at fault. It's the attitudes and culture of religion that allow for atrocities." If polygamy were a stand-alone issue, your arguments would be valid. But it's my opinion that polygamy cannot be viewed in isolation. I think polygamy is an outcome, not an isolated decision, of religions that allow atrocities to occur in the name of God. I've never heard of polygamy occurring by itself, just because someone thought it might be a good idea (though there may be a few exceptions). It's always associated with a belief system that demeans women and abuses children.
An analogy might be made in JWs' refusing blood transfusions. It's a WTS "policy" that has caused many needless deaths. I don't know of anyone who would refuse a lifesaving blood transfusion just because they don't think it's a "good idea." It's the religious imperative that causes the refusal and subsequent loss of life.
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mkr32208
Even if all are consenting adults, polygamy destroys family life. The "wives" and "husband" can't develop the same kind of intimate relationship that two married people can
BS... That is such a load of crap. I happen to know of TWO polygamous couples and I know a LOT of couples in long term 'open' relationships... In fact I happen to be in one. If it doesn't work for you fine but don't try to foist your tired old morals and judgements off on the rest of us... Pleeeez!
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SnakesInTheTower
I'd turn them in for a Klondike Bar.
Snakes ()