SIT DOWN!.....i am going to the meeting next week for sex.... (page 3)

John Doe

I'm a woman StAnn and no I haven't read Lysistrata

I've read it, but it's been a while. I wasn't impressed.

LouBelle

that's how it starts....you'll be answering in no time.

cognizant dissident

Ok, StAnn, I have heard of that story, just didn't know the name of it.

I know throughout history, women have used sex as a weapon or an instrument of negotiation. Perhaps this is a reflection of their power in society or the way they were valued by men. You use what you've got. Men have also used sex as a weapon (rape).

I think men and women who claim to love each other can transcend this type of behaviour. If you take away all the societal conditioning about sex and sex roles that is put upon men and women from infancy, our true sexual natures become apparent and we will know how to treat one another as men and women.

Of course you will never learn that at a kingdom hall meeting.

StAnn

Yep, pretty soon the apostaphone will be disconnected and Bro. Oompa will be pioneering! (don't smack me, Oomps!)

StAnn

John Doe

I think men and women who claim to love each other can transcend this type of behaviour.

The implication implicit in that statement is that it's something that needs transcending. Upon what do you base that assessment?

John Doe

Whatever happened to sex just for mutual fun and pleasure or as an expression of deep love and affection? A good friend told me once that sex is the denoument of a good relationship. If there is no sex, or the sex is a routine obligation, then there is something seriously wrong with the relationship itself.

I've had similar thoughts. However, I cannot take those thoughts to the extreme you present here. I think it pretty clear that some people have no sex drive and no desire. Do you disagree? What happens when a relationship is one sided regarding this aspect, but strong in others? Would it be wrong for a spouse with no sex drive to have sex for the benefit of his or her partner? Would the relationship be unhealthy? This happens much more than you or anyone cares to admit.

From my perspective, you're looking through a romanticized and filtered of sex that is not closely paralleled with reality.

Homerovah the Almighty

I've got it Oompa take a few nude playboy pictures with to the meeting and slip them in between the magazines

and during the talks masturbate vigorously, that should really make your wife to take notice that your sexual needs are not

being met at home, this might make her remember her what her marital vows were.

Some how I can see at the back of the hall murmuring .....oh yes.... oh yes

cognizant dissident

I have no problem admitting the scenario you present is very common, John. I was presenting the romantic ideal, but trust me, I consider myself a very cynical romantic at best. After 25 years in a troubled marriage, I suffer no delusions about sex or desire.

It is unrealistic to expect two different people to always have compatible or co-inciding sexual desires. But with good communication, which is the cornerstone of a good relationship, there can be a mutual negotiation so that both partners sexual needs are met to the best extent possible.

The type of negotiation I am suggesting though, is different than the one that many men and women use because the intent is different. For example, perhaps I'm not feeling any particular sexual desire at the moment just because of where my body is in its hormonal cycle. I have no problem with satisfying my partner sexually even though I may not be in the mood. That is where sex would be an expression of my love and affection for my partner. I care about their pleasure and satisfaction too. There is no element of keeping score and thinking, OK, now what are you going to do for me. There is no sense of begrudging duty or obligation. It is a gift.

If I didn't feel like it because I had a headache, then perhaps my mate would show his concern for me by rubbing my back or neck until my headache went away. That would go along way to getting me in the mood to reciprocate. But if it didn't, I certainly wouldn't expect my mate to think I "owe" them now. The intent and motivation is in caring for the happiness and well being of your partner. That's why I agree that great sex is the denoument of a good relationship whether it's a mutual quickie just for fun or an extended love-making session.

If partners cheapen sex down to the level of a bargaining chip, then they get the kind of sexual relationship that they are aiming for.

cognizant dissident

I think men and women who claim to love each other can transcend this type of behaviour.

The implication implicit in that statement is that it's something that needs transcending. Upon what do you base that assessment?

I didn't mean to imply that John. If both people are happy with the kind of sexual relationship where the woman says, "hey if you buy me a new dress today or come to the kingdom hall with me tonight then I willl give you a blow job tomorrow", then it works for them and good for them.

For myself, personally, I do want a relationship with a partner where there is a deep physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection with my partner. I don't believe that kind of behaviour leads to that outcome. If others are satisfied with less, then who am I to criticize. Oompa just doesn't seem very satisfied to me....

ps: Formatting: I can't find the button to box the quotes anymore. Can someone tell me where it is?

cognizant dissident

I think it pretty clear that some people have no sex drive and no desire. Do you disagree? What happens when a relationship is one sided regarding this aspect, but strong in others? Would it be wrong for a spouse with no sex drive to have sex for the benefit of his or her partner? Would the relationship be unhealthy?

I think what ever a couple can negotiate that makes them both happy is fine. Knowing yourself and being honest and upfront is crucial. If one partner has a very strong sex drive and the other's is non-existent, this is a basic incompatibility that would be a deal-breaker for many. However, if the rest of the relationship is so strong that the one partner is willing to forgo a lot of sex to keep it or the other partner is willing to have sex when they really have no interest or desire, then there is nothing wrong with it or unhealthy about it. Honesty and openness is the key to that working out.

What won't work is if one person pretends to want sex or the other is silently resentful they are not getting enough. Or, if they start thinking, "Ok, I made this sacrifice for you, now you owe me something in return. What are you going to do for me.

Generally, the more compatibilities two people have, (sexual, religious, or otherwise), the greater chance of being able to negotiate a successful relationship.

SIT DOWN!.....i am going to the meeting next week for sex....

Share this