SIT DOWN!.....i am going to the meeting next week for sex....

by oompa 72 Replies latest jw friends

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  observador

  Of course the decision is all up to you, but going back to meetings, even to a few of them, may backfire in your overall strategy, if you have one.

  The problem is that doing that sends the wrong signal. She may conclude that she is winning you over; that her ideology is stronger than yours. Also she may conclude that she just needs to keep doing exactly what she's doing, which, of course, goes against your interests in the long run.

  I have read a bit about your case, and I think that the best thing for you to do is to formulate a strategy and stick with it. Taking a non-confrontational approach has worked for many people. The more she realizes how opposed you are to the "troof", the more determined she will be. The non-confrontational strategy involves showing her that you want nothing to do with the JW religion, but won't block her to do as she pleases. You may even want to drive her to the KH, assemblies, field service, etc.

  As she sees your changed attitude to her religion, women eases up a bit and began to share her true feelings with you. Then, slowly, without showing too much effort, you have to start introducing some doubts and questions in her mind, but keep subtly reminding her that the decision is on her. She needs to realize that SHE needs to do some of the work for her release. In other words, she needs to understand that her putting some effort to reevaluate her faith is something she needs to do for her, not for you.

  This strategy takes time. It takes patience. You have to keep your eyes in the greater long term benefits. In the short term, you may even develop better relations with her and, as a consequence, have more sex.

  When we find out all the things we now know about the JW religion, our rational minds wants to oppose, and oppose frontally. Some people, however, are not prepared to think rationally. They, too often, think with their emotions. With many women, we have to use some soft skills; we have to approach things psychologically, creating some small cracks in her shield. Bite. Blow, blow. Wait for another opportunity. Bite. Blow. Repeat.

  Observador.
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  observador

  Only now I read some comments made by Drew, and want to pickup on some good points made by him.

  I remember quite well the times I would try and push a response out of my wife

  I was tempted to do the same thing to some relatives. Doesn't work. Being pushy is precisely the opposite of the "Non-Confrontational" strategy I now defend.

  Looking back I can see so eaisly how obsessed I was about winning an argument...

  Same here. Obssessing about winning an argument is exactly what shows that you are working too hard to pull the person out. Let the person do some work. We must be prepared to lose some arguments to keep the flow of communication going, with eyes in the long run.

  In my particuliar case my wife was a lot more ready than I ever realized...

  Another fantastic point. Even when a JW gives the impression that he/she is unaffected by what you're saying, she has already being affected and doesn't know. Don't be misled or frustrated by the show of determination. Be patient.

  Towards the end I got a bit frustrated, pushed her more than I should of, but it was towards the end.

  I know exactly how that feels. My advice now is... don't be pushy. When we push, we give the impression that the person should do something that is in OUR interest, nor hers. That's when all types of shields are raised and she won't do.

  Trying to "reason" with people who are outside any sort of common logic is a disaster waiting to happen.

  True. These people are in a state where they can't reason.

  JWs are NOT logical, you can NOT reason with them.

  Not true. They are logical people too. The problem is that when the subject turns to religion and they know we want to win the ideological argument at any cost, their STATE of mind becomes completely irrational. That's why the "Non-Confrontational" approach helps as the JW starts to see no reason for being irrationally defensive.

  Just because a Watchtower magazine TRYS TO SOUND LOGICAL...

  You're correct again. The JW religion is what I call a pseudo-scientific religion. This is designed to make JWs feel good. However, we can tactifully turn things around. For example, if the conversation is about the Noah's Flood, if the JW says that an archeologist found a piece of timber somewhere, we can briefly say something such as "interesting... the same science that says that, also says that there is no geological evidence of a global Flood. Humm, have you tried this coffee. It's absolutely delicious. Do you have that grocely list with you?"

  Master the art of changing subjects, and be delighted with its powerful effects. You can't believe the confused mental state a JW is thrown in when we're talking about religion/doctrines and you crack a joke or two, or tactifully start talking about the weather.

  Observador.
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  oompa

  well....actually i have been to two meetings now.....and i missed the entire last page here (thanks all)........and they sex is still the same i think?........see it was not REALLY about sex...i guess i was just hopin mo/betta......lol.................oompa