No motivation/depression/for those people still in.

by easyreader1970 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  easyreader1970

  This message is not necessarily intended for those people who are no longer in the Organization or who were never in it. It's primarily directed towards people who are still in but who don't want to be (likely for family reasons).

  I won't go into details (read my profile if you need more info), but the bottom line is that I'm still associated with the WBTS because I enjoy waking up to my children every morning. By extension, I guess I am happy waking up to the wife, too, but deep down I know she loves the WBTS far more than she loves me ...So since I prefer to see them every day as opposed to every other weekend and not being demonized, this is why I am still here.

  To the point.

  I really want to know how some of you cope who are still inside, on a long term basis. I feel as though they have sucked the life out of me, both physically and figuratively. I don't have the motivation to do anything, whether it's related to the Society or not. The house needs painting, don't feel like doing it. The back yard needs alot of work--can't get motivated to do it. Mostly I just work and pay bills and spend an inordinate amout of time on the computer late at night because it's the only time I have to myself. Sometimes I play games, sometimes I watch movies, sometimes I visit forums, watch youtube, etc.I don't think I am enjoying it. It's just something to do. It feels sord of like "yard time" in prison, except there's nobody trying to shank me.

  What have any of you done to somehow put the Society in the back of your mind and do other things? I don't mean hobbies or anything. I don't have time for anything like a hobby anyway.

  er
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  BabaYaga

  EasyReader said: It feels sord of like "yard time" in prison, except there's nobody trying to shank me.

  But you are shanked. You are shanked by the society and its dogma, for reasons you have chosen... to maintain a relationship with your family.

  Easy, you have been having a difficult time of it lately... have you considered a counselor? A lot of employers offer Employee Assistance Programs for mental health, and some of the practicioners are very good.

  Love,
  Baba.
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  easyreader1970

  No, I never bothered with that because they'd have no point of reference. They'd say get out immediately.
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  leavingwt

  They'd say get out immediately.

  You'd be surprised.
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  Mickey mouse

  I am in a similar situation. At first it really got me down, especially before I spoke to my husband about how I felt.

  It was a really rough time for us when I told him about all the things I had learned about the organization. Little by little he is seeing the undeniable facts.

  Are you on anti-depressants? I have found them to be of great help. I think the whole experience of awakening and then dealing with the emotional fallout affecting our marriage really flattened me. Counselling also helped. Get help. If you feel you are at least taking positive steps, you won't feel so helpless and trapped.
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  BabaYaga

  EasyReader said: They'd say get out immediately.

  Quite frankly, that is JW talk, EasyReader. That is the excuse JW's always use for not going to a counselor.

  Leaving is right... you may be surprised indeed. It is not the job of a counselor to TELL you what to do. They are not parents... they are there to counsel you to do what is right for your life.

  And, I agree with MickeyMouse... antidepressants DO help, and they are just to get you over the rough spots! They are temporary! Don't be afraid of them. What you are describing is that your melancholia is effecting your everyday life and activities. That is clinical depression, my friend.

  We are here for you, but we can't supply seratonin to your system.
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  Mickey mouse

  You'd be surprised.

  Yeah he would. My counselor was very understanding and has developed an interest in the area of cult psycology. She has my copy of Steve Hassan's book on loan.

  Just do it easyreader. No man is an island.
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  asilentone

  I hope that I am not a bad boy, you said that you GUESS that you are happy with your wife? my suggestion is that you look for someone else IF you are not 100 percent happy with your wife, just think about it. I feel for you. If that happens, you would be out of that damn cult. It seems like there is no simple solution for you, maybe you would have to make very hard choices, just think it throughly. Take care!
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  Doubting Bro

  easyreader1970,

  I've gone through spells like that. I'm in a similar situation to you, although you wife seems more zealous for the WTS than mine does.

  You ask what some do to cope. I try to compartmentalize the WTS to the two times a week we go to the hall. I've gone in service, but won't speak at the door or if I do, just read a scripture and leave. It really sounds like you're suffering from clinical depression issues which may go beyond the WTS. Maybe seeing someone could help? Do you have anyone in real life that you can talk to?

  Throw yourself into doing things with your kids. I find they can really help you focus on what's important. Pick one thing to do even though your not motivated. Push yourself to do it. Once its been accomplished, you may find that you'll be motivated to try the next thing.

  Don't let the WTS suck the life out of you. I look at it as a battle for sanity. Don't let them win.

  I'll also give you the WTS advice - More Study, prayer, meetings and service!!! LOL
• 

  troubled mind

  You are trapped only by your own thinking ....

  I do understand where you are coming from at one time I felt much the same way as you do now . At that time all I could see was doom and gloom for my future . I was no longer happy being a witness and was tired of being so unhappy ,but I felt I was trapped in that existance because my whole family was witnesses. I had been raised in it my whole life . The scenarios I played out in my mind were much worse than what actually happened when I finally stood my ground and told my husband that I quit .

  Talk to a counselor . Talking it out with someone objective will help . Don't continue in this mind game of thinking you know exactly how things will play out .

  I am sure your wife is no dummy . She notices how insincere your service has become .

  Be proactive in your own life for goodness sakes . If you love her then start really making an effort to show her more , but then continue doing things you want like missing more meetings . Make saturday time for family to work together and fix up the yard/home together . Use the time to teach your kids how to work at something useful . Cook her and the kids breakfast Sunday morning and suggest spending the day going somewhere the kids might enjoy . If she really refuses to miss the meeting just plan on doing something when she gets home . Make it desirable to be a family outside witness world .