So wonderful to finally be able to communicate with you all. Like Lurk3r mentioned, I feel like I have known you all for so long. First, off I would like to say to Leolaia you are my idol, and I would love to just sit with you and pick your brain about a variety of topics. Blondie and Mary I stay tuned every week for your comments on the Watchtower, if fact that's the only way I "do" my Watchtower now, LOL! Mary I was able to contact someone on JW Recovery for your project, which I love. Thank you very much for that. Oompa you never fail to make me laugh, with all that you are going through you have an excellent sense of humor and I can appreciate what an open individual you are. V I am always stunned by your stellar video productions. I also want to thank all the EX-JWs that are still Christian, while I am very much open to all beliefs, it has helped to hear the insights of those who have come to Christ as it has helped me in my own personal journey. Thanks everyone for sharing all your many stories and insights. They have helped me as I struggle to get out of the org.
I can't figure out how to do my bio, or maybe I can't yet, so here is a little about me. I am 22 years old and am a senior in college, reside in the US, was baptized at the age of 12, it will have been 10 years this summer. My father is an Elder and I still live at home. Obviously, my family situation is very delicate right now. Last summer I began questioning, which quickly turned into doubting, with transformed into full on challenging. I believed for almost 22 years everything about the " truth" so I asked my parents sincere questions. That was, I feel, a mistake I made looking in hindsight, however I don't know if I am the type of person that can just sit on some of the stuff that I learned. What caused all of this? It was the most subtle thing that triggered it. I was sitting in the book study while we were going over the Revelation book and I noticed that in Revelation 22: 6 it says that Jehovah sent his angel while in verse 16 is says that" I, Jesus sent my angel". Who sent the angel?! I laughed and recalled hearing something about the society restoring God's name where it was taken out. I thought that maybe they had just made a mistake here so I did research first on the WT library then outside and to my shock found that not only did they add the name Jehovah 237 time but there was absolutely NO textual support for doing so in the greek or any of the other manuscripts. I started doing additional research and found how they have tried so hard to downplay the significance and deity of Jesus and I just felt that it was pathetic. I couldn't stomach it any more! There have been so many other things that I have discovered since then, and, if I could, I would just wash my hands of the whole thing right now.
My parents and I have had many debates that have turned nasty. I have gotten to the point where they have asked me questions, and I have told them that being honest has gotten me no where and in an effort to try to keep the peace I rather not answer. Just visited my brother and his family a couple of weeks ago. My brother is an interesting topic, but I will just say that he was a pioneer and MS, in his late teens and very early 20's, but became what I would call a renegade witness when he was around my age. Now he is in his late 20's with a family and he is very SERIOUS about what he feels to be the truth. I struggled with whether to tell him or not while I was there but decided that I could not risk losing my 2-year-old nephew, who is my Heart. However, weirdly enough my brother called my dad last week and asked if I was doing ok. Apparently I gave off the impression that I didn't want to be at the meeting the last time I was there. I guess I wasn't paying more than the usual attention and I did not participate. I tried to be so respectful while I was there though, never complained about going or being at the meetings, but I guess I was just playing with my nephew too much and my Bro could see that I wasn't taking it seriously. Admittedly, I do have problems singing the songs now but I didn't know they were looking at me, yikes!! Anyway, my brother and I talked after he spoke with my Dad and he has said that he 'doesn't know if he can be in the same house with me' and that even though I may not be one of those "crazy apostates" he can't have any type of threat whether it is "silent or aggressive" around his son. No matter how much I told him that I respected his beliefs and his right to raise his son as he sees fit, it didn't really make a difference. He and his wife are contemplating what they will do, I do not know what their ultimate decision will be, but it is not looking good. As much as it will hurt to lose my parents and my brother, it will just about kill me to lose my nephew. I couldn't love him more if he was my own child and, even though he is still very young we are so close to each other. On the last night of my visit I tucked him in and closed the door. As I was putting away his toys, he called out for me. I opened the door and he was sitting there all sad and pitiful like, and said " I love you Auntie". I just about died right then. It was bad enough that that was the last night of my visit. But it was so much worst being aware of the possibility that this may be the last time I ever see him. I can't let that happen!!! On the other hand we are supposed to be able to give up everything for Christ's sake. So needless to say I am very conflicted at this point.
Sorry this post is so long, but I have had so much to say for soooo long! Thanks for reading. Take care everyone!
JWT