by jambon1 18 Replies latest jw friends
If you have a mental illness it will make it worse.
If you don't have one, you might get one.
If you weren't angry, distrusting and of the belief that everyone who isn't a JW is out to get you, you will be after a few months of In Home Book Study.
And Saturday Morning Field Service? Who honestly enjoyed that?
It affected the way I socialise with and handle myself around people, it also put a strain on my communication skills.
afrcan GB Member
I'll let Purple Sofa answer that question as it relates to Skeeter
I echo many of the thought here. **sigh**
I questioned my natural abilities big time, always shoving any desire to explore such down for the sake of the life giving good news we had to get out.
You don't realize how negative you really look at things until you are away from the constant barrage negative reinforcement. I remember the happiness I felt when I left, even when I was losing almost everybody and everything. When I could just look at people and things and accept them for what they were...not having to pass some ominous judgement on everything and everybody. What a relief that was.
There are traits I still struggle with, like doing anything good for myself, it's still a fight. GD f****g religion.
Can relate to virtually everything written here.
I once stood in my kitchen and stared at the wall for the longest time. I couldn't believe the person I'd turned into after 21 years a Witness. I was this uncompromising, depressed, hard-hearted bitch who saw the world in black and white/good and evil terms. For the first time ever I allowed myself an inward look and hated what I saw. This wasn't the person I imagined myself being 21 years ago, and I HATED her. I really did.
There was no deluding myself, I KNEW it was the religion that had changed me for the worst. It was the constant rule-keeping and congregation peer pressure that had made me who I was. It was the pressure to be seen to be doing the "right" thing, to prove that my family were "spiritual" and worthy of being "good association".
It was the never-ending cycle of guilt when I couldn't measure up and when I couldn't make the children measure up either.
Not even 30 paracetamol downed in one go could numb the pain of realising that I'd not only "failed" as a christian, but as a parent and a decent human being too.
And I'd tried SO hard to be a good Witness, I really really did.
Now I've come to my senses and learned to love those around me unconditionally. But having seen both sides of this fence, I can honestly say that Jehovahs Witnesses are truly the most evil and insidious of organizations. Its their benevolent face of meekness and gentleness that is the most dangerous of fronts.
Jehovah's "happy" people? Only on the surface. Scratch below that surface and they're probably one of the unhappiest group of people on the planet. Most just haven't figured out why yet.
It messed my mind up like yours. Only I was raised in it.
When I was young it made me a slacker because education was bad
and too much work was bad.
Meetings and magazine sales were good.
Now it has made me an angry old man.
Because i didnt get an education or career and everything cost lots of money
which I dont have.
So the depression and hopelessness continues.
Making life a constant struggle with not much to look forward to.
Except how to survive the next witness induced disaster or calamity caused
by not having an education or a decent job that allows one to pay the bills and
maintain their health and dental care.
I hate those JW's.
I was a pioneer for four years. I specifically remember how terribly boring it was to spend 90 hours a month (the requirement at that time) knocking on doors where 90% of the time no one was home, 9% of the time anyone who was home wished you hadn't come, and the 1% or less of people who were willing to talk to you were either lonely or trying to convert you to their religion.
It was the incredible boredom that I remember most from that time. Studying WT publications and going to meetings was a continual rehash of the same old BS, and involved little or no real spirituality. The WT treadmill kept you plenty busy, but not with anything that provided real meaning or value. And it was a total waste of any brain cells one might have had.
Big Tex: " Guilt and shame -- the gifts that keep on giving. "
Those feelings are about the only ones the WTS allows. They work on the rest of your mind until you're braindead.
Waking up, if you're lucky enough, is exceedingly painful, emotionally. Like many other posters, I was close to suicide and had to be hospitalized for 6 weeks.
The good news is not the dub's message of a "new world," but that you'll eventually heal from most of the damage they inflict.
Jambon.....dang i hate these..........but........((((((((((((((((Jambon)))))))))))))...........so sorry but i do agree...they flucked us up......and we can not forgive them....but we gotta let it go.......oomps
and i HAVENT and i NEED too.........
