Pieces Lost

SeekingSanity

How do I begin this... I feel like pouring my heart out about something that is bothering me. I'm getting older.

You know when we were young, we were given hope. Hope that there was a paradise coming, hope that you will end up happy and married with a beautiful wife that will love you affectionately. But it is this concept of marriage that is bothering me the most... this hope that There would be a wife that you will not have to even kiss to feel the love from her. You can be in one part of the universe and her on the other, and the very thought of her loving you would warm your soul, bounded by God. And the sisters in the congregation, or at least where I was, were honest, loyal, 'honorable' women.

An almost sure way of knowing she would never cheat on you.

Now, I can't have anything to do with that organization. The truth itself has revealed many things about that organization, that you can't even go back. Doing so would be commiting spiritual suicide. But how do you pick up the pieces and move on? Finding a level of loyality among women in the 'world' that would cheat on you and never even tell you? Where is the trust out there? Where is the trust here? After leaving that organization where does someoen go to find a potential spouse? Internet dating SUCKS! It's not even worth attempting. I can't go back to the organization for the things I know, and I can't go back to the world because of the position that it sits in. Where is the happiness now? Where do you turn to? A bar? thats not the place to find the type of women i'm looking for. Internet SUCKS. Approaching women out in the world is sufficating.

I'm sure many of you will say: 'there were many people that cheated in the organization' and so forth. 'there were many sisters that weren't loyal' But there was some form of ASSURED percentage ...than the percentage compared to the world.

Whenever I meet someone around my age for potental dating, I think: Are you going to be another that'll cheat on me? Lie? dishonestly speak? Tell me you're talking to your mom when I know it's someone else?

Does anyone else feel completely alone? Can't turn this way, or that way?

BabaYaga

You are not alone anymore, Seeking. We are glad you are here. It does get better... I promise you.

Love,
Baba.

undercover

First of all...Welcome.

Even though you're working to free yourself from the organization, you still have a JW world view. You see the "world" as evil. You've been indoctrinated to think this way. You won't break out of it overnight.

But think about this...you said you can't have anything to do with that organization. You've seen through their lies and deceit. If you realize that they lied to you about spiritual matters, isn't it entirely possible that they lied to you about other things as well? Such as what the real world is like?

There are some bad people in the world. But maybe there are good people too. You're right, we are going to tell you that so-called devout JWs cheated and lied and stole. But there are good-hearted JWs as well.

The same is true in the real world. There's good and bad.

You will have to learn to live in the real world now that you've left the delusional one. It's not an easy thing. Many of us have been out for some time and still struggle with social ineptness. But it gets better and after awhile you realize that the world isn't such an evil place after all.

You will find some kind and wise words here. Wiser and more elequent than mine for sure.

Good luck on your journey to freedom...

leavingwt

Welcome!

Good luck!

purplesofa

Welcome to the Board,

I hope you spend some time here and read the threads, maybe get to know some people here.

Possibly as time goes by and you trust your thoughts and feelings, learn who you are and where you are going,

you will find like minded people that you grow to trust.

Until that time, there will no doubt be hills and valleys in your friendships and relationships,

Give yourself time to heal and maybe then try for a romantic encounter.

purps

SnakesInTheTower

welcome SS..

and yes, I have a hard time trusting also. I did not have sisters lined up at my door when I was in... that despite being told..."oh, you are an elder, pioneer, MTS grad now...the sisters will be swarming...." Not so much... unless you count the bipolar sister I almost married, the desperate sister who had just gotten out of the mental hospital, or the huge sister who was just wanting a man..any man.

Eighteen months away from the Organization, I found it has nothing to do with them being "worldly" versus "JW sisters." There are good women and devious women (and men) in both groups. However, because of my nearly lifelong experience (raised as a dub and as an adult..nearly 35 years), I have huge trust issues with people in general. It had a detrimental effect on dating.

I tried internet (eHarmony) dating.... met a few nice gals ..went on a few dates.....nothing worked out though. Met one nice gal that I remain friends with but do not think we are compatible as more than that. Those dates did help me to crack the JW mindset a bit, though I feel bad for the first two gals that were the poor guinea pigs......

and that so-called "assurance"? Look where that "guarantee" came from....the Governing Body? That's like a guarantee from Bernie Madoff on your investments....just sayi'...

I have met some nice people on this board...to think that many of us used to be your so-called JW "brother" or "sister" and now you will find them to be decent people without that JW qualifier...and I have met some crazies too..... JW-ism had nothing to do with it.

Snakes ()

ps...just seen that purps posted.....she is one of the decent people I have met from the board...

free2think

Welcome to the board.

VIII

Hi SS and welcome!

I am sorry you are lost and feeling so badly.

First, I hope you give yourself time to heal from your divorce. I am guessing that you are recently divorced. Healing from that takes time.

Leaving a mind-controlling organization which has told you, convinced you, that *Worldly* people are evil and cannot be trusted is a double whammy.

You will need to give yourself time to meet new people.

A great place to meet new people is through volunteering. Anywhere. The American Heart Association. Habitat for Humanity. A soup kitchen. You not only have time to not reflect on only your problems, you get to meet *Worldly* people who really are selfless and helping people as no JW would ever do. For free.

Lots of women, young old, pretty, not so pretty, widowed, divorced, single, etc., volunteer. They do it for the satisfaction of helping others. That says a lot for someone's character.

As for JW women being loyal, honest and "honorable", all I can say is that I would put my female JW relatives up as examples of all that is wrong with that Borg. They are dis-loyal, liars, hypocritical, mean, petty, etc. I pity the man who might marry any of them. Perhaps being told they need to be in "Subjection" has gone to their head and they are rebelling in the only way they know how.

Alpaca

SS,

Welcome indeed.

I can't do better than undercover with advice.

But, I will add there is a lot of beauty and genuine love in the world that is out there waiting to be discovered by newly exiting Dubs.

And, every year that I am out I am more convinced of this.

All the best man.

Alex

Leolaia

The JW congregation was maybe the worst place to find a compatible partner, at least for me. So many needless rules, controlled dating (chaperones? come on), and slim pickings. Even when I was a JW youth, I always "dated" outside the congregation. I use that word provisionally because it wasn't really dating per se; it was getting together and doing stuff (I never really when on a date until I was in my late twenties). It was about having friends of both sexes, doing activities and things together of common interest, and maybe eventually something might turn romantic. The best way to meet someone is to get involved in a group in your area that is focused on an activity you like (a photography group? a discussion group? a biking group? etc.), or finding friends to hang out with and then meet their friends, etc. BTW, I found my bf on the internet, but it wasn't on any internet dating site. It was simply in a forum about a common interest, and we found out we lived in the same town, and started doing stuff together. The main thing for me that I learned was that things worked out the best when I wasn't looking for a relationship, but was just looking to have a good time.

Pieces Lost

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