I was dfed for 3 years and could not get back in for the life of me. (long story one elder from my committee even held onto my letter and didnt give it to the other elders for 6 weeks) My current wife who I was dfed for back in the day (a few years ago) found out that I was text messaging and calling one of her friends (another sister in the hall) and she is very upset. Instead of handling it like a family she "eldered up" and I got pulled into the back room with 2 Elders. My wife printed out all the text message history (not the actual messages) and the elders questioned me over and over again asking if I was alone with this other sister and they told me how wrong I was. They asked me if I had sex with this girl. I told them she is just my friend and I realize i shouldn't have talked to her as much as I did or at all and that I stopped right away when my wife found out. (the girl is 23 and I am 28) I really get along well with this girl. I know its dangerous to keep female friends that you are not married to. My wife wanted me to get the actual txt messages which cannot be done without a court order. The elders encouraged me to get the court order to make my wife happy and so they could see the txt messages and we can clear all of this up(they said we will have to meet again). I told them I will call the phone company (I know that even i cannot get the txt messages) I also told them I will absolutely NOT petition a court for my own txt messages. They also questioned the girl up and down like she was on trial. I told them I want my marriage to work and that I only want my wife and I want to work out alot of the communication issues me and my wife have. They said that if my marriage fails, if my wife is not happy, no matter what happens, I am RESPONSIBLE and I am the head of the household and no matter what my wife does, it is MY fault if we have any problems. I felt they were bending the scriptures to fit their views. They also told the girl acusations made by my wife against me and .....I feel that this was a breach of eclesiastical confidentiality (the trust between church official and a member of the church, church officials should never tell a member the confidential information told to them by another member.... I could sue them) Stuff like this makes me regret coming back and getting reinstated. I also showed them the fact that my wife has a facebook page and she has 2 people on it that she had oral sex with before we were married and i asked them why it is ok for her to have that?
Questioned By The Elders. Lawsuit?
by Hangin_on 23 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
-
asilentone
well, it is a fucking cult!
-
Elsewhere
I'm confused... are you in the cult or not?
-
Elsewhere
I suspect you are in the cult....
No one can exercise authority over you unless you grant authority to them. By joining the cult you gave them such authority.
If you want to remain in the cult, then you MUST play by their rules. [period]
(So stop your crying)If you don't want them to have authority over you then you must leave the cult. (Man up and do it)
-
Hangin_on
I'm a member. Its a cult is not a valid response to my story. I can't just leave I have a kid that I love and I want him to be able to see his family members. I want to act unselfishly and do what is best for him. A cult is a religion directed by a person or leader, so can it be a cult?
They seem like they have the best intentions at times and my friends all seem like they have love between themselves.
I think I will do a fade... maybe eventually just stop coming??
-
choosing life
Wow! You and your wife are telling outsiders (elders) way too much that should remain between the two of you. Tell the elders that this is not a criminal case causing a need for phone records to be released.
If you and your wife love each other, you need to work it out between the two of you and not tell the elders intimate details about your relationship. Phone records, facebook with past oral sex partners? Way too much information.
Take responsibility for your own marriage and tell the elders to worry about theirs.
-
undercover
A cult is a religion directed by a person or leader, so can it be a cult?
That's the JW definition of cult. There are many ways to tell if you're in a 'high control' group or cult. The JWs meet many of the criteria. Do a little reseach on that.
But you're right...that's not that answer to your problem. Leaving the JWs aside, your problem is marital at this point. You've broken a trust, at least as far as your wife is concerned. You need to repair the damage with her, not the elders.
They seem like they have the best intentions at times and my friends all seem like they have love between themselves.
I went back read some of your previous posts and I noticed a trend of disgruntledness in how your reinstatement was coming along. You've had questions about procedures and how things don't make sense. Yet...you say they seem to have the best of intentions... look up the term "cognitive dissonance" and see if this applies to you.
As far as your friends having love...did these "friends" continue to be your friends when you were DFd...or did they follow the WT rules and shun you? Would a true friend shun you when you need help the most? Did Jesus ever shun anyone?
-
Hangin_on
I agree.... jesus wouldn't. i am now at a new Cong. and the people here (where I am now having elder issues) seem to be good people. but I see your point. No my old friends did not still help me out. They left me broke down in the cold with a prego wife in the kingdom hall parking lot.
I feel many people act out of fear of MEN and not fear of god
-
leavingwt
Recommended Reading: In Search of Christian Freedom