Questioned By The Elders. Lawsuit?

by Hangin_on 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Finally-Free

  They left me broke down in the cold with a prego wife in the kingdom hall parking lot.

  I think that says it all. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, if I had one. These people are not friends. They are associates, and their association is based on your believing what they tell you to believe. True friends won't drop you like a bag of shit whenever the going gets a little rough.

  Ask yourself if you want to raise your kids in an environment where they risk having all love and affection withdrawn should they ever make a mistake - as we all do at one time or another.

  W
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  Hangin_on

  I have thought of that, but family is so important to me!
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  asilentone

  hanging_on, I understand your family is important to you, my JW family is also important to me. I am a fader, I cannot afford to be da'd or df'd. I just go to the Memorials to keep my family 'happy'. Sometimes it is good to see some people there. I can relate.
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  cameo-d

  I know its dangerous to keep female friends that you are not married to.

  This is simply not true. NORMAL people have friends of both sexes.

  Does WT make you think that all worldies sleep with all their friends?

  I think this is simply another isolation tactic. There is nothing wrong with having friends of opposite sex. There is no more danger in that than having friends of same sex. If you were talking to a guy friend would they be accusing you of being homosexual?

  Why do they insist on turing every relationship or friendship into something sexual?

  You need to grow a spine and tell them that your personal life is your personal life. Tell them they have no right to monitor your phone calls or to tell you who you can talk to or not.

  They are a bunch of perverts. I think they get off on trying to make some juicy sex story out of thin air. They must all be sexually repressed paranoids.

  You are a wimp to let your wife go over your head and be a tattle tale every time she doesn't like something you do. Who needs a wife that puts you on the chopping block? Where is the unity of marriage in all this? If she wants to be married to the borg, tell her to go live with the elders.

  This is like 2 year old kids saying "If you don't do such and such, I'm gonna go tell mama."

  If you allow them the authority to control your life now (request phone records! What a power play!) IT WILL NEVER END.

  From now on everything you don't do what your wife wants...it will be a matter for the elders. You will find yourself humping to their every dictate.

  Grow up and tell them to f***off.

  In the meantime, I suggest counseling for you and your wife if you want to salvage the relationship. You are going to need to start this marriage on new ground and YOUR terms not WT.

  Otherwise, just get used to groveling and eating dirt. And get used to the fact you are going to be p*ssy whipped because you are allowing it.
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  Quandry

  How about this- Why not work on having a good relationship with your wife, building trust. That way, your child will be secure with the love of mom and dad. I would be upset if I found my husband texting another woman. A wife also should be centered on her family, and not keeping up with old relationships. Maybe a family vacation would be in order-without electronic equipment!!!

  None of this needs to be done with the help of elders. Fade or not, if you love your family (that is, your wife and child), it takes work to keep it.
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  Hittman

  A cult is a religion directed by a person or leader, so can it be a cult?*
  
  A cult is an organization, usually (but not always) religious that has an inordinate amount of control over its members. The JWs are a cult.
  
  
  They left me broke down in the cold with a prego wife in the kingdom hall parking lot.

  This is Christian love? Is this the way Jehovah wants people to act? This tells you everything you need to know about them. Don't ignore the lesson.
  
  I have thought of that, but family is so important to me!
  
  This is how they're keeping you in control. Freedom is expensive. As a JW, the price is often your family. In your position I'd be concerned with my immediate family (wife and kid) and try not to be concerned with anyone else. It's not easy, but it can be done.
  
  It's not clear from your message if you've been reinstated or if you're still DFed. If you're still DFed, simply refuse to have anything to do with the elders. They are nothing more than power hungry busybodies. Stay away from them.
  
  Your real concern should be with your wife. Make her happy, but let her know you're interested in her, not the controlling old farts.
  
  And Google "Jehovah's Witnesses" and visit every site on the first three pages.
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  Hangin_on

  I want my wife to be happy.... its easy for you to say all of this... and I see some of your points..... but you are not fully engulfed in the Glitterati like I am. And I have many Family Ties in the Glitterati!
• 

  Homerovah the Almighty

  Well it sounds to me that you brought this whole situation on to yourself, what kind of action did you expect when your wife found out

  that you have been secretly text messaging another woman who is not your wife. What kind of response do you think what would

  happen if you weren't JWS ? The elders in the JW world play the role of Sheriffs of the County and your wife went to them because your

  behavior with this other woman to her was deemed inappropriate, which from the outside appearances was correct.

  Obviously your wife doesn't think your communication with this other woman is just friendly and platonic, otherwise she wouldn't

  have gone to the elders to discus the situation over with them.

  Sounds to me you got caught with your pants down and now you don't know which way to turn.

  Why wouldn't you retrieve the messages if there is nothing damaging in them, just to show your wife that your not flirting and

  carrying on with someone else ?

  Anyways I'm not too sure why you've come here, the most notable anti-JW site around to discuss this personal matter with absolute total

  strangers, personally you come off like your mentally off your rocker.
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  Mrs. Fiorini

  It sounds to me like your wife is using the elders as a substitute for marriage counseling. You might try explaining to her that this cannot work because they are not trained in that area and are limited in their functioning to matters of judicial concern and religious loyalty. A good marriage counselor may help clear things up in your marriage and eliminate the need to involve the elders.

  I agree that the elders were out of line sharing your personal info with others. You could bring that up with them, but I don't know if it would help or hurt your situation.

  Your desire to stay connected to your family is totally understandable. Many here, including me, have lost members of our families because we left the WT. Maybe a fade would work for you. It is usually more desirable than DAing or getting DFd if you want to maintain contact with JW family. There are some on this board who continue to associate with the WT while knowing that they are not "the truth." They do this for various reasons, including to keep their family intact. This may work for you, or not. Only you can decide what's best for you.

  As far as cults are concerned, the WT defines a cult as a group that follows a human leader. This is a very self-serving definition on their part. It also does not address the fact that they started as a group that followed Charles T Russell. Others would define a cult as an organization that uses manipulative practices to attract and maintain membership, and employs certain techniques that limit and control their members' thinking ability. By this definition, the WT is a cult. You can explore this possibility further by reading books on cults written by mental health experts, such as Steven Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control."

  Best wishes to you and your wife.
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  flipper

  HANGIN ON- If I were in your situation I think I'd be more concerned about your wife accusing you of things regarding your marriage. I wouldn't bother with worrying about a lawsuit towards the WT society- I'd be worrying about the lawsuit of a possible divorce if your wife starts getting " serious " about her accusations. I'd work my marriage out with wifey first- screw the mind control cult Jehovah's Witnesses . They don't have your best interests at heart. Your wife does more so