Building new friendships

troubled mind

On the thread about 'moving on after leaving the witnesses', it brought to mind how hard it is to build new friendships .

For me I have been out for a little over three years . I knew before I quit that it would be important to fill the void that would be left when old "friends" began dropping us . Lucky for me I worked with some very fun out going people at my job . I made it a point to let them know how I was changing my life ,and they were very helpful in showing me the ropes of life on the outside .lol

My husband has gotten more involved with his hobbies : refereeing High School football and shooting tournament Archery . This has given him the chance to meet new people and feel he still belongs to something .

I would be interested to know how others have made friends .

I also was wondering if anyone would be interested in building friendships through facebook or myspace ?

It would be nice to be able to share our lives outside of past JW experiences ,but rather share the here and now aspect of our lives .

Bubblie

As I have said before I have joined up with local Meet ups.com online. I belong to a Dining out group that does all kinds of fun things. I joined a green movement group that has environmental things as well as hikes. Sierra Club and a polical group that helped me get involved with the local elections as well as the Presidential. You can meet lots of people at these events. Even, my divorce support group is good now everyone wants to come to my meet ups. We are going to a movie & lunch this Sunday, sure beats going to meeting then in field circus.

Kit

no more kool aid

Well, now when the neighbors ask us over for a cook out, we go instead of looking for an excuse. My kids are playing sports and going to parties and sleep overs. I have friends from work that I have held at arms length for many years, now I embrace them.

CandleSurgeon

I left about three years ago as well. At the time I did not know what to expect of "worldly" people, my parents had always taught me that any worldly person was just pretending to be my friend and would use me and eventually stab me in the back. This of course created some trepidation with trusting people when I left the JW's at 22. I worked at a nursing home and I slowly began to develop friendships at work, my first real friend was named Carl. By the time I moved from NC to MA we had become like family.

In MA it took me some time to open up and make friends, part of me felt I would be socially retarded forever. I didn't seem to connect with people after a certain point. Slowly but surely I have been developing more and more friendships, I now rarely spend a Friday night alone, the past St. Patties I went out with some friends I met through people I knew at work and we had an absolute blast.

The only thing I can say is friendships can't be rushed, when you leave the JW's it is devastating because every friend you ever had all of the sudden will not even acknowledge that you exist. It was lonely at first, but in time and with patience I have been developing new friendships with people. The two major advantages of my current friendships are:

1.) I get to pick my friends based on who I enjoy spending time with. I don't HAVE to be someone’s friend just because they are my "spiritual brother/sister"

2.) My current friends will not abandon me because I make a major life change. If I decide tomorrow I want to be Buddhist my friends will accept that, they do not try to control my individuality.

It may take time, but the friendships I have developed over the last three years are far better than any friendships I had with JW's. Those were conditional friendships based on lies and guilt.

CandleS

purplesofa

nice post Candle Surgeon

TroubledMind,

I am purpledoodles at MySpace.

add me plz.

purps

Purza

I have found friendships with people at work. Yes, it can be scary to initiate contact, but it is worth it and as mentioned by Candle above, friendships cannot be rushed - they need to be cultivated. I would also say that in order to have friends, you have to be a friend too -- not a flake. I really haven't made a lot of friends online, except for one or two that I have made through this board and going to apostafests.

Purza

zagor

Great to hear that, when I left I was a member of local Wing Chun club and also attended regular lectures where I met lots of people with similar interests. In time that developed further into many other fields and things I was interested in, so there was never a short supply of people. In time you learn to see deeper and beyond what is on surface. I guess just be open and ready to learn and not only look for those who fit certain 'spec'. Beauty of humanity is richness of it's diversity. I guess this following quote says it all.

"Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart, cause one day you might wake up and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones"

Basically, means washing out any prejudices particularly those programmed by the cult. It takes time. Doesnt happen over night but it does happen. For me personally there was a final frontier and that was coming back full circle and learning to trust individual dubs or people who were exposed to that kind of thinking, and I admit it freely. So yes, it just takes time.

ninja

my mrs is as busy as ever with her JW social life....i.e....tomorrow....her and the kids are going to an engagement party JW style.......I am not invited.........I am completely in limbo.....if I move on the gaps get wider....and I worry my kids suffer.....I don't want to go two opposite directions......I am trying desperately to hold it together............for flucks sake...where's the beer?..............

SnakesInTheTower

It is taking me time as well. I am slowly getting involved on campus with a couple of clubs...just as I am getting ready to leave... I wish I had started back in 2004 with them. I am an officer in one club (an environmental "green" club). I am working hard to keep the little group together and recruit for next semester when I will likely no longer be an active student, but a mere alumni.

I dont do much outside of work and school... still a social retard (as CS said)...and I understand that. I have always had issues with trusting people even while a dub...it is hard for me to build new friendships.

troubled mind... I am on facebook...but under my real name. I have one good friend that was never a dub who I also talk to offline...and the rest a bunch of us "apostates."

Snakes ()

lonestar63

I started making other friends years ago, during the beginning of my fade.

It was amazing how i viewed "worldly" people when i was in. I learned later when the blinders were off, who the genuine people were.

I agree with you troubled mind. Looking back at that time of my life is discouraging to say the least.

What type of tournament archery does your husband shoot? IBO? Field? ASA?

I shoot ASA tournament archery. We may have been at the same shoots.

Building new friendships

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