by Phee 25 Replies latest jw friends
Hiya...
I've been lurking here for over a year...(on the old forum and then this one)...I also post on several other forums...
Got a long story, but I won't go into that right now.
Some of you know me from the other sites, just figured this was a natural progression into apostahood to register here.
See ya'll 'round!
-Phee
Welcome Phee!
post your story when you are ready,long or not ,we are interested!
Good to have you with us!
Love
Wobble
Hello and welcome, Phee! *Baba waves back*
Hello and welcome, Phee! Mouthy Waves also
Welcome, you give me hope!
hiya phee
Hey Phee.
Ok, I finished my house work ~whew~....1 week being sick with strep throat and working made my house really messy! lol
Ok....sooo...my story...I gotta go find it and copy and paste it, cuz I ain't typing it all out again!....Ok, found it! Happy reading!
I guess I will just start from the beginning...*takes deep breath*....
When I was around 9 or so, a young Brother moved in with his Aunt and her Husband, they attended our congregation. The Husband was one of the Elders in the hall and his Wife (the aunt) was a pioneer. The We'll call the Aunt 'Susan', her Husband 'Drew' and their Nephew 'Jackhole'...because I find that fits him better than a real name (I just added that to my spellchecker lol).....*ahem*...
Anyways...
Susan's Sister was having a hard time 'controlling' Jackhole, so being the good lil' JW's that they are, Susan and Drew thought they could straighten him up and took him in. Jackhole started coming around and found his faith and started being a wonderful little addition to our tiny congregation....became an Unbaptized publisher, got baptized...started full time ministry...running the mics at the hall....good lil' up and comer. When he turned 17, Drew came home to find Susan completely disheveled and out of it...(the story I heard was that she got really high and passed out) When she finally came to, after Drew threw her in the bathtub full of cold water and slapped her in the face (this was totally out of character for Drew, otherwise he is a completely gentle and docile human) Susan told Drew that Jackhole had 'done things' to her and drugged her. Well, Drew threw him out of the house and called the other Elders to get together and have a meeting.
Well, it came out that Susan was on anti-depressants and Jackhole told the Elders that she had 'taken a handful and passed out'. It was her word against his. She begged and pleaded with the Elders and told them that she would never have done that and it was a lie. She went and got a rape kit done...there was tearing but no fluids. So Jackhole said that SHE raped HIM while she was in her drunken stupor. Again, his word against hers. She was completely crushed, she was labeled and already depressed...she was mad at Drew for not continuing to stick up for her to the other Elder's and he wouldn't fight for her. "Policy is policy" I remember him saying once to my father, they were good friends. Drew ended up agreeing with the Elder's that she got high off her meds and probably did do something to Jackhole. She was DF'ed and she divorced Drew and left. That sealed the deal for Drew AND the entire congregation, Susan was definitely guilty of all the charges and Jackhole was accepted into the fold and even pitied by the Sister's. He was given special treatment by the Brother's and promoted to literature counter servant. (Please note: this part was relayed to me a few months back, I had no knowledge of it completely, only bits and pieces, it all made sense when I was told everything by a reliable source.)
Drew remarried shortly after to another sister in the hall and moved away.
So after Jackhole continued on in his service, he became a MS. He was well on his way to becoming an Elder, he was our congregations little shining star, young, good looking, extremely faithful, very helpful to the elderly Sister's, encouraging to the younger crowd in the KH....a good catch for any young Sister, most of the single ladies his age in our circuit fawned over him. *barf*...A young woman moved to our congregation (she could have been a football player....a freakin' giant! From the pick of ladies he had,....ouch! I digress) They fell in love and got married....awww. We'll call the young woman 'Tiny'....well, that makes me smile anyways.
So Jackhole and Tiny decided to become regular Pioneers...yep, they started a window washing business...(how cliche! Gawd!) ...
They were good little Pioneer's...they gave parts at the assemblies, went to Pioneer school together, they actually stayed at my parents' house while they attended, it was closer to us and well, on their budget, anything that would save them a few bucks. That's partly how they became close to our family. On the side Jackhole would do odd jobs for my Dad's company and they were able to have extra cash. They became really close to our family.
Ok, so back to me....during all of this...I was growing into my pre-teen years...I was baptized at 12 (I wouldn't have done it knowing what I know now) I started aux pioneering in our congregation for a few years. I wanted to become a reg. pioneer when I was 13, nearly 14. The Elder's and my parent's decided that it may be a good idea to hang out with Jackhole and Tiny to 'see' what reg. pioneering was like. I was sooooo excited, I mean, they were already close to our family, so my parent's trusted them. I was being homeschooled, so I wouldn't miss any school work. Plus, even though my Dad had his own business, we did live in a tiny community, there wasn't a lot of work, so my parent's couldn't afford for me to pioneer, so being with them, I could!
With my dads company, he was frequently asked to go out of town to do big jobs, sometimes we would be gone for a few months at a time. I couldn't pioneer if I wasn't there, so my parent's thought it would be really nice if I stayed with Jackhole and Tiny for a few months while they were out of town so I could get the whole pioneer experience. When I went and stayed with them, it was fall, I just turned 14. Tiny and Jackhole were studying with a girl my age anyways, she was close to baptism, so I could 'encourage' her while I was there too!! What a wonderful opportunity for a young pioneer wanna be...I could actually help bring someone into the truth!! I wanted nothing more than to please my Family, please the congregation....and above all of that, please Jehovah too! I loved the ministry and everything that went with it, I wanted to be a missionary someday! I met a few and I thought it was fascinating and what a display of loyalty to God than to put your life at risk to serve in other countries.
This is where it all REALLY started. Within a few short months...Jackhole was telling me things...saying 'nice' things to me. Telling me how beautiful I was. What 14 year old ugly duckling doesn't LOVE to hear that?!?! I lapped it up, I trusted him. He started telling me he loved me...I was uncomfortable...but hey, I was pioneering! After field service some afternoons, we would all take a nap in their bed, Jackhole would have his arm stretched across Tiny and would touch me. One night after Tiny fell asleep, he came out to the couch where I was sleeping and started the touching. That was the first time he raped me. The more I stayed there...he would tell Tiny that he was too sick to go to work with her, and while she was gone....it would happen again and again....I would wake up 'out of it'.. I thought I was losing my mind!!! (sound familiar from the first part of this story?) Jackhole told me my parents were mistreating me, he would rescue me from them, we would run away and pioneer together in Oregon! With in 6 months....things were OUT OF CONTROL! I hated my parents, I'm pretty sure I was addicted to whatever drug he had me on AND I was completely depressed! You know what really sickens me....because I was so naive and had no real understanding of life.. I thought, this is what it must be like to really serve Jehovah, I'm giving up my virtue and everything to pioneer! It's the only thing that kept me going.
After a while, Tiny became aware of it, she was hurt at first....or so it seemed, but wouldn't you know it, she just let it happen, while she was home!
To this day, I just wonder what she was really thinking. I speculate that she had low self esteem? Maybe didn't think she could get someone better? He was an upstanding wonderful brother in the congregation after all! Either way, I put blame on her for not protecting a young impressionable youth and sticking up for her slime-ball Husband.
I dunno what happened, but one day....I just snapped out of it. I saw it all....I understood what was happening to me, and I quit pioneering, cold turkey. I told them that I never EVER wanted to see them again. I tried committing suicide several times....couldn't do it. *what a wimp* I begged Jehovah to kill me.
I didn't tell anyone for a while. Then one day my friend came over to my house, you know, the one I helped in to the truth that studied with Jackhole and Tiny...We'll call her Sweetie. She was baptized by then and she was my best friend. We started talking about them....she wanted to know why I wouldn't go over there anymore and wouldn't talk to them anymore. I was soooo scared to tell her. (amazingly, the Elder's didn't ask and neither did my parents, except I just told them that pioneering wasn't for me, and that's it, nothing further, I just realized that!) But she seemed to be asking me in a way that I knew she wasn't just wondering, she was looking for information. So I told her a few little things....and she had a look on her face that told me she KNEW! So I started telling her bigger things. Then she started crying and told me it was happening to her too! She told me her story, it was nearly identical to my story. We decided that we needed to tell someone. Out of embarrassment, I couldn't tell my parents, and the same for her. we decided to tell the PO at our congregation, he was a very loving and gentle person and was kind of a "Dad" to all the teenagers there. So we told him....he asked if we had told our parents, we told him we hadn't, he said he would help us tell our parents. He came over to my house and we told my Dad. HOLY COW....I thought he was gonna KILL someone! Jackhole called me that night....urging me to come over...I told him that I told the Elder's...he hung up on me. *surprise*
A few weeks later, we attended a 'fact finding' meeting with the Elder's, me and Sweetie and our parents. When I went in there, I could tell that the other 2 Elder's there didn't believe it. They were smart to me, asking questions in an accusing type tone. We went back out into the auditorium and they called Jackhole in, after a few minutes, we heard laughing and the conversation sounded light hearted...I remember my Dad wanting to go in there and beat their brains in. Tiny was there too, she was in the auditorium with us while they were in the backroom, she turned the sound system on and was listening to kingdom melodies with headphones on while she read her bible *BARF*
After the fact finding meeting, Jackhole and Tiny left...the Elders said that they would need us to come back for the JC meeting a few days from then. When we went back, they asked more questions...then Jackhole went in there, he had a STACK of books, presumably to defend his actions? I don't know. The conversation sounded much different this time. Jackhole came out crying....I thought "VICTORY!!!!" *WOOT*.....pppsshhhaaaa! Tiny and Jackhole left the KH and the Elder's came out of the backroom to talk to our families. They told us that there wasn't enough evidence to DF him, but because an accusation had been made by two witnesses, they were going to privately reprove him and strip him of all his titles. A report would be made and follow him to which ever congregation he attended in the future (I think that was supposed to make us feel better). Sweetie's Mom wasn't a witness....so she told the Elder's that she was going to go to the authorities with it. Two Elder's immediately rushed her into the back room...where they actually eventually talked her out of it... And the other Elder that was left standing with us told my Dad "Don't even think about going to the authorities, the society hired Jackhole a lawyer and you would never win anyways." Then the elder looked at me and said "Oh, one thing I need to tell you, if you and Sweetie tell anyone about this, inside or outside of the KH, and that includes talking about it among yourselves, and we find out about it, you can and will be DF'ed without a JC meeting." Ooooooo my dad was steamed! And so was I!
Elder 1 and Elder 2 left, Sweetie and her Mom left. It was just me and my Dad and the PO. My Dad asked the PO what happened and why wasn't Jackhole DF'ed? The PO looked at me and then said to my Dad, "It was a 2/3's vote, and I was outvoted." Nothing ever happened to Tiny...don't know why .....Soooooo. There you have it.
Later I found out from a close friend of mine that one of the Elders' Wives said that we "Made it up to get Jackhole in trouble" And I have no doubt today that that's what they put on my "record". I am a marked person, being shunned by everyone for being a liar, and he was accepted back into the fold and pitied by everyone again, because he's such an upstanding individual. No one believed us except our parents and the PO. For the next year I was "sick" a lot and didn't attend meetings. I cramed the last few years of school in to one year and graduated. I got a car that I traded for babysitting services and found a job and moved. My Dad understood and was supportive, my Mother blames me for "putting yourself in that situation". She's a good person, just seriously delusional about her choice of religion. My Mother's friends that I grew up around tell me things all the time like "You need to get over it and come back to the meetings" or "If you repent for what you did to him, we'll accept you back with open arms"....crap like that. I want to spit on them. It makes me soooo mad! These people have known me my WHOLE life, since I was a BABY...and they think I'm a liar too! My friend "Sweetie" ended up moving away from there, but she's still 'in'. I try to talk to her once in a while. But she's convinced that she needs to 'wait on Jehovah'. ~sigh~
When I left I went directly into a life of promiscuity and did some drinking and smoking and drugs.....didn't last long. I got pregnant by my then BF, he didn't want a baby, but I couldn't just give her up. So I settled down, worked two jobs, got a place of my own, quit all the stupid crap and started my little family. I moved in with this guy that I later married, he emotionally and physically abused me. We got divorced 3 years ago. I have since remarried, my now Husband is SOOOOO Awesome. He's VERY good to me and my little girl (she's now 9 years old) He's helped me heal to the point where I have just started looking into the WT teachings, mainly because I wanted to know WHY this happened. I was hesitant for years to look at "Apostate sites" because....well face it, we were all conditioned that way at first. I was born in, 3rd generation witness. But when I finally NEEDED to know, I looked at them. I found all kinds of information.
10, actually 11 years now I've been out, And 11 years it took to finally start looking into faiths and trying to piece together the "truth", finding God and having real faith again, especially since that all left a bad taste in my mouth!
The stories I've found are stories that sound eerily like my own. I know I've left out stuff here, but that's pretty much 5 or 6 years summed up.
Thanks for reading, thanks for your time. I hope this helps others out there, whether here, or just lurking.
Ok there you have it.
-Phee
Welcome to the Real World Phee!
Welcome, Phee!
~Sue
