by happpyexjw 37 Replies latest jw friends
When the subject comes up with new friends they at first think I'm joking, then their jaw drops in disbelief....
After a bit of explaining people get to understand the situation. So I am not reluctant to tell people, it's just that it takes time to explain the whole story and I get bored telling the same story over and over.
My nondub husband and I moved away from our area a few years after I left. In the 25 years since we left, I've told two people about my dub past. It's an embarrassment to tell someone else that you once belonged to a cult that values brain death, even if you were sucked into it as a child.
BabyYaga:
I just read your reply to me. I don't come on this board everyday. It's just too much for me to get on everyday.
Whenever my husband would occasionally ask about JWs I would also tense up and tell him that " I don't want to talk about it". I sometimes would even cry a little silently. Obviously, it was huge emotional secret for me. I could never talk about it in a rational and healthy way either. Yes, I definitely was suffering from post traumatic stess syndrome. I think most people on this board are even if they don't realize it.
This forum has been great for me. I have ranted to my husband several times like I mentioned in my earlier post. I also told a very good friend of mine about my JW history. That was the first time in 37 years that I had ever told ANYONE besides my husband about being a JW. Just like many of you have said, she mainly found it surprising and interesting. She was curious about the religious beliefs. It really is hard to explain everything to someone that has not been in the cult!
I've told people I work with about my JW past and felt a lot better for it. You have to make sure it's someone you really trust though.
In my experience, people are pretty sympathetic to any social difficulties you may have when you explain your upbringing and how it's affected you.
It's not really an issue anymore for me to be honest.
It used to be though, i used to be very reluctant to tell people, almost as if they were going to judge me bad because of it. Now though i do not make a point of telling people, but i do if the conversation ever comes up about religion or spirituality.
I often discuss this with one of my best friends, who used to be a jw too. Whenever we go out there is a group of us. Nobody amongst this group know of our jw past, apart from one and he was shocked. They just think we are old mates, which we are at the end of the day. Funny thing is though it's not that we hide it or ashamed of it, it's just that it doesn't come up in conversation, it's just not an issue anymore.
People that i do tell tend to be curious about it.
Paul
Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts on this. It is helpful to know that I am not alone. I have always felt reluctant to tell anyone of my JW past. Given my current occupation as a newspaper editor, I know it would cause major shock (how could such a smart lady be that dumb?) and I would not enjoy giving the endless explanations to follow. I guess it is part pride on my part and partly that I don't want to relive the trauma over and over again by explaining to people who mean well but can't possibly understand. There was a JW who worked at my paper who worked in the mail room and was known by all to be a JW. She comes around every year with memorial invitations and I just take it and say thanks. She has no idea that I am an ex JW. The last thing I want is for elders from the local congo here to pay me a visit to re-activate me. Yikes. The publishers kept leaving literature at my door and I finally called the hall and left a message to please not call and no more literature at the door.I find the comments some have left on here about PTSD to be very interesting. I had never thought of that before, but I think there may be some truth to it.
Anyway, thanks all for such interesting comments.
I agree with the war story analogy. Not only is it what connects all of us it's something I don't want anyone else to go through.
I TELL EVERYONE THAT I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO TELL.
Kind of anti-informal witnessing. I always include the fact that it is a mind-control cult/publishing company masquerading as a religion, that it took me 30 years to realize it and that they immediately separate you from friends and family.
As with informal witnessing, I continue as time and interest allows.
I'm reluctant to bring it up. I find that whenever I do and the conversation gets deeper, I sound like a complete 'tard telling some of things that I would avoid in life and why. Now that I'm on the outside I feel really foolish for following that cult and it's peculiar practices. Usually one answer leads to another question and it just gets worse from there
