Please help non jw in love with a studying jw (page 2)

jws

Let me get this straight. You're with this guy for 9 years, you get pregnant and he leaves the state. Within a year, he's already been married 5 months to a JW, yet he's not baptised.

Something about this smells. Any good JW girl wouldn't have married a guy who's just studying and not baptised. And even to get married so soon seems suspicious even if the JWs weren't even involved. How long could they have known each other? He knew he had a child on the way.

So this guy you've been with for 9 years leaves you on your own while pregnant, marries another girl, and you want him back??? Forget about whether he's becoming a JW or not, he's a loser. All you need from him is child support. You have no reason to accept this man back. And the fact that he's becoming JW should just re-affirm that decision.

heather613

I went to see along time best girl friend in michigan and we were living in georgia at the time. I found out I was pregnant when I was up there so we decided to move there, however he told me he got into some trouble dui and had court and probation and couldn't leave meanwhil he had been studying with another lady from his work and they would go out and go to the kingdom hall together. She is not baptised either. I had my suspisions when he finally came up by different comments he would make to me but I didn't have any proof I believe they were living together while I was in michigan in my house and he told her that he came to see me to get a divorce but I set her straight when I found her new cell phone number which I thought was his but he bought it for her after they were married. They are still married but she wants nothing to do with him and he says he loves me and never loved her that it was a place to stay while he was trying to get help finding god and becoming a better person for our son and me. I have stuck by him for so long we were like one person now I don't even feel like I know this new man. I am trying to be patient and understanding with him. they got married at a court house.

Awakened at Gilead

THere are more fish in the sea, with less baggage. Go fishin!

thomas15

Even if you take the JW or religion issue out of the equation, you are still running after a world class chump who will make you miserable no matter what. Get court ordered child support now, and let him chase after you.

Black Sheep

"....she wants nothing to do with him...."

Heather,

She has woken up, now it's your turn.

I am sure both of your lives will be better without him.

Chris

BabaYaga

Thomas15 said: Even if you take the JW or religion issue out of the equation, you are still running after a world class chump who will make you miserable no matter what. Get court ordered child support now, and let him chase after you.

Exactly. This wouldn't have to be a JW discussion board for everyone to tell you to get on with your life without him.

You and your son deserve better. Keep your son's welfare and future in mind... he is depending on your decisions now.

drew sagan

Sounds like a rather strange situation for sure, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that.

He married another girl because if was quote "convenient". I'm sorry, but it really seems as though he is really not as committed to you as you wish and hope.

You mention often that you have spent 9 years with him. How would you feel to spend another 9 years and still be in the same position? Do you really believe this man is able to pull himself togeather and be faithful, honest, and supportive? He seems like a rather unstable person to begin with and the JW thing just puts him over the top.

Also, you came here hoping to find ways to deal with his new found faith. I really do not think it is possible for you to even begin to get into that with much success.

Why should you put so much time and effort into helping a person who has been so blatently dishonest, sneaky and decietful? Wake up! This guy is no good. Guys like him will tell you that they want to change their entire lives. Time for you to start setting the standards. You need to set the rules, not him. You are letting this bum run your life. It's either ship up or ship out, quit being his doormat.

carla

Run, do everything you can to protect your child from this very dangerous and deadly cult. You need to start researching and preparing NOW! Read this board (or any ex jw board) and see the tremendous emotional, spiritual and often physical & sexual abuses by this organization and jw parents.

As for his lying to you, that is normal within the witnesses, they are trained to lie (see their definition of 'lie' in the Aid book) if they think they are somehow protecting the organization. My jw lied to me at the direction of the elders too. Seriously, find ways to protect your child and yourself now! legally, spiritually and emotionally. Good luck, you will need it.

yknot

Oh Heather honey......

I sympathize with your plight but the best advice is to better yourself and cut him loose.

I know it is hard to think about letting go after investing so much but think about what you have told us in your postings...

1. He stung you around for 9 years

2. He knocked you up and when you went to visit a friend he started an affair.

3. He sleeps with this woman in your house in your bed and then marries her.

4. All the while he is claiming to become more spiritual (ie moral) but leaves you alone to deliver his child?

5. He is jobless

6. Has a criminal record

7. Wants you to respect his religious beliefs but his actions in general show a lack of respect for you as a person...

8. He is dictating to you the rules and conditions of the relationship.....verses showing humility.

9. Owes you money for the travel arrangements.

Sweety your love for the man (or hoped future life) has you wearing rose colored glasses.

Prince Charming he ain't........ It is hard but there is a better man in your future if you start treating yourself better then the lower standards you have been long accepting.

Hell become a nurse (Rn- 2yrs of school and lpn.lvn 1 year of school), marry a doctor and live a life of wealth an ease ...

If not for YOUR SAKE ... then your CHILD'S.

Blessings of comfort and joy to you and the baby.

drew sagan

Amen yknot!

heather613 I hope you take what some have spoken her seriously. This is more than just a problem with this mans new found religion. That is just one part of a larger picture. I know this is not what you want to hear, you want to beleive it can work. I hope you continue to post here, people are very supportive. Don't walk away from advice just because it doesn't fit what you want.

Please help non jw in love with a studying jw

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