Counseled by elders for body odor

by rebel8 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rebel8

  It's amazing how the congregation I was in promoted passive-aggressive behavior. Whenever you saw someone behaving inappropriately, you were supposed to run to the elders to tattle. In some cases these were things that were none of our business or should have been handled privately.

  There was a pioneer TM who was having personal problems of some sort. [I suspect she was acting out due to cognitive dissonance.] She became a brutal verbal bully and played a lot of mind games, scapegoating, lying, etc.

  She started going out in field circus without showering or washing her hair [for days at a time]. She reeked in every way you can imagine. She wore men's sweatpants--dirty of course--instead of a theocratic prarie skirt TM . She looked and smelled like she was living on the street.

  A few of us consulted our parents and were told to go to the elders. We did. She was counseled. She improved for about 30 seconds and then was back at it with a vengeance. She stopped going to meetings and it was announced that she had stepped down. Then she just returned like nothing had happened.

  Looking back on this now that I'm an adult, I realize this was something that really should have been handled privately (or at least we should have tried to). If I was a salesperson and had a coworker doing this stuff, I'd have a stern talk with her first before going to the boss.
• 

  Amazing

  Rebel8,

  This reminds me of a 'brother' who was a friend of mine. He and his wife had moved to town, as we did, to work in the Nuke business. At first, we did not notice anything unusual about them, but when we visited their home, it was mindbogglingly filthy and stinky. Before long, I noticed that he was not bathing or brushing his teeth, or wearing clean cloths. He was smelling so bad, that his odor would get past the ammonia fumes at the job site, even when a big fan was blowing. Finally, some manager put him in an office by himself, and asked him to keep the door closed.

  His wife got a job one day, as money was tight for them. She lost weight, cleaned up, met a man, and started having an affair. In time she booted her husband and kids out, and moved in with her boyfriend.

  Now comes the fun part. I was called one night by my friend. He asked me to bring another Elder to come visit him at a local coffee shop. I called an Elder who was a nice guy, and whose house was not perfect by any means. It was late, but it seemed important, as I had a suspecion that something serious was up and I wanted a nice guy with me. We showed up at the restaurant. My friend then broke down and told us the whole sordid affair. He asked our honest opinion of what we thought was wrong and what he might do to save his marriage.

  The truth be told: I told him that it was hard to predict what his wife would do, because once a person crosses the barrier of building a new relationship, the odds of repairing the existing relationship are slim. But, for his own sake, he needed to clean up, bath his body, wash his hair every morning, brush his teeth twice a day at a minimum, and wear clean cloths. Since he was left with the children, he needed to enlist their help to keep the house clean ... and we discussed how to keep house at a basic level. We also assured him we would get some "sisters" to help out with some of this, perhaps to coach the children, until he was on his feet at home. Some did volunteer and things worked out in time.

  He eventually divorced his wife, moved to another town, and remarried. That was about 30 years ago. I do wonder how he is doing today, as we have lost contact for about the last 20 years. I wonder why no one ever really talked to him earlier, or why he and his wife got into living in such a mess in the first place. It took a major event in his life to wake him up ... it was too late to save his marriage, but at least he woke up.
• 

  Witness 007

  I don't understand how people live without a shower! To me the worst odor came from the Horse shit in the Watchtower magazines!
• 

  WTWizard

  Between field circus and boasting sessions, it's a wonder anyone finds time to shower.
• 

  diffedexjw

  Hahahaha what a great story. I love when the elders would have to talk to the stinky person, how akward that must of been for both partys. But I would of loved watching the elders squirm. And truth is, you gotta shower. Cleanliness is next to godliness or its just nicer to be clean.
• 

  minimus

  I had to counsel a pioneer/ms over his stink. He was insulted! He got even smellier and it got to a point that NO ONE wanted him in the car. The Service Com. threatened him with removal. He got better but still smells.
• 

  Finally-Free

  I don't understand how people live without a shower!

  My guess is depression. Once you stop caring about yourself, others, and even your own life personal hygeine probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind.

  W
• 

  shamus100

  I've had to do this in a work environment, unfortunately.

  Personally, I don't understand how someone can stink and not do something about it. How did I handle it?

  I simply told him: It's your job to have excellent personal hygene. It worked. (but damn, was it emberassing!)
• 

  rebel8

  I had to counsel an employee once to stop peeing on the chairs in her office. Not kidding.
• 

  Gram

  This can be a problem especially for those who are very overweight. I knew a young brother who was in excess of 300 plus pounds. His odor was gross, yet some of the kind and "elderly" sisters took him in service. His weight broke down their seats in their cars. Never knew what happened to him, though. Strange how his odor was left behind in the cars! Or is it, once an odor gets into your nostrils, it takes a while for it to diffuse?