Sirona,
I trust everyone at first. I am disappointed quite often. I used to hold this against myself and say things like: "Gee Joel, you must be worthless for people to treat you like that when you trusted them and didn't do anything to them." This behavior has been the cause for a good deal of mental pain and stress for me over the years. I have not noticed much difference between the reaction of witnesses versus non-witnesses to me in this regard. In both groups I found a very few that I could trust totally, a few more that I could trust situationally and the rest were not really trustworthy.
I am working on changing my attitude regarding this. I still intend to trust everyone at first. They will have to prove their untrustworthiness to me. I understand the risks involved however my personal ethics require me to take this path. I do however plan to change my pattern of behavior after someone has proven untrustworthy.
1. I will not blame myself for another person's untrustworthiness.
2. I will not exert effort trying to change that person into a trustworthy person.
3. I will move untrustworthy people to the fringes of my life.
I think our circle can involve people at different levels without completely eliminating them from our life. In the past I have had a
"zero tolerance" policy, either you were in or you were out. I've decided this is a bad policy. My new policy allows people in my life, but at arms length, if I know that their trustworthiness is less than total.
So, I will end up with close friends, friends, associates and acquaintances and a fifth group of people who I will hesitate to call enemies, but who will not be involved in my life.
I define trustworthiness not only by a person's honesty but also by their kindness, compassion and loyalty. All those qualities make up someone I consider trustworthy.
take care
Joel