I used to spend hours praying, then I de-programmed and spent a whole year not praying, and now I pray once in a while and not usually out of fear, anxiety or desperation. I try to make anything I do spiritually be out of joy.
I lived in a constant state of anxiety about Gods approval for SO LONG, sure I never had it. But, now I'm sort of between a few different thoughts on the matter.
I figure if there is a God, he's nothing like the scary WTS version or we'd have all been extincted long ago. Their God is awfully fun of mass slaughter of all sorts of people he gets angry with, and he's looking for any excuse or deviation to wipe out 90% of the human race at any given time. And you're supposed to sleep peacefully every night with this in your head? I have to say, since I quit believing the scary JW mindf**k, I rarely have anxiety attacks anymore.
Anxiety attacks are sometimes about your body trying to keep you safe from danger, perceived or not, you know? I should have listened to that smart self preserving part of my brain a lot sooner!
Or I figure that maybe God is like my very open minded atheist friend says: "If there is a God, and I doubt there is in the anthropomorphic sense found in most religions, I don't think he hates. I prefer the Kabbalist view, that God is in each one of us and that each one of us is used as an extension of God to learn about the universe, we are all God and God is all of us."
Or that if you do believe in the Biblical God, that he'd better be the one that saves you through faith even if you are a sinner, because we all definitely qualify as that, and it's OKAY if you're a sinner. What else can you be?
But, I have to laugh at how ingrained this is...I sometimes find myself "talking" to Jehovah at times, especially when I'm upset, and then I realize my concept of God is not at all like what JWs believe, so why am I wasting my time invoking "their" god?The programming is that hard to shake after years and years away from it.
Although, true, they do not have any patent on the name Jehovah, although if they could, they would and everyone else would have to pay them a dollar to use it. LOL