some leave & stay quiet...why do some rant/obsess like me/us?

by oompa 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  i recently posted "why do we do this?".....good answers btw.......but now.......i so want/need to let go......my wife will not change...and it has been nightmare awful lately.....i will never go back......i have hurt her soooooooo bad for over two years.........why cant i stop?...she is a great woman..........we might could make it if i could just shut up......get bye not just to her but my friends as well......

  do i need meds for obsessive thoughts/behavior?..........damm i am obsessed over this cult........why cant i just not be a religious person....just shut up and be non vocal.........i just keep outing myself.......like a deathwish.......i do not really want to lose my family....i have lost most friends already.......but am scared to lose my family too......i know many here have......i just wish i could be a more silent fader......

  if we shut up.......we are not really apostate in there eyes......but uh-oh.........if you keep on like me.......you are one.......and since i am even more non-judgemental now........she has a right to her own beliefs.....

  an old friend of mine just went back to jw.......he is now sober due to this decision...it helps him.....some just need structure.........plus......he has a chick in jw that loves him........and he will get wicked good poontang from her as soon as he marries this goddess.....so that is good too...oompa

  good luck poontang bound jw friend......
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  restrangled

  oompa, I hear what you are saying. I stay silent and then blow.....with my mom. I vent here, to my husband etc. Then when someone repeats to me what I have complained about and adds to it, I get angry with them.

  Its a weird place to be. On the one hand you love the person, they are your family, you want to defend them, and on the other, you feel angry over their stupidity at being unable to see the reality of this stupid religion and the damage it has caused.

  I can't imagine being married to someone who is in this religion. It must be an absolute torturous situation.

  I have no answers, stayed silent for years, and obsessed for years...nothing changes.

  I guess we have to change ourselves.....JW's won't.

  r.
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  gubberningbody

  Oompa, do you want to have a real and honest relationship with people? I suspect that you do. People who want those things who are embedded within a group of people who do not want those things will always feel this kind of dissonance.

  People have limitations. Some of those whom we love are cowards or are mentally deficient when it comes to these things.

  What I began to do for catharsis is carry a notebook with me so that it could become my confessor. I would sit at meetings and assemblys and write furiously w/regard to what I felt and why I felt it. The white paper was always receptive to what I had to say, never once was I rejected. When I would go went back to reread my notes I would look for patterns of annoyance. What exactly were the things that annoyed me the most? Why was this so? I would likely have been these still had my wife not been less than discreet which led them to begin moving against her. I was never going to be party to the nonsense or abuse I'd witnessed as an elder but I began to be outnumbered by the glassy-eyed arrivals of recently outsourced bethelites made "special pioneers" and yes-men who knew neither their bibles nor the literature which the organization had spewed forth over the years. They moved against her and she decided that she'd listened to enough apostasy being spoken from the platform and printed in the magazines that we collectively decided to end it right then.

  Try writing your thoughts down and read and rehearse them until they flow calmly and naturally. Then if you need to speak you won't seem anything but calm because you will be calm. A calm man speaking sense calmly makes more impact and is harder to dismiss or ignore. The hive doesn't want you to collect your thoughts in this manner, so you know this is what you should do.

  Even now I've prepared myself for unplanned meetings in the world so that I can calmly and evenly deliver reasonable sounding excuses if I need to. Right now the hive is buzzing. I will wait until they settle down again before I make contact again. This may be 6 months or more. I don't know.
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  fern

  why do some rant/obsess like us? good question! I think the answer for many of us is because we are PISSED OFF! This cult has farther reaching than I could have ever imagined. I've been out for 22 years now and I'm still angry about the normal childhood that was robbed from me. I have found it increasingly hard not to tell my mother exactly how I feel about her beloved "truth". I just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace.

  Fern
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  StAnn

  I agree with Fern that we're pissed off but I also believe that we are courageous enough to try to stand up and be noticed, in hopes that something can be done to stop other people from having their lives destroyed by the WTS. Even if it's lurkers here on the board.

  We are freedom fighters and we can't be stopped.

  St. Ann
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  Hopscotch

  oompa of the dots….It’s so easy to please others when we are young. Simple – we play by other’s rules and we get what we need and want. But as we get older and become more independent we find it harder and harder to keep up the motivation to live our lives as others want us to. Keeping up appearances and pleasing others is tiring and frustrating the older we get. We realise how short our life really is and that we have our own dreams and yearnings to follow – tagging along following someone else’s dream just doesn’t give us satisfaction anymore. Our own true self is bursting at the seams trying to get out until eventually it forces us to say or do things that will release it. If we ignore this voice inside us crying out for us to do something to get our lives more in line with our true self, then it will eventually give us us a big whack on the head someway or another to make us listen. And choosing to totally ignore it eventally destroys you (heard the term 'soul destroying') - you die a little more inside each day/month/year.

  The need to be authentic and true to ourselves and live a life that feels right to us becomes stronger and stronger each year. It seems that deep down inside us the approval of others is no longer as important so we take risks to lead a life of our own choosing. And the older we get the more of a sense of urgency we seem to have about living our lives on our own terms so we find ourselves (I know I do and have done) speaking up even though we vowed to stay quiet.

  And it eventually gets to the point that even if it means losing your family (like it did in my case) you say. “This is my life and I’m going to live it the way I want to. I don’t need your approval – you are living the life you want, now it’s my turn”. And you go ahead and do it – and all of a sudden you’re free! And boy does it feel good to be free of the chains of bondage that the WTS held me in for 40 years.

  I like these two quotes:

  Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself . – Richard Bach
  
  

  "Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything - whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out."

  - Tina Turner

  Anyway oompa that's my take on why some of us can't/couldn't stay quiet even though we thought we wanted to. All the best.

  Hopscotch
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  bam55

  oompa,did you ever think it was because while you are trying to convince others, that you are still trying to convince yourself? It reminds me of what a psycologist said once about when people that are going through a divorce, there is great anger because there was still alot of unresolved feelings of love. I read how people talk about being in bondage for years with th Jw's, funny thing is I've never in all my years been forced to do anything. Ah but wouldn't life be so much easier if you weren't one of JW's. by all means be true to yourself, but in the process don't forget to admit that you were simply going through the motions when you were involved wth the wittnesses. Most of the time I hear people say this ,I can't help but think that they were only trying to do what they thought would save their own butt. I guess I would be bitter too if I spent years going out in the ministry and to all those meetings and didn't do it for the right reasons. You couldn't pay me to do what JW's do if I didn't do for love of my fellow man and love for Jehovah God. I have a whole lot more respect for people that just stop coming and say they couldn't live up to the high moral standards that God requires of them, just because they are usually the one's that are being true to themselves.
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  oompa

  Hopscotch.....i think i hate you now......that is EXACTLY how i feel....i want to be free, and am dying a bit more each day/month/year (but arent we all)......the diff is some are dying free and living the life they want.......and some are free and happy with the life they are making........and some feel stuck in hell and are trying to change the life around them when it is probably impossible............oompa.......

  thanks hops
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  Witness 007

  I'm over the "abusing Witnesses phase".....now I'm going to the occasional meeting with my wife just for the "poontang".......long live the Watchtower! Yeah Hoooo!
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  The Berean

  oompa:

  I believe you have posed for me a core issue of my discontent. I am possessed by something. JWs would say it is Satan. While I would agree that this uncontrolable force is demonic ... there may be another theory to examine.

  What if there really exist spiritual forces battling for supremacy in the universe, playing in a ballpark to which flesh and blood are not admitted? What if individuals are but the prey for such a competition?

  How would such a senario play out for the hunted?

  Well, once one comes under the control of Demon A, for instance, there might appear to be relative "peace and security" (I'll bet you've heard that phrase before) This would be because a demon would protect what is their own.

  Now, those earthlings who have decided NOt to turn their life over to ANY unseen force would't be much of a challenge for the demons since they offer no "trophy' opportunity for any spirit "contender." These too would have relative peace.

  BUT ... for those who have committed to a force or are waffling and then attempt to somehow renege on their potential allegiance to that spirit ... WATCH OUT! It can become hell if a superhuman force gets into our head and we later attempt to alienate ourselves from them. It can become like a cat toying with a mouse that is trying to get away.

  I believe many of us are here sharing our pain while attempting to exorcise such demons. I also believe it gets better when a person truly no longer cares about mentally ill spirits somewhere in the universe and tries to do their earthly best. When one takes the fun out of it, for the ghostly hunters, serenity is possible.

  For those who believe the Bible we might cite James 4:7 "oppose the Devil and he will flee from you."

  One final thought ... those who are still enslaved tend to hate any who become free ... count on it.