Sorrow ...

by compound complex 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I have made repeated attempts to move on with my life since your arrival 23 September but cannot. A change of venue, that of diet, even new clothes have afforded me but a frivolous and temporary elevation of spirits. Accordingly, as I am thus paralyzed by a most profound sense of melancholia, I lie in bed, starring at a black sky, and pine anew for what little contentment life once offered up. A mellow and simple joy I owned before your decision to inhabit my home, my body, my spirit.

    You have gripped me by the nape of my neck and refuse to release me. My begging for mercy is for naught. You are a wily mistress, one whose cruel hold is that of iron. In complete control of all that my eyes now behold, you pull me steadily backward into times past. Times that, I believed, were gone and forgotten. Nearly forgotten but for a brief remembrance triggered, in strange and bitter irony, by that briefest recollection of fleeting happiness. You, Sorrow, force upon me the anguish of your undeniable existence, your penetrating essence. You have stolen my present, sabotaged my future, yet you say nothing....

    Who, really, are you?

  • BizzyBee
    BizzyBee

    Autumn?

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    That was dark and drippingly beautiful, Precious CoCo, but I do hope that your own personal heart is lighter than this would lead me to believe...?

    Love to you,
    Baba.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    BB:

    Perhaps ... I forgot what momentary twinge of spiraling despair had me fixate on 23 September. C'est la guerre!

    Someone - scholar, drunkard, librarian, laborer - must have felt himself slipping away into nothingness and recorded that event before his complete and final expiration. Unless, of course, he slipped away too quickly with no one the savior. To be sure, few men put their sorrow to paper before they die.

    Perhaps it is too much, the autumn transit that is forcing this man, captive and unwilling, into a forward march toward darker times. The summer sun kept me cheered and pushing onward in pursuit of a furtive dream. Only briefly did that elusive and mocking vision peer back at me before running on ahead, ever beyond my grasp. There was no discouragement, no thought of my quitting the chase, however. The summer's heat and length of day invigorated me toward the continuous effort required to enter the unmatchable beauty of a dream realized. Today is different. Tomorrow, likewise, shall be this "different," autumnal reality. The change was imperceptible. Summer, in all her robust glory, held on long and vigorous with warmth, birdsong and a good humor capable of lifting the spirits of even the perpetually dispirited. Now the sun has gone; all that remains is the oppressive damp of a landscape gone cold. What confronts me - blocking all routes of escape either forward or backward - is that slipping away into the nothingness of certain decay and descent into oblivion. A once joyous world of hopes and dreams has departed, where nothing seemed impossible in the mind of the visionary. The unsavory replacement is a disintegration into the dark and fearful realm of grief and affliction. Finally ... Eternal silence....

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Baba:

    You know me! I can turn it on, then turn it off. Sometimes I feel quite split down my dichotomized middle. Thanks for asking!

    Love,

    CoCo

  • Chalam
    Chalam

    CC,

    This is for you

    Isaiah 43:18-19 (New International Version)

    18 "Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.

    19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
    I am making a way in the desert
    and streams in the wasteland.

    The whole chapter is great Isaiah 43

    All the best,

    Stephen

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    Coco,

    kin u rite in plane english? I don't unnerstand u.

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    coco,

    I went back to the good old days, starting in 2006, of course.

    I looked up some of your posts, and as I looked through some of the threads, I noticed the many that no longer post.

    I noticed all the fun we used to have on JWD.

    All of the crazy personalities.

    What happened, dear brother coco?

    What the hell happened?

    Seriously, .

    Warlock

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thank you, dear friends, Chalam, cameo and Warlock, for your thoughtful and thought-provoking replies. Those verses in Isaiah are certainly appreciated.

    We've all changed since learning the "Truth." Accordingly, we express ourselves differently. I am now very happy and see my current life as joyous and fulfilling. The former despairing sadness that seemed so firmly entrenched in my daily existence is gone. What I write is not a detailed description of the highs and lows of my personal life, such as you might see in other posts, but deeply-seated, otherwise intangible feelings given voice.

    You're correct, Warlock, that many of our good friends no longer post. And that for any number of reasons. I, on the other hand, have chosen to remain on though I clearly march to the beat of a different drummer. It's surely no claim to anything special on my part, but I've talked and written this way since youth. Realizing that I'm wired weird and that few may "get" me, I have decided that going into obscurity - where all my artistic endeavors of 50 years appear likewise to be going - is insufficient reason to stifle my creative impulses. I am OK that my art, music and writing is uninteresting to the public at large. It's a major achievement that I no longer take myself and what I do too seriously.

    You're all kind to respond, and I am very grateful that you have taken the time to express yourselves!

    Love,

    CoCo

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    Coco: "I am OK that my art, music and writing is uninteresting to the public "

    That is simply not true!

    Many here have enjoyed your posts showing your artwork, as well as your poetic meanderings!

    CoCo, for me, some of your posts are often the very thing that lifts me up after reading so much sorrow on this board.

    We all need the balance of the joy that you bring.

    Your friend,

    Cameo-d

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