Friends, Study Partners, and then GONE...

by ptucker8357 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  welcome PTucker

  consider your experience a life lesson learned. You missed getting sucked into a cult. Be glad. Be very very glad.

  I was a former elder in this cult, and I and other former elders here will tell you,... if a "bible study" (you) were not making "progress" (ie, coming to all the meetings, starting to give informal witness to family, inquiring about becoming a "publisher" [aka door knocker], well into at least the first "study" publication, etc)...then we were told by COs (circuit overseers, a type of regional manager over 20 congregations) and other trainers alike to encourage the rank and file members to drop such "unproductive" studies and find fresh studies prey.

  Glad you didn't fall for it.... hope your former "friend" figures out it was all a bunch of horse s*it.

  Snakes ()
• 

  Marjorie

  Hello, PTucker, and welcome to JWN.

  I am sorry about the pain that you are feeling about your lost friendship. But the JW that you studied with was using the technique of love bombing on you.

  Wikipedia/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing:

  Love bombing is the deliberate show of affection or friendship by an individual or a group of people toward another individual. Critics have asserted that this action may be motivated in part by the desire to recruit, convert or otherwise influence.

  Critics of cults often cite love bombing as one of the features that may identify an organization as a cult. When used by critics, the phrase is defined to mean affection that is feigned or with an ulterior motive and that is used to reduce the subject's resistance to recruitment.

  The term was popularized by psychology professor Margaret Singer, who has become closely identified with the love-bombing-as-brainwashing point of view. In her 1996 book, Cults in Our Midst, she described the technique thus:

  "As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be love bombed by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing - or the offer of instant companionship - is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives."

  JW's are a cult of Christianity. Its members frequently employ this misleading technique in order to convert the unwary. If the study does not get baptized in a reasonable time period, or once baptized, decides to leave, that person is considered unworthy to associate with. Pray for him, so that he will see the light one day, and consider yourself blessed for finding out the truth about how the JW's operate, before you decided to take the final step of baptism.
• 

  steve2

  Actually, pTuck,you've now experienced the opposite of love bombing - being dropped from your role as "friend" with what seems like a shabby rationale. I agree with you that he at least could have spoken to you directly and it does seem like he's hiding from direct communication. He's unskillful in his dealing with this. As other posters have said, you can do some helpful learning from this and stick to your own values about friendships. Go well!
• 

  Johnny

  Similar to a car salesman who approaches you in a very friendly manner to win your confidence, and a sale. When he realizes that your are not going to buy, he moves on to "greener pastures".
• 

  no more kool aid

  Ptucker, welcome to the board. Take my word for it (I've been "in the truth" my whole life) it's not you! My only associates were JW's for 40 some years, none of them have anything to do with me except for a small handful. My "whole life" and if I'm not one of them, I am nothing, even to my parents! He had the agenda and probably genuinely liked you but the agenda won out. As above posters mentioned be glad you didn't get sucked in anymore than you did. Again, welcome and keep reading.
• 

  lurk3r

  "I finally got an email back in which he said he just did not have the time for me."

  So sorry to hear about your woes Ptucker. It's sad to think that I have acted like this myself towards other people. As a JW you have to be able to block certain things out, and this dear friend of yours sounds like he is acting on his conditioning.

  You did spend a LOT of time together though. Can I ask if the ways you got to know one another, were they superfical? In your talking with one another, did he talk about himself much, or was it more about his views of life according to the religion?

  In his response to you. Was it short and sweet, or long winded and beating around the bush?

  Thank You for sharing,

  lurk3r
• 

  steve2

  Can I ask if the ways you got to know one another, were they superfical? In your talking with one another, did he talk about himself much, or was it more about his views of life according to the religion?

  Really thoughtful questions, Lurk3r. I had wondered if the "friendship" was more based on shared activities than sharing of talk about life and friendship. The fact that the JW could not or would not front up suggests it may have been more of a superficial connection, with lots of "doing" and not much heart-to-heart talking.
• 

  lurk3r

  Reading Ptuckers comments indicates there was some "heart to heart" talking, as he was genuinely hurt...so I thought I would ask some questions to help clarify.And my questions have what to do with you Steve? I'm not sure if your being a dick or not. Questions lead to more questions, and I am more than happy to engage in conversation rather than read into what a poster may be "suggesting". For all you know, his friend my be having a harder time with this than you or I know. Your a real gem. The Witness in question may not even be aware of his own feelings to even be able to "front up". As much as they are all the same in one way or another, their not all exactly the same.

  lurk3r
• 

  gubberningbody

  You sound like a woman. If you're married and even if you're not it could very well be that the emotional line was crossed and he wasn't cool with that.

  Oh and I'd have to say that the fact you're here and supposedly a "study?"

  Sounds really fishy to me. My spidey sense is going off.
• 

  ziddina

  Welcome, Ptucker!

  As so many of the posters have mentioned, you've just had a narrow escape. The fact that you didn't respond within a year is the most likely reason your 'friendship' was dropped - yours was sincere, his was just a front to - as you said - "lure you in"...

  Count yourself so VERY VERY lucky! And - if I may suggest - get a few books on cults, especially those that describe the way cults work. Though you've escaped for now, there may come a time when he - or another JW - will attempt again to convert you.

  BEFORE you let ANYTHING like that happen, FIND OUT ABOUT THEIR PRACTICE OF DISFELLOWSHIPPING aka 'shunning' - wherein ALL OF YOUR Jehovah's Witness FAMILY and FRIENDS are no longer allowed to talk to you - AT ALL - ON PAIN OF BEING DISFELLOWSHIPPED THEMSELVES!

  Sorry 'bout the CAPS, but this is the ONE issue that has caused more general PAIN than any other - with the possible exception of their "NO BLOOD Transfusions" policy.

  Good to have you on board! Zid