Berean,
That was a very insightful opening post. There is a grieving process, a sadness, an anger, a hopelessness, an uncertainty that can be overpowering sometimes, not only when we think of ourselves, but of our friends and family. Unfortunately for many of us, we are not somewhere that appropriate professional counselling is available. Fortunately, JWN and the rest of the Interweb is available to help us cope. It's done wonders for me.
Excuse me while I address a couple of shallow, judgmental remarks made in the thread. I probably should shuddup and leave it, but this is what I would want any lurkers to know about "cowards" like me:
PassPro: "However, to stay in a cult because you fear losing contact with people who only stay in contact with you because you're seen to be part of their cult is surely counter-productive and in the long-term much more damaging that simply leaving."
Those "people" are all the family and friends most of us have ever had. They are still indoctrinated to believe that if we leave "the truth" we are rejecting God and rejecting them. Hey, I'm not rejecting these friends and family. I have always loved them and will always love... well, most of them. The majority of the time we don't even talk about JW stuff. Why should I allow a publishing company to tell them that they can no longer have anything to do with me? I really am rejecting Watchtower Corporation and I'm agnostic now, I guess. I'm no longer enslaved to the cult and it's thinking, but I endure much nonsense for now.
When I first came to JWD, I had already had a couple of scares with my health. Do you know what it's like to hear your mother cry when she thinks you're going to die? Have you seen those kinds of tears in your father's eyes? If you haven't... then shut the he!l up with your holier than thou sermons. I don't want my parents to weep because they think that I've rejected them and rejected God. And if I "simply leave" and get sick again, am I supposed to show up at your doorstep in Scotland so that you will nurse me back to health? Or should I just commit suicide and my ashes flushed. Then you could start the thread: "Ex-Bethelite Billy commites suicide after I instructed him to DA and he got really sick and lonely!!!" I'm sure your friend reniaa would have been far more "christian" about this matter.
So you decided to walk away from one church and join another church. I'm happy for you. Whoop-ti-doo, happy next cult to you. But that doesn't give you the right to start judging me and the rest of humanity. Hey, if you like to laugh it up while you see your family suffer, knock yourself out.
Garybuss: "I eat them bastards for breakfast."
Really Gary, which ones? Do you take them with toast and juice? I assure you that you obsess about the JWs much more than they ever think about you. Surely you've been studying the Watchtower lately since you self-aggrandize as much as the Governing Body. 7,598 posts here, eh? I'm not a bit impressed. Watchtower Corporation isn't afraid of you at all. You are nobody to them off in Nowhereville, Dakota. You are an ignored apostate. Like it or not, you are shunned.
Really, I'm nobody in nowhereville, too. But guess what... "Billy eats them bastard for breakfast". Their biggest nightmare is high-level defectors right on the inside. I can talk to every-freakin'-body. Most of the time I kinda coast along like everything is fine. Meeting parts are so banal that I can give any talk off-the-cuff and actually make it more interesting than any of the other elders could after a year of preparing. Occasional field service consists of a few not-at-homes, a couple social return visits, a cup of coffee, a trip to the nursing home to brighten an elderly sister's day, then it's off with the tie. Whoop-ti-doo for Billy. Everybody is about as fake as me now. Oh, and pad the numbers on the slip just like everybody else does.
But I've accomplished some of my anti-theocratic goals. Based on my earlier advice, I had two family members get college diplomas in the past week. None of the "youths" in the congregation have "spiritual goals" because of my practical encouragement. For the young: "Pioneering is for the retirees that have steady income." And for the old: "You need to look after your health now that you're older." I've pretty well convinced everyone close to me to take every blood fraction... all at once if needed (which would be whole blood, duh). I've learned most of their doubts and the majority don't think "the end" will come in our lifetime. I've shown the CO to be a mindless drone. I was actually embarrassed for the nutjob... but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I've mentioned the contradictions between what Botchtower prints and what the Bible says. I've used all the facts, research, and insight here on JWN to chisel away at the brainwashing... thanks to Blondie, Mary, Leo, and so many others (even some guys, maybe, I think. But mostly the brainy-ladies). Sometimes I think it's tedious and tiring, helping only me. But oftentimes it is rewarding and therapeutic. Mailing things secretly can be effective, sadly the study slips with the student's address aren't used anymore, so it's trickier. Some have stopped studying. I sort of helped a family of 6 stop attending. Without most of them knowing it, I'm helping them along a journey to accept reality. They all still love me. But, I realize that I don't want to force them to choose between me and God. Most of them still see it that way. But I'm chipping away at the heavy indoctrination that "Watchtower Corporation"= God.
During this time, I'm also making lots of "worldly" friends. My JW family and friends even like my "worldly" friends. I'll just say that this makes things very interesting. So, if I DA along the way, I've already established that my siblings will still associate with me, and I'll have friends on the outside.
"The worst of the worst are those who support the Witness group for money, for promise of inheritance, or for living off a Witness who has money. They offend me. I put them two steps below a real Watch Tower Witness."
Yes, there is money involved for me somewhere along the line. Not a huge amount, just enough that I play along, but I hardly "support the Witness group". I donate $0. My inheritance actually comes from my family way back in CT Russell's day. I'm convinced that my great-great-grandmother would encourage my to lie, cheat, or steal to keep any of the old family assets out of Watchtower hands. And that's exactly what I'm doing. My siblings and I are united in keeping our parents from flushing any more cash into the Watchtower Corporation crapper. Funny to think that I'd be making a dead ancestress that I never personally knew feel proud... from beyond the grave.
So, I'm a coward and offend you. I'm so totally over it.
For anyone that's an unbeliever but still attends for whatever reason, and is still reading this post: I'm not your judge, either. It's your life to live. I certainly don't expect anyone else to be the internal shredder that I am, just do as little as possible. Donate nothing. Respond to encouragement, but go back to minimal activity afterward. Attend the DC if you must, but dress inapproprately and forget everything you hear ASAP. "Apathy" is the hot new trend. Take the lead.
B the X
