I don't wish bad on anyone they make me sick with their actions but they have to answer to god
Do you wish SUFFERING on some human beings? Should you?
by BonaFide 33 Replies latest jw experiences
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poppers
What a powerful and touching story, Lady Lee. Your growth as a human being is evident, and appreciated - thank you.
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Waffles
Out of all the people I've ever met and known in my life I can honestly say that there are 4 of them that I honestly hope experience painful suffering and die an agonizing death. Actually, one of them is already dead from cancer, which doesn't bother me at all. Hopefully the other 3 will get what they deserve - 1 of which is someone in my own family that used the stupid "2 witnesses" rule to get away with years of sexual child abuse. People like these 4 almost make me wish hell was real.
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Lady Lee
My father's abuse of me was before my mother got involved with the JWs. (they were separated when she got involved).
After I reported him to the police I went to live with my mother and her common-law husband. They were both studying. He was caught sexually abusing my teenage aunt and me and the elders were called in. This was I suspect pre Jaracz I suspect - 1964. The way it was handled was no different than how it has been handled in recent years. Sweep as much as possible under the rug. My aunt was sent to live with another of her older sisters and I was sent to live in foster care. The unbaptized common-law husband/abuser was left in the home and the cong and it was never reported to the police. (my foster care was handled privately so no agencies were involved).
As much as I hate the WTS' mishandling of sexual abuse cases the method of dealing with them had basically not changed over the last 45 years - hide it and silence the victims.
Therefore I don't carry as much anger towards Jaracz himself as some of you. Granted he and the other GB members could have chosen to side with the victims. But things have not changed in 45 years! Are we to place the entire blame on one person?
I saw his comment in the aftermath of the silentlambs exposees. Ultimately he is not alone in continuing the policy as is.
I have no idea what happens after people die. I'll find out when it happens. But I highly doubt people like Jaracz will be sitting in heaven preparing to rule over the earth. If there is a hell then some penance should be paid.
No amount of justifiable anger or prayer will change what happens next. But what happens after this life is not up to me.
Thank you to those who responded to my story. It seemed the thread was about other people and not Jaracz so was fitting to add it here.
I don't know if my actions were about forgiveness. I never forgave him. I certainly never forgot. He never met my daughters. And I warned every person in the family about him.
Above I said I reported him to the police. There was a courtcase - more to remove his parental rights than any criminal case I think. As we were leaving the courthouse he stopped my mother and I on the courthouse steps. He walked up to me and bent over to look in my face (I was 12 and still shorter than him). He glared into my eyes and said if he ever saw me again he would kill me. I KNEW he was capable of it and was very glad we were living in another province.
But in that moment I knew I was not looking into the eyes of a father. He was a madman and I was free of him. I never missed him. From that moment on I also only referred to him by his given name, John. He did not earn to be called dad or whatever.
I didn't mourn the loss of a father because I had never known what a real father was. Over the years I encountered men who I thought were good fathers and wondered what it would have been like but it was so far from my frame of reference that it never triggered any deep sense of loss.
Shortly after this encounter on the courthouse steps I realized anger served one purpose - to hold me captive. It didn't hurt him. He wouldn't know if I was angry. But if I let it, anger had the power to destroy me; to make my life harder than it was. I still had to deal with the long-term effects of the abuse, which took me years but anger, I thought, would not help me. There was no purpose in it. As a teen, anger had the power to propel me into a self-destructive life. I couldn't hurt him with the anger so there was only me to get hurt.
I let it go. Oddly I just let it go. I worked on things that would make my life better. "The best revenge is to learn to live well" or words to that effect. While that too has no bearing on him it has a huge bearing on me and my life and those close to me.
Going to see my father before his death certainly triggered many feelings and memories. And I had to deal with them. I wrote a lot which really helped. And while I got up and read a eulogy that was sanitized I also wrote one that was for me alone.
In the end he missed out. In the end I grew more than I might have at 12 yrs old and certainly faster than I should have. But I grew. I didn't let anger hold me back. Anger didn't keep me locked in a straight-jacket.
We all need to let that anger out. To find productive ways to express it. My way is very different than many other people. But it is what has worked for me for decades.