How many of you elders shared confidential things with your wife?

by Magwitch 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  Magwitch

  I wonder how many of you truly kept things confidential. When I was growing up in 70's in a very rural community my father was the congregation overseer. Thursday nights we always had to stay late after the service meeting while my father dealt with matters in the back room. After the extra meeting in the back room we had about a half hour drive home where my mother would drill my father on every last detail that had just occurred. It would go something like this...."Neil, what was that meeting about?" ...."Well Nancy, Dougy has relasped into masterbation again." My four siblings and I ranging from preschool to high school would then get to hear all the details of Dougy's relapse. Nothing was kept confidential.

  When I married an elder in the '86 I was privy to nothing for 20 years (thank god)
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  asilentone

  oh my god, that damn stupid cult! no need to confess masturbating!
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  garybuss

  
  "Note: Reports have been received where elders have revealed confidential matters to their wives or others in the congregation." (Pay Attention 1977 p.65)
  
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  aSphereisnotaCircle

  I never could understand why people would gripe about gossipy elders wives.

  The wives wouldn't know shit if the hubby kept his mouth shut.

  It's been my experience that you could always find the juicy details about any JC.

  You didn't even have to pry, theres always plenty of elders who volunteer the info unprompted.
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  Lady Lee

  I was an elder's wife. My husband told me nothing. I rarely knew who they were seeing if the JC was meeting and when I did know it wasn't from my husband.
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  blondie

  It just depended on the elder and the wife; it was not a given. But it only took one chatty elder with a chatty wife for information to spread throughout the congregation. I was an elder's wife and the only time my husband told me anything was when it directly involved me. I knew of elder's children and wives though that listened in on the phone calls without the elder knowing.

  Then there were elders who "shared" info with elders from other congregations who would have one chatty elder who would tell his wife.

  Gossip would die if no one would listen.

  Blondie
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  The Berean

  My experience has been that there is little , if anything that remains "confidential" in the elder arrangement. Let's say one confessed a sin or shared something with only 1 elder. Most often, that elder feels compelled for various reasons to inform the whole body. Now, if there are say ten total elders in the body, the other nine can blab all they want since the information was not PERSONALLY shared with them! If one approachs the elder who they originally spoke with as to why the leak ... they will tell you that they can not control what another elder chooses to release ... Catch 22

  This is a key reason that the Elder arrangement can't work!
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  aSphereisnotaCircle

  Then there were elders who "shared" info with elders from other congregations who would have one chatty elder who would tell his wife.

  That's just it, there are plenty of elders who can keep there mouth shut.

  It only takes a few with big mouths to keep the rumer mill going.

  I married into a big gossipy family with multiple elders in multiple halls.

  They freely shared JC details with each other.

  Even as a true believer i thought there behavior was outrageous. It would really annoy me when the bros would give talks about not gossiping and they would usually direct it at the women. In my area the bros were the worst gossips of all.
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  Gregor

  After 5 yrs on a very active JC I am happy to say I never told my wife anything and she never asked what I was involved with even though she often had to wait in the car after the meetings with our hungry, sleepy kids. One evening in the middle of dinner I got a phone call. It was very upsetting and I knew I was in for a dreadful JC. I went back to the table and sat there like a zombie for about a minute and then went to the john and lost my supper. She knew the call was a cong. matter but she never pried. When there were public reproval or DF announcements she never asked me for background.

  I think I may have been influenced by growing up around a snoopy aunt and servant uncle who shared stuff with each other and my grandmother and grandfather who lived with them. When a became an elder I made a personal vow to keep it to myself.

  In the years since I left I have shared some JC cases here but never named people. There was one prolonged case involving one extended family and I have always kept it in the back of my mind as a possible book. It would curl your hair.
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  mindmelda

  LOL..I lived next door to the KH for about 10 years and I always knew who was getting chewed out by the elders, because they'd pull up in the parking lot on Wednesday night, the usual night the elders reserved for a meeting with someone who had been naughty.

  It was such a small town, we all knew anyway...if you took a crap in that town, everyone knew what color it was the next day!