"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed" discussion...

by Tuesday 58 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday

    Has anyone read this book?

    I figured I had to comment because everyone was telling me “Oh Tim, you’re going to love this book. She went to the same assemblies as you, she was raised in a similar household, she did poetry slams as well. Seriously you have to get this book.”

    Seriously, I wish I hadn’t.

    It took about 25 pages for me to think “You know I really don’t like this girl very much.” It took 50 pages for me to say “I’m pretty sure I hate this person.” Now 295 pages into the novel I can honestly say that if I met the girl I’d probably strangle her; or at the very least chuck her the bird (and I don’t mean show her my middle finger, I think I would actually attempt to throw a live pidgeon at her).

    I understand writing a book as some sort of catharsis, she must have proof-read this book before putting it out. I don’t know how she can’t see herself as just the biggest whiny, spoiled, little brat imaginable. I have read stories about JWs who have been disfellowshipped which really seemed they were on a rollercoaster and they had no control over what was happening because the way they were raised. I’ve read stories that made me cry, they moved me completely. Did bad things happen to this girl? Of course, you were raised in a cult my dear. It comes with the territory. However, at every instance the only thing I could bring myself to is: you brought this upon yourself.

    I mean, maybe I’m being too harsh; I’m not really sure that’s why I’m posting my thoughts here to see what others think. Maybe it’s because we’re both from similar areas and similar ages. I mean really Coventry and Pawtucket are literally a stone’s throw from each other. She described the same assemblies that I went to, did the same things I did, she observed some of the same things, her parents didn’t like each other, mine had tried to kill each other (that’s not an exaggeration). She was in a gifted program when she was a child, I was in a gifted program when I was a child. She dropped out of school, got married too young, and fell into every single vice that the JWs warn you about before leaving. All the while people were telling her “don’t drop out of school, you’ll regret it” or “You’re awfully young to get married, shouldn’t you wait a few years?” or “You’re awfully young to be joining the Ministry School, don’t you think you should wait a few years?” or even “Are you sure you want to be baptized?”. I mean really, what I wouldn’t give to have caring elders like that giving me advice that was in my best interest instead of in the best interest of the Kingdom Hall. “Tim, you like Crystal don’t you. You know you could be baptized at the next assembly so she’d consider marrying you” (at age 15), “Tim you are a great speaker, you should become a full time minister”; (at 13) “What are you wasting your time in school for, you hate it, you could go to Bethel and get free room and board AND $50 a week to spend.” (3 months shy of graduating high school) “I’m going to sign you up for the ministry school because you write so well, give it a few weeks then tell me if you want to back out.” (at age 12)

    For the life of me I don’t know why anyone would feel sympathy in the slightest for this girl. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about people writing about their time in the organization warts and all, it seems she focused so much on the warts though. Well, let me know anyone who’s read the book if they feel similarly or differently.

  • Kinjiro
    Kinjiro

    Completly different opinion. To me, with all due respect, you are the one whinning here. Her 'funny' approach to what we lived as basically children forced into the religion is sort of a catharsis... others cry she laughes and made me laugh about how stupid this whole religious thing is. The fact that you feel you would 'strangle her' tells me she hit a nerve within you.

    People who have lived similar experiences have basically 2 options:

    1. Get frustrated and cry and whine about what happened and turn in a bitter sourpuss.

    2. Get frustrated and cry, then laugh about the whole situation... and pity those who are still in it ( in completly or out but still under the spell of this utterly and totally stupid religious concept).

    Laughter is still the best medicine...

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday
    Completly different opinion. To me, with all due respect, you are the one whinning here. Her 'funny' approach to what we lived as basically children forced into the religion is sort of a catharsis... others cry she laughes and made me laugh about how stupid this whole religious thing is. The fact that you feel you would 'strangle her' tells me she hit a nerve within you.

    That's just the thing, I didn't find her story even that funny. It was very "manatee joke"-ish. There were a few things that made me laugh out loud. She did hit a nerve with me, she justified every single stereotype the JWs say apostates fall into and it annoys me to no end. Someone told me how funny the book was and that's the entire reason I picked it up. I really wasn't expecting what seemed to me a pity party about how messed up a person's life became because of choices they purposely made in the face of more reasonable heads.

    People who have lived similar experiences have basically 2 options:
    1. Get frustrated and cry and whine about what happened and turn in a bitter sourpuss.
    2. Get frustrated and cry, then laugh about the whole situation... and pity those who are still in it ( in completly or out but still under the spell of this utterly and totally stupid religious concept).

    Have you read some of my posts or seen some of my youtube videos? Better yet, check out some of my wrestling matches, alot of people don't believe I have a serious bone in my body. I just don't see how I can relate to someone like that, or even like them at all. Again my opinion, some of us who need to leave the organization sin purposely so that the decision is made for them, then there are those who will stand up and say "Look I don't believe this, and I'm leaving." That's probably why I was so annoyed, she just seemed to do things so the decision was made for her, instead of standing up and doing what she believed in. If this was about an empowered girl that had the courage to leave a loveless marriage strike out on her own for the first time in her life, I would be inspired. Instead I got a story of a girl who wasn't happy at home so convinced an older man to marry her, was unhappy in marriage so fornicated to get out of it, the whole time basically siphoning off people like a parasite. Take a step back from the gleeful assault at the JW upbringing (and endless ridiculous 80's references. Seriously I Love the 80's called from VH1 and they want their material back); can you come up with one redeeming quality in this person? I honestly couldn't, she had no strength at all. The part that really annoyed me is that she was constantly "I'm going to kill myself" "If you don't do this for me I'm going to kill myself"; How emo can you get? Seriously, turn on some HIM, put on your black mascara, sit indian style on your black satin sheets and talk about how much the Crow influenced your life. The teen angst thing was just so fabricated and quite frankly pathetic. I've known far too many poseurs who have gone into that lifestyle because "no one understands them". I'm sorry dear, it's not that no one understands you, they completely do understand you, that's why they're treating you this way. Suck it up and grow up. I'm 295 pages into the book, unless she comes to some ultimate revelation of how childish she acted the entire time and that she just needed to grow up, I'll chalk this book up as a complete waste of time. I would've gotten better 80's related laughs watching Family Guy.

  • ninja
    ninja

    I thought it was quite good....almost as funny as war and peace....with pillows!

    ninja the book critic

  • daniel-p
    daniel-p

    People who have lived similar experiences have basically 2 options:
    1. Get frustrated and cry and whine about what happened and turn in a bitter sourpuss.
    2. Get frustrated and cry, then laugh about the whole situation... and pity those who are still in it ( in completly or out but still under the spell of this utterly and totally stupid religious concept).

    No, those are not the only two "options." There are as many styles of coping as there are personalities.

    While I respect the author of the book for writing about her experiences, I'm glad to read a critical review of it, since I probably wouldn't have cared for the tone that much. I'm sure some people will like it, but it sounds like the tone wouldn't really appeal to me.

  • GoddessRachel
    GoddessRachel

    I haven't read it yet, but I appreciate your honest remarks, Tuesday!

    I personally take book reviews with a grain of salt, especially if the topic and tone is of interest to me, simply because it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, as they say, so just because somebody doesn't like something doesn't mean everyone won't.

    And everyone is also entitled to their opinions! So, I appreciate the review.

    ~GoddessRachel

    (P.S. My first post on the "new" site - how exciting!)

  • Nathan is immoral
    Nathan is immoral

    I think you are missing the point, Tuesday. Maybe not. It's ok to not like a book.

    But... you really aren't supposed to like the author. It was clearly not written to gain sympathy (though she has mine). It just exposes one persons personal story with JWs. Maybe she comes across a different way to you, but I see a very ignorant, poorly raised teenage girl. This person had enough problems to begin with, and then things were made so much worse when those problems were amplified by ridiculous JW teachings and beliefs.

    I made a lot of the same mistakes she did. And I was turning into a bad person. Thats what that life was creating for me, because like the author, I had no concept of true right and wrong. JWs taught me to be selfish and wait for something divine to make my life better. I had to leave the JWs to find peace and become a better person. I imagine the same is true of the author.

    The book only provides a snapshot of this most trying time in her life. If there was a book about that period of time in my life.. you wouldn't like me either.

    But I wouldn't expect you to.

    -N

  • Nathan is immoral
    Nathan is immoral

    Also, I found the book to be hilarious. But thats just because it's exactly my type of humor.

  • daniel-p
    daniel-p

    But... you really aren't supposed to like the author.

    Since it's marketed as a true story, this is moot.

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday
    But... you really aren't supposed to like the author. It was clearly not written to gain sympathy (though she has mine). It just exposes one persons personal story with JWs. Maybe she comes across a different way to you, but I see a very ignorant, poorly raised teenage girl. This person had enough problems to begin with, and then things were made so much worse when those problems were amplified by ridiculous JW teachings and beliefs.

    She came off to me definitely as ignorant. I feel if the book conveyed more so how exactly it was the religion e xacerbated her problems more, I would probably enjoy the book more. It just seems to me the entire time she's making mistakes people are telling her that she's making mistakes, and it's not them giving JW advice leading her down the wrong path. I mean it's people giving her actual advice that is solely to help her. It's hard for me to get into any sort of story without liking the main character, if I don't like the person I don't care.

    I made a lot of the same mistakes she did. And I was turning into a bad person. Thats what that life was creating for me, because like the author, I had no concept of true right and wrong. JWs taught me to be selfish and wait for something divine to make my life better. I had to leave the JWs to find peace and become a better person. I imagine the same is true of the author.

    Which if this was somehow conveyed more in the book I would probably like it alot better. Not many people understand wrestling psychology, but one of the most effective things that I've ever been told was by Michael Hayes. He told me that even as a heel you have to be completely justified in your actions. An example would be when the Freebirds were doing everything in their power to destroy the Von Erichs the reason for that is they felt they were spoiled little daddy's boys who had the odds stacked in their favor so they had to go to the lengths they did in order to get an even slate.

    Unless I'm missing her motivations, or the motivations are really simply selfish.

    Also, I found the book to be hilarious. But thats just because it's exactly my type of humor.

    Eh, to each their own. Some people like ridiculous amounts of 80's references, or else Family Guy wouldn't be doing so well on TV. Some others like the Simpsons who's satire is a little more biting.

    On the bright side, those who haven't read the book can see two sides here. It seems people like it, I definetly do not. I hope that people aren't just giving it a free pass because it's a book about a former Jehovah's Witness and they are former Jehovah's Witnesses.

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