Rather than trying to replace I have come to a point where I have accepted the loss. I have however allowed others to become like family.
How do you replace a family?
by YoursChelbie 19 Replies latest jw friends
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boyzone
Hopscotch
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John Doe
Generally starts by poking a hole in a diaphram.
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Rocky_Girl
After I learned how to trust people, which took me years, I found a mentor(mom), a spiritual guru(father), and many close friends(brothers and sisters). They have become my family and I trust them with my heart.
The JWs hurt me one and all with their conditional love. I found the 'love' that the JWs claimed to have in 'the world' and when my family goes back and forth between talking to me and shunning me (I am not DF, I faded over the last 10 years) my non-bio family has been there for my real life, without all the drama.
It's is funny how I didn't know what it was like to tell a friend about my doubts and fears without the constant threat of getting turned in to the elders for any and everything. The first time my mentor sat there and listened to me as I poured my heart out, I was so afraid that she would judge me for what I said. Instead, she took me in her arms and told me what a good person I was and I cried out of pure relief. She became my mom that day.
Family is more than blood, it is love. True love.
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mrsjones5
"Generally starts by poking a hole in a diaphram. "
There is nothing quite like baby love but babies aren't so good at deep conversations about life
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John Doe
There is nothing quite like baby love but babies aren't so good at deep conversations about life
But you got to admit, their simplistic ignorance is refreshing.
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Newborn
I've lost my sister, who's still in, and it kills me. I can only hope she will come to her senses also one day.
In the meantime to fill the void, I stay very close to my brother and his family and my parents, who, thank god, our out!!
Also I've many new close friends who gives me so much love, support and joy. And of course this place is wonderful
Love Newborn
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LouBelle
Some of my family will see me now and again and there is no awkwardness, as they themselves have been questioning the faith. There is some family I have absolutly no contact with and all my "friends" chose to shun.
Initially when I left, the loss of family and friends was a heavy burdon and I ached for them. My heart was constantly sore, however after much pondering, soul searching I realised it wasn't *I* that had turned my back on them. I still loved them and was willing to accept whatever decision they made. Plus I became grounded in who I was and what I stood for. I love my freedom of thought / worship so much that I would do it all again without hesitation. It was and is worth it.
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Rocky_Girl
LouBelle said: "after much pondering, soul searching I realised it wasn't *I* that had turned my back on them."
It is disgusting how the org. manipulates our thinking when we are 'in.' The shunners feel as if they are doing the loving thing and the shunned feel like they deserve to be shunned. I remember trying to explain to my first husband how my old friends were snubbing me because they love me and want me to come back to the meetings. He looked at me like I had grown a second head and asked why I would go back to a place where no one will talk to me. As I was explaining that it would only be for 6 months 'I' realized how sick it was. It was one very scary first step of many that showed me the error of the WTS way.
Angie
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joannadandy
I have been lucky...damn lucky...I don't even know what I did to deserve the kind of luck I've had in this regard.
I managed to get in touch with someone about my age, and roughly the same circumstances as myself a few months after I left. She too had faded away from the JW's recently. It was pure coincidence that a guy I used to date said, "Hey - I know someone who used to be a Witness too - you should meet her." Well, he and I never kept in contact - but she quickly became my new best friend...and still is.
I was lucky to have her in my life when I did - we were able to do a lot of growing together, and face the challenges of our families together. Moral support, etc. And while she and I both participated in the boards, and they were helpful - it was great having her near for that in person help.
The relationships between our familes were strained...however, she and I have both managed to maintain relationships with our family still in the Witnesses. The most amazing thing of all - our JW parents have now become friends. I think they like that we are friends. Sure, we may not go to meetings, but at least we're not hanging with total worldly hooligans! :)
Another childhood friend of mine lives near us, she too left the JW's and we were able to reconnect. Luckily we all get along. Her husband and my husband (neither of which were JW's) can commserate to having JW in-laws, and crazy ex-jw wives. :) Again - thanks to luck we have a new little family. One of our choosing. We do all our holidays and birthdays together, no one judging in case we get a little overboard at christmas, because hey - we're new at this.
I think when leaving the JW's you need a new support network. It's tricky to make friends, especially when you're older - but their value is immeasurable on your success at being able to adjust to life on the outside.
Also, something I think is important is realizing that they don't have to be an ex-jw to "get you". Use the boards to for that "wow you totally get me" boost of confidence, but don't shut out regular people on the basis of if they were a jw or not. They'll still be able to get and relate to you, just on different levels. I think because we were trained the JW's are so different, for some reason we think as ex-jw's we're so different. That's not totally true, in my limited experience. We're all still human - we all still relate, a lot of people have familial strife that has nothing to do with religion.
I think you just have to have friends. I'm lucky to have the friends that I do, and I wouldn't trade them for anything...they are my family.