by BonaFide 38 Replies latest jw friends
At a certain point in life you realize, your family that is your mother, father, sisters, brothers, were not meant to be YOUR family. Yes they are your close relatives. But YOUR family would be YOUR wife and YOUR children. But because you don't want to let go of your relatives, you are keeping yourself from discovering YOUR family. I hope you find the courage to stop living for your close relatives and start seeking YOUR family.
ra
Bonafide, read Passwords post about Jesus finding him "Jesus found him", if you have a similar experience, you will leave the WT, but gain Bros. and sisters and mothers etc. in Christ, and the best friend you could ever have , Jesus himself.
love
Wobble
Ruddy, I am happy for you, but at this point I can't see my family and friends as "the small stuff" as you wrote. And I can't see losing my family as "what the hell" either.
I could be wrong, but I don't think many other posters on here think that family and friends are the "small stuff."
Family and friends are "the big stuff" for me.
However, it may come to that, and Narkissos' post and your post and some others are making me think. At this point, I do lead a dual existence.
I wonder what my life will be like in a year. I guess I might find out sooner if I am outed.
Thanks everyone, for your very thoughtful posts.
BF
I figure it is not much different for a woman to leave an abusive husband, or an adult child to cut off contact with a pedophile father and a mother who allowed it. If you see the abuse in a high control group like jws, have experienced the abuse or seen the abuse to others, how can you stay?
It may seem hard but it is healthier to find new supportive associates. I am from a 3 generation jw family, the founding family in this area, I finally left after 45 years (of fits and starts). I wish I had done it sooner. The peace of mind and healing of my heart of mind has been wonderful. I may not have 100's of false friends and comforters like Job did but I have several good, close friends.
You have to be brave, Bonafide, and trust.
Love, Blondie
I was a second generation Jehovah's Witness. Raised in the organization, baptized at 15, and an MS for ~12 years. When I realize what the organization is (At best no different than any other religion, at worst a destructive cult), I had to stand for truth and honesty above all else.
I am married without children and studied with my wife's parents for years to bring them into the religion. My parents, brother, two sisters, and entire mother's side of the family are JWs. My father side of the family for the most part was cut out of my JW family lives a long time ago for the obvious reasoning of them not being JWs.
Regardless, my plan was to present the truth about the organization to my wife first and the rest of the family (Parents and siblings) simultaneously thereafter and whatever the result...Even if I lost everyone, I had to stand for truth and honesty. Indeed, the facts and history of the organizations current doctrinal problems, history, among other things needed to be known to those I loved most. Additionally, one of the huge problems I have with the organization was the hypocrisy I educated myself about...And I could not be a hypocrite myself - which I felt I would be if I remained in the organization. I am not speaking for others, just about me and how I felt about the situation.
The results?
My wife and her parents were able to see the truth about the organization and left it along with me.
My parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins all shun me now. My father talks/talked to me a few times, but the last time was close two 2 months ago (It use to be bi-weekly to monthly). Anyhow, for my parents and other members they have been in it for over 35 years. I understand why they stay in it and even refused to listen or read anything I provided to them. My father, I believe knows all I have said and shown him is true, but can't leave for the sake of my mother who has centered and focused her whole life to obedience to the organization. In her mind, loyalty to Watchtower Society = loyalty to God. I understand the stand they are taking, but still hope someday they will come to their senses and be able to break free of the indoctrination they have and continue to receive...Probably not, but I remain hopeful. My motto for this situation is to hope for the best, but expect the worst.
Nonetheless, for me it is the best thing I have ever done, and do not regret the decision. I am so happy, grateful, and appreciative that when my wife and I have children that they will not be raised in the organization and be more educated and have more choices in life than what I was limited to or had fears about. Furthermore, right now our marriage, happiness and joy have never been more evident in our lives since we disassociated ourselves. My wife and I, as well as mother and father-in-law have been more relaxed, at peace, and joyful since leaving the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses.
I am understanding to those who are or remain a Jehovah's Witness, despite not necessarily agreeing with the person's choice.
each passing generation makes it harder, if someone doesnt stop it perpetuating its just gonna get harder with each new crop.
I am a 4th generation. It was hard to leave, but I did it. I think it would beharder for my parents, though. I believe that the number of generations is not as important as the age of the person. Younger people (18-25) have an easier time letting go because they have their whole life ahead of them and feel that they can rebuild. People in the family life cycle (35+) have already traveled down their chosen path for a while and so have a harder time imagining anything different. It can be done at any age, but I think the younger you are, the easier it is.
I have a lot of compassion toward anyone who is thinking of leaving, because it IS a big step and it has lots of unforseeable consequences. I applaud all who made the move and left. And, I pray for those who are considering it. It is hard! For me it is worth it. Only you can know if it is worth it to you.
Angie
Some journeys happen quickly and others take longer....... what matter is stripping away the control of the WTS from our personal lives and choices.
I think it is important that we respect and support each other's journey.
I think it is good to have 'nice' comments as well as the 'get off your arse' ones that motivate us to 'react'.
Yes it is beneficial for all to widen their friendships and experiences!
BF you are in the middle of your journey and still need to finish school, get a job that supports your areas economics and a pad that isn't owned by JWs! It is great to see you posting about raising kids without WTS influence.....way better then talking about KH weddings as you did awhile ago!
Beyond that I can cast no stones because I am fence-sitting. I haven't figured out the best exit for myself and children and am falling on the UBM schtick more then I did back in Jan. I have made some progress in talking to siblings but I am noticing more and more who are fine with the BS of the WTS and will die JWs no matter what...... it isn't about 'troof' but tradition.
Your posts reflect what many are experiencing.
Keep to your journey until you find an exit you are comfortable taking!
"Ruddy, I am happy for you, but at this point I can't see my family and friends as "the small stuff" as you wrote. And I can't see losing my family as "what the hell" either.
I could be wrong, but I don't think many other posters on here think that family and friends are the "small stuff."
Family and friends are "the big stuff" for me.
However, it may come to that, and Narkissos' post and your post and some others are making me think. At this point, I do lead a dual existence.
I wonder what my life will be like in a year. I guess I might find out sooner if I am outed.
Thanks everyone, for your very thoughtful posts.
BF"
Hiya Bonafide
My apologies if that sounded flippant, my remarks.
It's just that as you get older and after being out of the wit's for a number of years, well, you just get used to it, the situation and it no longer bothers you as much as it used to.
Of course it still hurts losing all of my family, but what can I do about it?
I think the wit's are funamentally flawed on a huge number of levels, in fact I think it's riddled with complete and utter codswallop through and through, but as regards the disfellowshipping (just another label and of no significance in my life these days), as I said you just get used to it, it's just the way it is and if they want to display that attitude towards me, well, that's their problem, not mine.
There's nothing I can do about it.
I can wish it was different, I wish it was different, it cuts me to the core that I no longer have a relationship with my 15 year old son etc and all the rest of the family that I havn't seen for years, but there's nothing I can do about it.
In life people go missing, people die, it's the same kind of thing, eventually, after a long, long time, you just pick up the pieces and move on with your life - there is no other choice but to do so.
There's no point dwelling on the subject, for if one were to do so, it would drive you absolutely bonkers and heaven know's back along, I did get pretty near to the edge at times, just wanting to blow my brains from it all, but since those times, those days, life has got a whole lot better.
When I say 'small stuff' it is for me, just that, in the here and now.
There's just absolutely no point to be gained at all in trying to force something to happen, an ideal outcome, if that's not how the situation is going to pan out.
Now I have a choice before me, after years of suffering very badly emotionally, I could either moan and groan around the rest of my living days or I could grab life by the wotsits and propel myself forwards with new momentum, in a fresh direction.
I chose eventually to do the latter and since toughening up my emotions and how I look at the whole picture and respond to it, I've never looked back since.
Naturally there is an ache inside but I don't give any power to those thought patterns, to control who I am excessively.
This is my life, I deserve some personal happiness and by gum, I'm going to go out there and enjoy life to the max' now that I am over all of the previous issues.
As I said, nothing I can do about it anyway and well, life goes on and waits for no man.
It's a wonderful world out there, full of surprises, new challenges and a new outlook evolves if you let that happen to you, together with a great positive mental attitude.
If the witnesses don't love me and appreciate me for who I am, stuff em, stuff the lot of them, I ain't got no time to waste worrying about them or trying to court their favour, when it ain't never going to happen.
They can deal with their own problems, I'll deal with mine.
Enjoy life!
