You owe your children first, to have your unconditional love, to have a free mind, relative free spirit with normal guidelines, fun, music, arts, education, including the goal of college, etc.
Your wife will have to make that decision someday. Perhaps, she can 'gradually' let her mom know her true feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, the older or aging parent will be very sensitive, taking any criticism about the WTS as a criticism toward them personally. So hopefully your wife can separate her WT critcism and reinforce her mom with appreciation for all the otherwise good things in her childhood. Your wife's mom will have to respect your wife and if she cannot or does not, then your wife will have to do all she can first to ensure the respect of her daughter.
The next 13 yrs will go by fast for your daughter and you. I understand your dilemma fully. I, too, struggled with the delicate balance/imbalance of forthrightness and honesty leaving the JW world. However, for my 5 children, I finally accepted, that I must move on at all cost for my kids. I have raised my 5 children free of the Watchtower, though they have some memories while small. They have all graduated college and appreciate their freedom and me and they know my story well.
