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FinchAndWeston

Hi, everyone, just wanted to say hi to y'all. i've been lurking for a long time... so i recently decided to join this group. i find myself coming here every morning and read the wonderful stories. i share the pain most of you have experienced being 'in the truth', DF'ed, reinstated and now fading away. I hope to add and share with others, too.

i only wished i had visited sites like these before!

Thanks to everyone who has ever shared his/her story. I have read most of the ones in the past year. It is knowning that there are others who feel like me, that reaffirms the truth about the truth ... that mind control is mind control is mind control but not a religion.

I've begun my fade since last year.

A question to the experienced faders : what do you say if you run into elders? i've been dreading this situation for a long time. i'm not naive. i know i will run into them eventually but i'm not interested in getting publicly DF'ed or DA'ed. I just want to fade.

Mind you, if it came down to it, I guess I would come out and say it, that beleiving in God and belong to a religion are 2 separate and distinct things, and that I don't beleive everything the society publishes.

Thoughts?

Heaven

Welcome, FinchandWeston!

The Internet has opened a lot of eyes, including mine. I hope it continues to do so. I'm so glad I did my research. It, along with Ray Franz's book "Crisis of Conscience" has confirmed and verified for me what I suspected as a teen back in the '70s. It's not an organization from God and you don't have to belong to any organization to have a relationship with God and Christ.

I'm not an experienced fader as I never signed up, but those on here have said that you should try to be vague. Tell them that you've had some recent developments in your life that you needed to take care of. This is the truth but you don't need to give details. If they push it explain they are extremely personal and you are not at liberty to divulge that sort of information. You can also move/change the subject matter onto them. Ask them questions about their families or jobs or something that they wouldn't mind talking to you about. I always do this when I am not interested in talking about me with other people. You can end the conversation by saying you're really busy and have to get going. Then just leave. It's pretty simple really. Sometimes if you just smile, say 'Hi. I'm real busy right now.', and keep walking past without stopping they'll get the message. This is a technique you can use as well.

I hope you can share more of your story. Do you have any family that are 'in'?

AudeSapere

Hi Finch and Western. Welcome to JWN.

You wrote: what do you say if you run into elders?

Depends on what you want to accomplish. Do you want to fade or just end it? Do you want to be a shrinking violet or a diplomat? Or are you aching for a confrontation and a DA/DF announcement??

For me, it depended on my mood. Sometimes I would consciously avoid them (different isle in grocery store, etc.). But most times a friendly 'Hi' with big smile is good enough. When asked how I'm doing, bigger smile and 'Really good!'.

When asked what Hall I'm attending, toss up between 'various' and 'none right now'.

When pressed for meeting to encourage me: "Not right now. I have other things I'm working on and need to concentrate there right now." (School, work, family, medical issues, depression, travel, etc.)

I consider myself a successful fader. Didn't intend to fade. But fade I did.

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)

Quirky1

Welcome to the board!! As for the elders go don't be afraid!! Hold your head high!! They have no power over you.

wobble

Big WELCOME HUG F.A W !

I too am a nosey wotsit so more of your story would be intersting. Please take advice from here if you wish to bring about the perfect fade, it is what I was trying to do since walking away in the spring of last year.

I have many of my family still in. I am though getting pissed off with pussy -footing around and listening to their B.S when I do see them,and I think soon I will provoke one huge family shoot-out, but what the hell.

As for you, I would say that the best course is say nothing, you have nothing to justify, they are the ones making the big claims. I have asked my family to prove to me from the Bible that they are in God's organization, they have not come back to me yet.

I think that is the best method, if you have to say something, don't say what you don't believe,they will shun you or D.F you for not believing the WTB$ is God's Org. so ask them to prove, from God's Word what they say they believe.

Love

Wobble

FinchAndWeston

thanks you guys.

Another questions: I have been sporting a Goatee for over a year (p.s. wife loves it! and so do I, frankly. I don't see the big deal). Are they alllowed now? I saw another brother sporting one, though he is not from my hall. I didn't have the chance to talk to him and ask him. His BFF is an MS and they were talking together so I guess they are OK?

As for my story, my ma and pa became JWs when I was 3. My ma took it serious and imposed it on me and my sis. So much so, that we had to go to meetings, and have JW friends, etc. Eventually, I came to enjoy 'being in the truth'. I grew up with the fear that one day, Armageddon was around the corner. I remember the TV movie "The Day After" (anyone else scared sh*tless by that one???) had a HUGE impact on me, and I clinged to the Org thinking it would be the best way to survive should an A bomb drop. I got baptised at 17 and I became an MS at 20. I was really devoted to the faith. I religiously went out on services. I did public talks and I participated in 1 drama, and did a 5 min talk at an assembly. The elders were constantly pressuring me to join MTS school or go to bethel. I did aux pioneer for 2 years during my collegue years. Yeah, I was an MS, pioneering and studying. It wasn't easy.

I'm leaving a lot of other parts of my story out for simplicity sake.

Jump ahead a few years, I got DF'ed for what appears to be the #1 reason all young guys do. I got married and we had 3 wonderful kids.

We quickly came back. I'd say we were reinstated in less than 2 years. Going to the meetings when you are DF'ed is no piece of cake, I tell you. Anyone else hate going to places where everyone ignores you, and you feel more like you are invading more than attending a meeting?

My doubts of the truth came when I had kids. I dreaded the 3 day conventions. It's really hard with kids. We had to wake up so early to go, reserve seats. I used to get into shouting matches with other ppl. The marathon running at 8:00am when the doors opened was INSANE!

I remember specifically as a young guy in the truth when the 'payment' for mags was changed to 'donations'. I bought the explination hook-line-and-sinker. Ray Franz' book was what really opened my eyes. When I read Ray's account, it made soooo much sense.

Honestly, I used to always wonder why the hours were always published but not the total $ donations made and WHERE the freaking money went. I guess they couldn't otherwise it would be toooo easy to calculate the taxes owing. hehhe.

I have so much more to write and tell you guys. I'll write some more soon.

bluecanary

My understanding on beards is that it's not a disfelloshipping or even a reproving offense, but anyone who has one would be seen as slightly worldly and not elligible for positions of privilege. Otherwise, a brother can have a beard and people are free to associate with him according to their conscience. Anyone can correct me on that if I'm wrong.

I've also heard that in certain countries where men are expected to have facial hair or long hair, brothers are allowed to do this.

FinchAndWeston

i'm ok with "seen as slightly worldly and not elligible for positions of privilege"

straightshooter

Glad you joined. I remember a Circuit Overseer threatening some elders about their mustaches. He said that they would no longer qualify as elders if their kept their mustaches. The CO moved on before taking any action and the new CO saw no problem. Beards are another story as bluecanary highlighted.

JWinprotest

Hi Finch and Weston, welcome. The conventions were a big eye opener for me as well. All the warnings for brothers on the low end of the toadem pole not to save seats and telling us how unloving it was to do so. Then a family with 2 or 3 kids and about 100lbs of baggage had to climb 4 flights of stairs to finally find some seats(unless, as you said, you wanted to take your chances in the stampede).Meanwhile you see all the bigshots (CO's, bethelites etc) who are obviously allowed to enter the facility before the doors open with the choice seating, some even sitting in the private boxes pretending to carry out some administrative function.

One year as we were walking back to our car, we were crossing the driveway that led to the underground parking. We were in a crowd of about 25-30 people. An attendant jumped in front of the crowd and stopped pedestrian traffic so cars can exit the garage. 3 cars exited the garage, 1 of them was a CO and the last car was the DO, I didn't recognize the guy in the middle, but I can be sure he ranked just as high as the other 2. These guys try to tell us that there is no rank among the Witnesses......bull!

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