When and should I tell my family I am pregnant?

Free yet lonely

Left three years ago - did the fade away and managed to avoid getting dissed. Have been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half and am 9 wks pregnant, we are both very happy about it. I have been having a really hard time with the hormones and the morning sickness - cannot eat anything except crackers as it comes back up immediately and the slight smell of anything unsavoury sets me off.

My mum, dad and 2 sisters are active witnesses. Have not spoken to my mother for a month or so, the last time we spoke I found out my sister was getting married in August and I had not been invited (to be expected naturally, but a phone call letting me know what is happening would have been nice as my sister and I had recently been talking). When I spoke to my mum she blamed me for 'ruening' my sisters wedding (due to leaving the clan) so I have not made the effor to phone her since and she has not made the effort either.

So I feel as though I should tell her but am absolutely terrified of doing so, as I do not need the stress of a lecture regarding an illegitamite child. I do not see my family having any active involvement in my babies life and do not want them to witness to the child, so I am unsure why I am even thinking I should tell them?????????

What are your thoughts????

BabaYaga

First of all, congratulations!

Secondly, welcome to the board!

Thirdly... regarding telling your family, there are a couple of things to consider that might help you make your decision.

do what you would hope they would do for you, and
do that which you will regret the LEAST!

Love,
Baba.

lurk3r

FYL - I know of a similar situation. VERY similar. I have a friend, that faded, then came back. Within a 6 or 7 months of coming back, she was prego by a worldly guy. She told her parents 4 months in, went to a commitee and did not get d/f'd. CRAZY.

Tell you parents I say. They will be pissed at first, but really how can they hold a grudge like this long term? Perhaps it would draw you closer?

Heaven

I do not see my family having any active involvement in my babies life

This is a tough one. Are you planning on getting married? If so, wait 'til after you are married to tell them. If you are not, maybe wait until after the baby is born.

Free yet lonely

Thanks for your posts, just to be clear I have zero intention of EVER going back especially now I have a baby to think of - that said my friend was in a similar situation and the dissed her which caused her no end of stress. However I have zero contact with witnesses so I like to think that they wouldn't bother and why the hell should being dissed bother me?? xxx

Free yet lonely

No plans to get married immediately, I love the father with all my heart and do see myself marrying but we do not want to rush into getting wed because of the baby - which may not seem right but we would like to save up for a decent do!

Also can I just say how wonderful this board is and the old JWD was, I could cry at the support I have receieved when I was so low at leaving and quite low again now at the family divide!

bluecanary

First of all:

Second of all, have you thought about sending a card, rather than phoning? That way you get to inform them of their new family member and about how HAPPY you are without being hit with their immediate, disapproving reaction. If they want to respond, more time and thought will take place before hand and maybe give you a better outcome.

It's totally your choice of whether you want to tell your family. I have the feeling though, that you will be happier and feel you have taken the high road if you do tell them. That way it will be their lousy decision if they choose not to see their grandchild/neice or nephew and they can't blame it on you. It may also give you more of an opportunity to antiwitness (if that's something you want to do) if they do want to see the kid.

VIII

Hello and Welcome!

Having watched my sis and Mom go through this, I can only advise you might want to try to meet face to face either with just your Mom and / or just your sister. Seeing someone face to face when telling them this happy, thrilling news is much easier to do when you see them.

And, it will be much harder for them to be judgemental and harsh looking you in the face. Who, other than an elder, could actually say something mean to a pregnant young woman? Not her mother if she has any heart. She loves you. I would try to meet her in a coffee shop or donut shop or somewhere public where you can be in the open yet a little quiet.

I hope it all works out!

snowbird

Well, hello there, and welcome.

If I were you, in order to not hear further accusations of "ruining your sister's wedding," I would tell my mother after the wedding.

Incidentally, I don't believe any children are illegitimate.

Sylvia

bluecanary

do what you would hope they would do for you, and

do that which you will regret the LEAST!

Babayaga, I must say I think this is the best advice I've ever seen.

When and should I tell my family I am pregnant?

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