What I don't understand is what I, as a non-racist individual, am supposed to do about it.
But the people of other races have had to live with so much crap that they're constantly on the defensive and won't let us let it go.
Here is my take on it: I'm never personally on the defensive (why should I be?), and since I reject all racism but am painfully aware that it's both a problem even now and a nightmare from the past, I'm never on the defensive for "my group" (white people). And thus I can joke around with Snowbird the way I do. She of course, may have a group of black panthers on their way to my house (fortunately I thought to give her JD's address as my own).
Gregor, above, is definitely on the defensive. And the more he is, the more reason he has to be. After all, even if he isn't a racist scum-bag, he's still a person who does everything he can to deny his fellow black humans a simple validation of their negative experiences.
And it's frustrating when you feel like you can't have an open, honest discussion because anything you say can and will be used against you to prove that all white people are just racist.
Hmmm, I think you might be surprised by your black friends, and black people in general on this one. They aren't looking to blame you or call you racist, and they aren't looking for you to see them as just-like-me.... because they aren't, they have a different experience...that's the whole point. I imagine they just want you to understand as best you can. I know I would if I was in their shoes.
What you can do for your black friends, is not try to act as if there is no difference, because there is; color, culture, and most of all the way they are looked at and treated in small, subtle ways every single day of their lives. You can make an honest effort to see things from their point of view when you read about things like what happened to professor Gates.... after all, even w/o racism (which whether real or imagined, he certainly felt and had every right to feel), it's a pretty sad sack of abuse that has a 58 y/o man arrested on his own property for no crime other than being outraged.